*************
O Utho Utho
Dekho INDIA Me Kya Huwa Hai
Nahi Pata
Nahi Pata
OoH0 shubha Hwi Hai YaaR
Good Morning
*************
Chahe
Gusa karo
chahe
Galiyan do
chahe
Sar peeto
chahe
MOBILE tor do
chahe
Ghar ka saaman bikhair do
Hum to is time hi
G(,”)(“,)D MORNING kahenge.
*************
I think u r very careless! U come & leave things behind! See now what U hav left! U just came in my mind & left
a SMILE on MY Face. Good Morning
*************
5 Steps To A Lovely Morning..
1- Open Your Eyes.
2- Take A Deep Breath.
3- Smile A Bit.
4- Open Your Arms Wide.
5- Say, “Its Too Early.
Lets Sleep Again.”
*************
Wishing u….. Gud Morning ,gud Afternoon ,gud Evening & gud Night.
hey, 4 in 1 SMS pack – I saved the money….
*************
Finally ab hum uth gaye hai to jinko bhi goodmorning karna hai line se aajaye tokan mil rahe hai , ek duje ko bhi dhakka nahi marna , darshan 12 baje tak honge . OK
*************
In French: Bon jour In Spanish: Te Quiro In Italian: Teamo In Yugoslav: Volim Te In English: Good Morning In Punjabi: Uth Moya Kam te nahi jana?
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Rain of summer, snow of winter,
grace of autumn, glory of spring,
May beauty of every season
give ur heart a beautiful reason 2 smile.
May God suceed u in every exams of ur life.
Good luck all the best
*************
Stealing the blue from the splashing seas,
A tinge of green from the youthful trees,
A bit of orange from the sunset hues,
With crystal white from the morning dews,
I have framed a bright and colourful wish
Just for you
Good Luck!
*************
Meaning of some colors,
Yellow for special friend,
white for peace,
orange 4 luck,
black for hate,
red for love and
pink for likeness,
So i choose for u Orange Flower.
Wish u good luck
*************
FROM my
1 Heart…
2 eyes…
5 litre blood…
206 bones…
1.2million Red Cells…
60 trillion D.N.A.s…
I wish u …..
.
.
.
All the very best of LUCK
*************
Fly in the plane of Ambition Land in the Airport of Success…
Luck is yours,
Wish is mine…
May Ur future always shine…Good Luck.
*************
Have faith in your ability to succeed,
Be positive and never look back at failures.
Good Luck!
*************
In everything you do, there is a purpose,
Prepare to pursue your purpose with
A prayer, ask for guidance, protection
And direction.
Good Luck
*************
Don’t pray for Easy Lives
Pray to be a Strong Man!
Don’t pray for Task Equal to Ur Powers!
Pray for Power Equal to Ur Tasks
*************
The Hope, the Struggle and the Hard Work
Towards a goal is part of the rewards.
Achieving goal itself is not the whole reward
Good Luck!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Q: What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
A: Outlaws are wanted.
*************
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
*************
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
This describes everything you are not!
*************
3 Chimps escaped from the zoo… 1 was caught watching tv…
another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
*************
Ive won a trip for me and 50 mates for 2 weeks aboard a luxury yacht in
the caribbean, inclusive with £5000 each spending money………can you feed my dog while i’m gone?
*************
Ur 100% caring,
Ur 100% fun.,
Ur 100% sweet,
Ur 100% nice, and
Ur 100% stupid to believe it!!!
*************
2 cannibls are eating a clown. The first cannibl turns to the other and says does this taste funny to U?
*************
This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number.We are truly sorry for the inconvenience
*************
Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
*************
How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
?It is said that Husband is the head of the family,
But
Remember that wife is the Neck of the family.
& the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants.
*************
Unforgettable 3 Things In Our Life..
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
1. Breakfast
2. Lunch
3. Dinner!!!
No need to be emotional everytime!
*************
What Is The Next Thing
A Man Should Do After
Winning An
Argument With His Wife ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Apologize !!!
*************
Teacher: Sach or Veham mai kiya farq hai ?
Student: Aap jo hamain parha rahi hain wo sach hai, laykin hum sab parh rahay hain ye aapka veham hai……..
*************
Ques…Bharat ka sabse bada pralay ka din kaun sa hoga.?
Ans…Jis din rakhi —*—
aur friendship day —!!—
ek saath padega
*************
3 boys where going on a motor cycle. policeman gives hand to stop sardar shouted oye pehle hi teen bhete hai tu kaha bethega…!
*************
I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful… I look at you.. I.. I… I’d rather look at the moon again.
*************
I want u 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry, I cry. U laugh.. I laugh. U jump out of d window.. I look down n then.. I laugh again.. hahaha
*************
Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn’t have if you didn’t have a computer.
*************
Why does a stupid blond woman sneak past the pharmacy? …………….. She does not want to wake the sleeping tablets!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Pathar se dosti, Jan ko khatra.Pathan se dosti, Demagh ko khatra. Daru say dosti,LIver ko khatra.Hum say dosti, rat be rat SMS ka khatra!!
*************
Jahan ki gurbat me sukun nahi ayega,
Gam-e-tohin se kubul nahi ayega.
Maklul ki fitrat he ye kafir,
Dimag fatt jayega parr yeh sher samaj nahi ayega..!!
*************
Na vo ikrar karate hai na wo inkar karate hai, Mere khayal me wo kambakt mere, Kisi dost ko pyar karte hai
*************
Ek bar 300 phatan ship mein safar kar rahay the
lakin sare k sare mar gayeee
kaise?
kuch khaas nahi
ship bich mein kharab ho gai
to dhaka denay neachey uttar gayeeeeee
*************
Q: Aadmi shadi kyon karta hai?
A: Kyon ki jab marne ke baad narak me jaye to ajeeb sa na lage.
*************
Voh choom le ik bar to aati nahi neend
Unki meethi avaz mein jati hai raat beet
Iss liye kehta hu ye risk na uthao
All out lagao machar bhagao…
*************
Jab Jab hume pyaas lagti hai, Unke aane ki aas lagti hai
unki dewangi mein hum ho gaye itne dewane, Ki har ladki ki maa apni saas lagti hai
*************
Kitne Dino’n Se Seyah Libas Pehne Phir Rahay Hain,
.
.
.
Ke Koi Hamein Muft Shampo De Or Kahay
“Your Licence To Wear Black”
*************
Kabhi kushi kabhi gam
(Mere sms na hoga kam)
Kabhi alvida na kahna
(Sms karte rahna)
Dhoom
(Mere sms padke joom)
Hera pheri
(Ab tumhari bari)
*************
DIL NE KAHA SMS KAREN
SOCHA
DIL TAU PAGAL HE
PHIR KHAYAL AYA..
CHALO KOI BAAT NHI,
JIS KO SMS KARNA HE WO KONSA NORMAL HE.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Aik Munder main buri neeyat wale gaeb ho jate they.Amitab gya wog gayab, Hirithik gya woh gayab,Akshey gya woh gayab, Ashwarya gai Bhagwan gayab
*************
Humari achai ka kitna fayada uthate ho,
ek sms bhej kar 10 free pate ho,
hum per or be julm dhate ho,
humne suna hai k humare sms send kar k
ladkiyo ko patate ho….
*************
ek aadmi marne ke baad swarg jata hai
God=Bol kya chahiye?
=Muze sonni kuddi dila do,
God= Dila dunga,,
Aagr tu Muslim hai to KATRINA..
Agar Baniya hai to YANA..
Aur Agar Punjabi hai to KAREENA,,
Bol tera naam kya hai..??
Mohammad Singh Aggarwal
*************
Ladki ek aisi paheli hai, kabhi teri to kabhi meri saheli hai.
Kharcha karo to bole “darling, how are you?”. Na karo to bole “brother, who are you?”.
*************
Patient to Doc: Aapne nurse bahut achhi rakhi hai, uska haath lagte hi main theek ho gaya.
Doctor: Jaanta hu, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi…
*************
Judge: Tum apni limit cross kar rahe ho.
Lawyer: Kaun saala aisa kehta he?
Judge: Tum ne muje sala bola?
Lawyer: Nahi My Lord, maine pucha KAUN SA LAW aisa kehta he?
*************
Bhikhari: Sahib ik rupaiya de do.
Sahib: Kal anna.
Bhikhari: Iss kal kal ke chakkar mein iss colony mein mere lakhon rupaiye fasse hue hai!
*************
Pati: Tum hi meri kavita ho, kalpana ho, bhawana ho!
Patni: Aap hi mere Dinesh ho, Rajesh ho, Suresh ho….
*************
log kahte hai bhagwan ne tumhe fursat se banaya hoga,,,thik hi kahte hai altu- faltu kam fursat me hi hote hai.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
A Boy Got Caught In Class Throwing Paper Airplanes.
Teacher Gave Him Punishment To Write 5000 Times “I Will Not Throw Paper Airplanes In Class.” And Submit It Tomorrow.
Next Day, He Submitted The Paper Written
#Include
#Include
Void Main( )
{
Clrscr( );Int N;
For( N=1 ; N<=5000 ; N++ )
Printf(“I Will Not Throw Paper Airplanes In Class”);
Getch( );
}
Be A Programmer… ;->
Think Differently!
*************
A Girl Will Always Forgive And Forget
But
She Will Never Let You Forget That She Had
Forgiven And Forgotton..
*************
Kid:Dad, Can We Go To McDonald?”
Dad:Only If You Can Spell Mcdonalds
Kid:Thought For A Mint, Turned Around
N Said
Can We Go To KFC Instead?
*************
One Of The Best Quote,
Always have a
BACKUP
BEFORE
BREAKUP!
*************
2 MEN TALKING
1st:
I am getting married because
I am tired of eating out,
cleaning house & doing laundry
2nd:
Strange,
I am taking divorce for same reasons!
*************
True Love is like a pillow.
U could HUG it when Ur in trouble.
U could CRY on it when Ur in pain.
U could EMBRACE it when Ur happy.
Want True Love?
Spend Rs.50 buy a Pillow.
*************
SILENCE
Is d best Answer
for all questions
.
SMILE
Is d best Reaction
in all situations
.
Unfortunately
.
BOTH Never Help In
any EXAM, VIVA, REVIEW INTERVIEW
*************
In an exam, a student who wasn’t prepared left the page blank
And at the bottom drew flowers and wrote -
“In the memory of my memory, which recently passed away!
*************
6 answers given by a GIRL wen she is proposed:
.
1.No
2.Give some time
3.I have always seen u as my frnd
4.I already have a bf
5.V shud concentrate on studies
6.dis is jus infactuation
.
If a BOY is proposed:
1. yes
2. yes
3. yes
4.yes
5.yes
6.yes
*************
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I’d be in your hands all day.
.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one everyday..
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
2 MEN TALKING
1st:
I am getting married because
I am tired of eating out,
cleaning house & doing laundry
2nd:
Strange,
I am taking divorce for same reasons
*************
A Boy Was Going With His Girl Friend
Friend Asked : Who Is She?
Boy : My Cousin.
The Frend Said: Last Year She Was My Cousin.! :D
*************
Judge: Tum apni limit cross kar rahe ho.
Lawyer: Kaun saala aisa kehta he?
Judge: Tum ne muje sala bola?
Lawyer: Nahi My Lord, maine pucha KAUN SA LAW aisa kehta he?
*************
Beautiful flowers die….
Nice stories end……
Lovely songs fade…….. ..
Momeries are forgotten… ..
All things comes to end…..
But people like YOU always remain forever
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
BECAUSE GHOSTS NEVER DIE
*************
One boy went to meet his girlfriend
when he came back at home
mom asked
kahaan gaey they ?
boy:us se milney
mom: kis liye?
boy: haan bohat kiss liye:
*************
Sardar on phone:
Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking…
*************
A man to Santa:
Your friend is kissing your wife in your home.
Santa rushes home and came back within
half an hour and slapped the man
and said:
“He’s not my friend.”
*************
Who‘s hot… Its U,
Who‘s
Charming… Its U,
Who‘s
Sweetest.. Its U,
Who‘s
Intelligent… Its U,
Who‘s dear & near friend… Its U
Who‘s a liar.. Its me
*************
A sardarji goes to a chinese restaurant
and puts his finger
on the last of menu: Bring this.
Waiter: Oh! you can’t get it
because he is the owner of restaurant.
*************
I have lots of jokes in my inbox,
But I can’t send you all of them,
It will take a lot of time,
So I’m sending you just 1 joke
.
.
.
“You are so beautiful”
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
wife:honey,what r u looking 4?
husband: nothing
wife:why have u been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ?
husband: i was just looking 4 the expiry date
*************
Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means…
Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
WIFE says: No darling , it means :-
With Idiot For Ever
*************
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper
so I would be in ur hands allday.
Husband: I too wish that u were
a newspapers so I could have
a new one everyday.
*************
What’s the similarity between chewing gum & begum(wife) ??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Both are sweet at the beginning
and
become tasteless, shapeless and chipku in the eNd…
*************
LOVE IS LIFE
LIFE IS WIFE
WIFE IS KNIFE
and
KNIFE IS DANGEROUS
*************
patni maike ja kar pati ko roz phon q karti hai.
.
.
.
.
.
.
taki pati ko yad rahe ki musibat abhi tali nahi hai
*************
Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.
*************
Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night
and suddenly shouts: “Up! Quick! My husband is back!”
Man gets up, jumps out of the window,
hurts himself, and then realizes: “Damn, I am the husband!”
pos
*************
You know why women starts with ‘W’…
because all questions start with “W”.. !
Who ?
Why ?
What ?
When ?
Which ?
Whom ?
Where ?
&
Finally Wife..!!!
*************
Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream
That u were sending me
Jewelry and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw
your dad paying the bill !!!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Circuit bhai naukar ne chandi ka chammach chori kar liya Munna kaun sa wala Circuit woich bhai jo apun hotel se chori kar ke laye the
*************
Gabbar ne sholey film me thakur ke haath Q kate the nahi pata Q ki thakur Gabbar ko sms nahi karta tha baki samajhdar ko ishara kafi hai
*************
Santa- Apne Bal ko to Dekho,
Jaise Ghas Ugi Ho.
Banta- Tabhi toh Main Soch Raha Tha
Ki Mere Pas Ye Jaanwar Kyo Khada Hai.?
*************
Sonu- Abe Dekh Mere Daant..
Kaise..
Heere Ki Tarah Chamak Rahe Hai..
Monu- To Mere Kaun Se Kam Hai.
.
Ek Dum.
.
Sone Ki Tarah Peele Hai..
*************
Bandar ka vayapari ek admi se bola-aapne bandaro ke trak ko yahan se jate huye dekha hai kya..
Admi-aap usme se gire hai kya..
*************
Golu-mere bete ka credit card chori ho
gya
molu-bank ko bataya
golu-nai
chor mere bete se kam kharch krta hai
*************
Mam:-Hanumaan Kiska Chhora tha?
Student:- Jaat Ka
Mam:-Woh Kaise?
STudent:- Uskay Kaam Jaato walay thay Ladai kisiki , Lugai Kisiki , Poonchh apni Phukwa li.
*************
yamraj hijde se bole-lao tumhara hisab.
dunia me kya krke aaye ho?
hijda-aaye haye harami, abe de ke kya bheja tha jo hisab mang rhe ho.
*************
Delivry K Waqt
Lady-God Ladka
Man-God Ladki
God-Shut Up,Dont Confuse Me
Varna Aisa Confuse ITEM Bana Dunga K Tum Dono Roage Or Wo Tali Bajayega
*************
Pagal1: maine tuje phone karna tha, pr tera mob.no. bhool gyapagal2: pagal muje msg kr k puch leta.Pagal1: sorry yaar dimag me nai aya ye toh,,,;??
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Wife: Main maayke ja rahi hu,
tumhe talaak ka notice bhej dungi.
Husband: Ja ja mithi-mithi bate karke
mujhe khush karne ki koshish mat kar.!!
*************
Pati ke marane ke 2re din
patni ne paper me advtz diya
mere pati ki antim
yatra me aane ke liye
sub ko thanks.
Kavita
(Age-32, Hight- 5ft 2inch,
Rang-Gora, NO-Child)
*************
If You Want To Remove Your Wrinkles, Pimples, Face Marks & The Signs Of Skin Aging Try…
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ADOBE PHOTOSHOP
*************
Sanata: Madam aap murgi hai kya.??
Teacher: q?
Santa: Aap mujhe hamesha test mein anda deti hai.!!
*************
Raj: Jaldi se 1 Glass Juice Do Ladai hone Wali hi.
Peny K Bad, Raj: 1 Glass aur do Ladai Hone Wali Hi.
Juice Wala: Ladai Kab Hogi?
Raj: Jab tu Paise mange ga tab!!
*************
Santa Banta se: Bhai ye khushiyan kya hoti hain?
Banta: Pata nahi bhai, meri to kam umar me hi shadi ho gayi thi.!!
*************
Santa child – mere papa bahut darpok hain,
Banta vhild – how?
Santa child – jab bhi road cross karten hain, meri ungli pakad lete hain.
*************
Banta to son : oye tere result ka kya hoya
son : papaji is class wich ek saal aur lagega
Banta : koi gal nahi puttar, tu chahe to 2 saal aur laga le par fail nahi hona.
*************
Santa : Bhai Saheb Do ticket dena.
Conductor : Do kyon
Santa : Agar ek kho gaya to dusra kaam aayega.
Conductor : Agar dono kho gaya to?
Santa : To phir pass kab kaam aayega
*************
Ye Biwiya apne pati ko”A.G.”kyo bulati hai?
Kyuki Biwiya Sanskari hoti hai.
Bhare Bazzar me “abe Gadhe” nahi keh sakti isliye Short form me bulati hai.
“A.G.”
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Ishq ke COLLEGE me naya mahoul taiyar ho gaya,
Pappu ki GF se puri class ko pyar ho gaya,
Bas tabhi se pappu udas ho gaya,
Puri class fail or Pappu pas ho gaya!
*************
Fees maafi ke liye Application:
To
The PrincipaL
Sir,
Baat ye hui k mere Dad ne mujhe fees k liye 2000 rupe Diye the, 500 ki dosto k sath film dekh li, 500 ki drink ho gayi,
500 ka girlfrind ka recharge karwana pad gaya fir usko 250 ki coffee pilai, aur bache 250 english wali mam pe shart har gaya…
Mein samjhta tha ki unka sirf maths ke sir ke saath chakkar hai par unka to aapse bhi chakar nikla,
ab aapke paas 2 hi raste haia…
Ya to meri fees maaf ya aapka pardafaash..
Asha karta hun meri fees maaf ho jayegi…
Aapka pyara
Vidyarthi..
Chappal Chor Das
*************
Principal- I tried ur number so many times,
it said switched off..
STUDENT said : ya… it’s my CALLER TUNE
Principal shock!
Student Rock!
*************
Studnt ke dilo ki awaz:
Zindgi ka rukh mod dnge,
Sari bandise tod dnge
Ye Semester…..
Jese-tese nikl jaye,
Next Semester me to pakka record tod denge!
*************
Munn Bhai: College ka fulform kya hota he Circuit?
Circuit: Boleto bhai,
C-come
O-on
L-love
L-lets
E-every
G-girl
E-every day
Bhai!!
*************
Sir: Achha Insan Wo Hi He Jo Dusro K Kaam
Aaye
Santa: Par Madam
Exam Me Na Aap
Humare Kaam Aati Hai
Aur Na Hi Kisi Aur Ko
Aane Deti Hai.
*************
Class Rooms r like Train
1st 2 benches r Executive Coaches-Reserved for VIP
Middle 2r Genral Compartment
N Last 2r Sleeper Class
*************
SANTA Class Me 1 Donkey Le Kar Aaya
Tacher: Iss Ko Kyu LaYe Ho?
SANTA: Sir Aap ne hi to Kaha Tha Ki Aap
Gadhe Ko Bhi Insan bana dete ho..
*************
Life of a student:
PC hai net Nahi,
ATM Hai paise Nahi,
Cell Hai balance Nahi,
EXAM hai tension Nahi,
Padna hai, lekin saala mood Nhi!!
*************
Teacher: Gandhi Jayanti k baray mein kya jantey ho?
Stdnt: Gandhi solid aadmi tha,
par maa kasam apun ko ye nahi malum k ye Jayanti kaun thi.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
A Bihari rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his motorcycle had
*************
A Bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets,Do tho
ticket dena, the person at the window tells him that there is a house
full, so this Bihari says koi baat nahin do house full de do.
*************
A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked for one Wills: Bhai ek
Will dena, so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is
no brand by the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted
and said I want one Will, so the person told him unless you say it
correctly i.e Wills I won’t sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad
and said “Hum ek hi to maang rahen hain pura packet to nahin maang
rahen hain”.
*************
This incident happened when we were in college. Two Biharis
talking to each other, “Aaj Mother teresa aa rahen hai Kennedy
Auditorium mein saam ko aap chalenge na , hum aap ko 5.30 p.m sharp
pe lene aienge, so this fellow didn’t know who is Mother Teresa and
replied back,” nahin bhai aap hi chale jaiye hum Englis film nahin
dekhte hain
*************
There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets, so when
the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and
so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets , this fellow
answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them, so the
T.T.E said what if you lose both of them, so this guy said then why
do I have a monthly pass.
*************
the logical reason behind such hatred for biharis is that we biharis dont have much work opportunity in our state so v r alws moving out into other states for jobs or education. and thereby the people living there come to knw our unique culture and way ofliving. nw as an indian every indian is uncomfortable in different proportion towards a culture or belief which is nt their own. and so biharis r loathed everywhere. bt yes we do come out as champions.
*************
who cares !..
I mean a joke is a joke and should be taken lightly.
Biharis are smelly, good for nothing people anyways. why bother!!1!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Press down
again
again.. please
once more
sorry again
6 times more
Oh! Again
1 Time again
don’t u have any job?
*************
Human lies!,
that is normal.
lions eat grass,
that is ok.
but when a z monkey
press a mobile keyboard
that s amazing!!!
hey r u still pressing..
*************
One of the
Intelligent
Monkey
Mising
In
Zoo.!
Its name is..
is..
is..
is..
is..
is..
is..
is..
is..
Don’t worry
It is not u,
beCos
It is intelligent..
*************
Lets play a GAME,
Its very interesting,
Ready?
3
2
1
START,
Kya START?
Bhootni k Kuch Kaam Kar Le.
Har Waqt Mobile Mai Ghusa Rehta Hai…
*************
Khudi Ko Kar Kanjoos Itna,
K har SMS se Bhejne se pehle.
Service Center waly Call ker k khud Puchein.
Pakki Baat Hai?
Bhejna Hai K “Sending Failed” Karen?
*************
Ghazab Ka Nakhra Ajeeb Yeh Style Hai
Sms Nahi Kartey Or Kehtay Ho
Mere Pass Mobile Hai
Bey-Sharmi Ki Had To Dekho
Yeh Parh K B Aap K Chehray Par SMILE Hai.
*************
Suna Hai Aapki Muskurahat Pe Har Kio Marta Hai.
.
.
.
Zara Time Nikaal Kar Aana To.
.
.
.
Ek Chooha Maarna Hai.
*************
Yaar tmhare Number ko kya howa hai? Maine abhi call ki to operator Boli “welcome 2 jungle aap ka matlooba bandar darakht se ulta latka hua hai plz try later..
*************
1
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Shabbash..
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Ab so jao !
kal A-B-C parhain gay…
*************
Dunya buri hosakti he,
AAP NAHI
.
Loog bure hosakte hen, AAP NAHI,
.
Dunya bewaffa hosakti he, AAP NAHI,
.
Pagaal thek ho sakte he, AAP NAHI
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Flowers means honey…,honey means sweet… Sweet means desire …,Desire means Love…,Love means Friend…,Friend means U sweet sweet…
*************
why do we close our eyes when we pray?
when we cry?
when we dream?
when we kiss?
coz,we know dat most beautiful things in life r not
seen but felt by heart
*************
ZINDAGI MEIN RAASTAY KAISE BHI HO GUZAR JAYEGE. 1 DIN CHUPKE SE HUM BHI MAR JAYEGE. AJ REHTEIN HAI YAR KE DIL MEIN YAAD BAN KAR. KAL AANSOO BAN KAR ANKHON SE NIKAL JAYEGE –
*************
Doctor’s prescription 4 u.
A cute little smile 4 breakfast.
More laughs 4 lunch.
Lots of happiness for dinner.
Doctor’s fee? An sms when u r free.
*************
Friendship is not a game to play, It is not a word to say, It doesn’t start on March and ends on May, It is tomorrow, yesterday, today and everyday.
*************
Boy: I am not rich like rohit, I don’t even have a bid car like rohit. But I really love you! Girl: I love you too, but tell me more about rohit..
*************
Science has proved that sugar melts in water,so plz don`t walk in the rain,
otherwise I may lose a sweet friend like u!!
*************
If u drop me, i ‘ll break, If u hold me, i ‘ll shake, If u need me, i’ll hurry, If u don’t call me, i ‘ll worry, If u hurt me, i’ll cry, but friend , If u leave me, i ‘ll die…
*************
We’ve known each other by CHANCE, became friends by CHOICE, still friends by DECISION. And when we say FRIEND FOREVER, that’s definitely a lifetime PROMISE!
*************
A friend is someone we turn to when our spirits need a lift. A friend is someone we treasure for
our friendship is a gift. A friend is someone who fills our lives with beauty, joy, and grace.
And makes the whole world we live in a better and happier place
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Agar Doctor na film banane start kar di to film ka nam hoga-
Paralyzed ho na ho
Hum blood de chukka sanam
Mari yaar ke endscopy hai
Kaho na Diabeteshai
Hash ap hamara patient hoti
Pregnant banaya apna
Kabhi ICU Kabhi CCU
Hamara stethoscope apke pas hai
Operation to hona hi tha
Phir haddi fracture
Om surgery Om
Hypertension for you.
*************
Patient:Nurse Moojhe EKDAM potti nahi aati,Chawal khaya to chawal nikle,Roti khaye to roti,normal ke liye kya karu?
Nurse:PoTTI KHA!!!!
*************
Doctor:bolo apki husband ki keya problem hai?
Bibi:wo khub durbal hai.
Doctor:usko besi besi karke dud khawan.
Bibi:maine to dudh khane ke lyee kaha magar wo to pita hai.
*************
Patient: Docter Sab, mujhe bhool janey ki bemari hai
Doctor: Aap ko ye bemari kab se hai?
Mareez: Konsi bemari. . .
Then Doctor give a prescription to the patient
Kus samay bad—-
Mareez : doctor sab a dawai to kahin se nahi mil rahi
Doctor: oo ho.. dawai likhna to hum bhol hi gaya ye to hamara signature hai:-
*************
Patient Doctor ko bola –> Doctor Sahab Mujhe Dur Ka Nazar Nahi ata hai..
Doctor na kaha– > Wo Asmaan Par Kia Hai?
Mareez –> wo Suraj hai
Doctor > Aabay andhay is s e duur kia khudha ko dekhaga keya..!
*************
Patient:
It Must Be Tough Spending All Day
With Your Hands In Someone’s Mouth.
Dentist:
I Just Think Of It
As Having My Hands In Their Wallet.
*************
Admi:maine bohut dinse cigarette chodne ke liee kosis karta raha hum agar nahi parta hu.
Doctor:jaldi petrol pump par koi job le lijie ga.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
ek din mirinda aur 7up ladne lage jab pepsi ne poocha applogh kyun ladh rahe hoo, tu mirinda aur 7up ne pepsi se kaha sale kale tu apna kaam kar.
*************
Ur sms is electrical activity of my Heart!
Ur miss call is beat of my Heart!
Ur call is blood circulation of my heart!
So please keep active my Heart!
*************
Sardar got a job in AIRTel
custmr: Hello my AIRTEL sim loked what 2Do?
Srd: y don take tention remove airtel sim put BSNL,thank u 4caling
*************
Padan likhan di ki lodh punjabian nu.
punjabi vaise hi hushiar hunde.botal
sharab di master kol de k jande number
ape 6 to 66 hunde.
*************
Panjabi Larki Ka Izhaar-e-Mohabbat Pe Jawab..
.
Boy:
Menu Tuade Nal Pyar Ho Geya A..
.
Girl:
Hansi Or Sharma K Boli,
“Dafa O Kuty Deya Buchya”
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A job in Railways.
Salary 15000/-,
job profile:-When the
headlight of the Engine
is not working you
have to run infront of
the train with a torch,
So hurry up…
wish u all the best
*************
what is the diffrent between
Himami & Sunami?
Himami is face wash,
Sunami is total wash.
*************
Sardar goes 2 gulabo’s home n knocks the door.
Gulabo: kon?
Sardar:Main!
Gulabo:Main kon??
Sardar: Tu gulabo, hor kon!!
*************
Munna: Abay Circuit! Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula ke laa, meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.
Circuit: Aey Bhai ! aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna: Bolay to meri fees buhat zyada hai.
*************
TEACHER :Name the animal which live in water & land
STUDENT :Simple ‘Frog’
TEACHER :Now name such 4 animal
STUDENT :Simple “Frog’s mother,Frog’s fath er,Frog’s sister”.:
*************
Patient: Doctor aap ko yakeen hai ke mujhay Namoonia (pneumonia) hai, kyun ke pichlay dino aik doctor meri friend ka Namoonia ka ilaaj karta raha aur woh Typhoid say mar gayi.
Munna: Haan ray meray ko pakka yaqeen hai, tu namoonia say hi maray ga.
*************
Tragedy of moon
So attractive but so simple
So enlightening but so cool
So moving but so still
So quite but so popular
And so romantic but always single
*************
Hasdi c hasdi c
Walaan nu lehrandi c
Wekh k sharmandi c
Kuj soch k fer muskarandi c
Aaj pta lgga saali aap te pagal c
Sanu we pagal bnandi c
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
A TEACHEr says to noughty boy” jab main sakht hoty hoon to bhoot sakht hoty hoon or jab main naram hoty hooon to bhoot narem”
Boy.:
Miss App to bilkul mere Dogi ki dum jesi hain jab tedi he to tedi he or jab sidhi he to bilkul sidhi he.!
—
*************
A child Never seen his Hips. One Day his hit him hard on his hips. Child come back 2 home & saw in tha mirror & said Kamini ne 2 tukry ker diye..!
*************
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.
*************
Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What ‘which part’? Whole body was born in India .
*************
sani ka daan, sani ka daan,
.
.
.
Yaar Tu To Mast Bol Leta Hai,
To Suru Ho Ja Ghar Ghr Ja Kar,Gujhiya Hi Gujhiya Milegi,,
.
.
.
Teri To Holi Mast Man Gyi Kyu :)
*************
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
*************
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
*************
Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with ‘T’.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
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Ques – Santa ne aag mein jalte hue makaan se 7 logo ko baahar nikla lakin ab wo jail me hai kyun ?
Ans – Kunki sabi 7 log FIREMEN they.
*************
Patient:-doctor mujhe beemari hae khana na khau to bhuk lag jaati hae,jyada kaam karta hu to thakan lag jaati hae,der tak utha rahu to need aa jaati hae.Kya karu?
Doctor:-Raat bhar dhoop mae bhete raho sahi ho jaoge.
*************
GADHE ke samne 1 PAANI ki & 1 DARU ki balti rakhi’
GADHA Paani pi gaya.
Police ne sharabi se pucha- Tune is se kya sikha???
Sharabi- Jo DAARU nahi pita vo GADHA hai…
*************
Santa- Agar nariyal k ped pe chhad jaun to Engineering college ki ladkiyan dikh jaayengi??
Banta- Zaroor!! Aur haath chhod dega to medical college ki bhi dikh jaayengi..
*************
Film Director to Actor: Tum ko 100 feet ki height se swimming pool me jump lagana hai.
Actor: Par mere ko tairna nahi aata, mein doob jaunga.
Film Director: Don’t worry, pool me paani nahi hai.
*************
Bewafa se kabhi pitar nahi hota
Marne k baad intizaar nahi hota
Har kisi se dosti dekh kar karna
Har insaan meri tarhan
COOL, SWEET OR SMART nahi hota
*************
Har Roz HAPPY Life Jiya Kijiye,
Mujh Ko 2, 4 SMS Bhi Kiya Kijiye,
Ho Sakay To Roz 1 Kaam Kiya Kijye,
Zyada Nahi Bas Dua Me Yaad Kiya Kijiye..
*************
DiL Main Basa Rakha Hai Teri Wafaon Ko,
Aankhon Me Chupa Rakha Hai Teri Adaon Ko,
Iss Jahan Main Kya Doon Tumhe Batao,
Ho Sake To Tohfa Samajh Lena Meri Duaon Ko.. !
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Santa: tainu Sunny Deol da phone no pata hai…?
Banta: Nahin, kyon ki hoya?
Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna si.
*************
Santa to Banta : Santa- mujhe kal paanch logon ne peeta..
Banta-to tune kuch nahi kiya..??
Santa-maine kaha saalo ek ek karke aao..
Banta-fir kya hua…??
Santa-fir kya..sabne mujhe baari baari karke wapas peeta..!!!
*************
Mumbai may ghareb awam mer rahi hay.terrorist ksi k qabo me nai aarhay.Indian Govt se guzarish hay k..
.
.
.
.
.
.
‘Sunny Deol’ ko bhejo na..:-
*************
People often talk about Rajnikant, but they forget about the antics and dialogues of our great Mithun da ..
Here are some amazing dialogues from Mithun da’s films. Enjoy !!!!
`
” Bheegi hui cigarette kabhi jal nahi sakti…..
aur yeh tay hai ki teri maut ki taarikh tal nahi sakti ”
Apuun ka naam hai HEERA,
Apuun ne sab ko Cheera…” (wah wah…..)
`
shetty: “kaun hai be tu?”
Mithun da says-
“Mai hoon tum jaise logon se nafarat karne wala,
Garibon ke liye jyoti, Gundon ke liye jwala
tuze banake maut ka Ek niwala,
tere sine mein gaad dunga mai maut ka bhala.
Mila doonga yamraj se tere ko salaaaa.” (what a poetry!!!!
*************
Veeru:Basanti in kutton ke aage mat naachna Santa sitting with his dog in d theater. Saali naachegi kaise nahi,kutte ka bhi ticket liya hai
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Jab Apka janam hua
Baadal fata Adbhoot roshni hui,
Bhagwaan khud sab k saamne prakat hue aur bole -
SORRY 4 DA MISTAKE! KINDLY ADJUST PLZ..!
Happy Birthday!
*************
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY”
To You
Shocked ?
Actually Aaj Ke Din
Jabir Bin Hayan
Ne ‘LOTA’ Ejaad kia Tha
To Maine Socha Har
‘LOTAY’
Ko Wish Kar Doon.
*************
Tumhari is ada ka kya jawab du,
apne dost ko kya uphar du,
koi accha sa phool hota to mali se mangvata,
jo khud gulab hai usko kya gulab du…
Junam Din Mubarak Ho
*************
Kick off ur shoes, take a break, Crank the tunes, Dance & Shake, light the candles, cut the cake. Make it a day, that’s simply Great!!! Happy B’Day..
*************
This msg has No Fat
No cholesterol n No Addictive
this is all natural except, with a lot of sugar. But it can never be as sweet as the one reading it.Happy Birthday
*************
Sun arise as usual time,
Rays fall on grass at usual time,
Birds fly at the usual time,
But all they shouting
“whers the party tonight?”
so have a very very special B’day!!
*************
I’m So Glad That God Gave Me A Son Like You.
I’m So Proud To Have You As A Son.
I See A Little More Of Me In You With Each Passing Year.
No Matter How Many Birthdays Come And Go, You’ll Always Be My Little Boy.
Happy Birthday Son.
*************
Birthday Message for a Boss
It’s nice to work for someone who knows
the secret to being a good manager…
being a good person.
Happy Birthday Boss,
keep up the good work.
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Boy: Boys are always more intelligent than girls
Girl: Any proof?
Boy: We always say intelliGENT, have u ever heard telling intelliLADY. .?
*************
Girlfriend to Boyfriend: Now it is time we should marry.
Boyfriend: That’s ok, but who will marry us.
*************
Girlfriend (boyfriend se): Ab hame shaadi kar leni chahiye.
Boyfriend: Voh to theek hai… par hum se shaadi karega koun?
*************
Teacher: “Me tumhari jaan nikal dungi”
Iski English batao kia hogi?
Student: English ki aisi ki taisi, tu hath to laga k dikha…!!!
*************
god askd man”whats ur wish? Man ” god please give me my bacheler days bach; ‘god laughed n said; ‘beta MANNAT mangne ko kaha tha JANNAT nahi
*************
Santa- Apne Bal ko to Dekho,
Jaise Ghas Ugi Ho.
Banta- Tabhi toh Main Soch Raha Tha
Ki Mere Pas Ye Jaanwar Kyo Khada Hai.?
*************
Tcher 2 Stdt-Beta Ans sheet pr sabse phle kya likhna chahiye?
St-IS SHEET PAR LIKHE GYE ANS KALPNIK H JINKA KISI B BOOK SE KOI SMBANDH Nhi H or
Yadi koi sambandh hai to wo co-incidence hoga..
*************
Gabbar ne sholey film me thakur ke haath Q kate the nahi pata Q ki thakur Gabbar ko sms nahi karta tha baki samajhdar ko ishara kafi hai
*************
Circuit bhai naukar ne chandi ka chammach chori kar liya Munna kaun sa wala Circuit woich bhai jo apun hotel se chori kar ke laye the
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
winkle Twinkle little star**
Teri girl friend gaee bazar
usko milgaya dosra yaar..(copyright www.lovelysms.com)
ab tou beth kar makhiyaan maar..!!fakeha
Alcaholic mandhra
“Gurur’RUM’a
Gurur’VODKA’
‘GINN’eswara
Guru’SCOTCH’al
Para’BRANDY”
Thasmesree
‘BEAR’eNamaha
*************
Bus Me 1 Khusra,Or us ki back side par,
Ek baba ji thay….
Pechy se kisi sharir larky na..
Khusry ko ungli charha di,
Or khud pechy hat gia ….
Khusry nay pichy mur kar baby se kaha,
Baba ji main sadky Ay miss call tusi diti ay?
Baby nay apni DOTI utha kar kaar kaha,
Nahi Ballo! Mera tey Balance ei khatam A
*************
Life is too short to wake up
in the morning with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right
and
forget about the ones who don’t.
*************
Unho ne apna
haath barhaya
hai
faqt mujhe thamane
k liye,,
Par unse
main ye kaise kahu
k mujhe haath
nahi
saathi chahiye
*************
Takdir hai magar kismat nahi khulti
Taj Mahal banana chahata hoon lekin
Mumtaz nahi marti
*************
Aap ki Hasi Kabhi Kam naa Ho
Aapki Aankh kabhi Aasuon se Nam naa Ho.
Mile Zindagi me Har Khushi Aapko.
Bhale uss Khushi me Hum ho naa Ho
*************
Dosti hum ne khoob nibhayi hai….
dosti aur pyaar me na koi dewaar banayi hai….
log to dosti karte hain chehre dekh kar….
par aap ne to dosti ki ek alag pehchaan banayi hai…
harti so rahi hai, Aasman so raha hai
Dharti so rahi hai,Aasman so raha hai
Nonsense! yeh sab kya ho raha hai?
*************
Mein aapko ye to nahi kahta k
Mein aapko msg karta hun to aap bhi mujhe msg karo.
Par mere pyare dosto tum jinda bhi ho
Ye batane k liye to ek msg kar diya karo.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Wife:”Tum Mujh Se Kitna Pyar Karte Ho?”
Husband:”Shahjahan Jitna.”
Wife:”Mere Marnay Ke Baad TAJ MAHAL Banao Gay?”
Husband:”Main Nein To Plot Bhi Le Liya Hai,DELAY To Tum Kar Rahi Ho!!!”
*************
2 Ghadhe{donky}apas main bateen kar rahe thay.1st yar mera malik bohat zalim hay.bohat marta hay kaam
b zyada leta hay.2ndto tum bhag jao na is ko chood ke.1st yar bhag to jaon per ik waja se ruka hoon.mera
malik jab b apni BETI se ladayi karta hay na.to us ko ye kehta hy ke beti tum sudher jao warna main ney teri
shadi GADHE se kar deni hay..
*************
3 Fastest means of communication
1 : Tele-Phone
2 : Tele-Vision
3 : Tell-a-women
Need still faster?
Tell her not 2 tell any1..
*************
Sardar : goes to police station and complains to police… Koi mujhe phone pe dhamkatha hai.
Police : kon phone karke dhamkatha hai.
Sardar :Airtel wale bolthe hai Bill nahi bhara tho “KATH DENGE
*************
Sardar proposed a Girl…… Girl said Im 1yr elder to you……….. Sardar said Oye No Problem Soniye,Ill marry you NEXT YEAR.
*************
Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means…Without Information Fighting Everytime!
WIFE satys No, it means -
With Idiot for Ever
*************
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery,
and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said,
“You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.
A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said ?You’re cute!? Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of ?beautiful? it was ?cute.? She said ?What happened to ?beautiful?? His reply was ?The drugs are wearing off!?
*************
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, ‘You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?’
‘Why?’ she asks.
‘Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.
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Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him. Next day he closed his bank account. Know why?
Because the bank’s slogan was: We make your dreams come true…
*************
Santa: Go and water the plants.
Servant: it’s already raining.
Santa: So what? Take an umbrella and go.
*************
Santa threw his watch off the balcony of his house on the tenth floor. He ran downstairs and still managed to catch it. How did he do that? Because Santa’s watch is always ten minutes slow.
*************
Santa being romantic to his wife.
“One day God tested me , erased all my memory and asked do you remember anyone now?
I told Him your name and He replied, “I am sorry some viruses cannot be formatted””
*************
Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai uska?
Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha “CHAALU KHAATA”
*************
Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
*************
santa: samindar me dahi dal raha tha
banta:isi liye log humpe joke banate hay. itni lassi tera baap piyega
*************
JUDGE to Santa, Tumhara jurm sabit ho chuka he, kal tumhe Fansi pe chdhaya jayega.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Santa: Wo to thik he,lekin utara kab jayega . . .
*************
Sabziwala Sabzi Par Pani Chhidak Raha Tha
Kaafi Der ho Gayi to Santa Kantaal Ke bola-
Agar Sabzi ko HOSH Aa Gaya ho to Ek kilo De Do…!!!
*************
Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat
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American: do you know swimming?
Indian: no
American: dog is better than you, it swims
Indian: do you know swimming?
American: yes
Indian: then what’s the difference between you and dog.
*************
Indian-I have 4-Sisters & 3-Brothers.
What about U?
American-I have No Sis or Bro,
but I have 4-Moms From my 1st Dad & 5-Dads From my 1st Mom.
*************
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with
his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see
that Indian?”
“Yeah,” says the other cowboy.
“Look,” says the first one, “he’s listening to the ground.
He can hear things for miles in any direction.”
Just then the Indian looks up. “Covered wagon,” he says,
“about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white.
Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon.”
“Incredible!” says the cowboy to his friend. “This Indian
knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they
are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!”
The Indian looks up and says, “Ran over me about a
half hour ago.”
*************
A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a
small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar,
ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar.
As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke
rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an
angry American Indian stomped up to him and said, “One more
remark like that and I’ll smash your face in!
*************
The tourist was admiring the Indian’s necklace.
“What is it made of?” she asked.
“Alligator’s teeth,” the Indian replied.
“I suppose,” she said patronizingly, “that they mean as much
to you as pearls do to us.”
“Oh, no,” he objected. “Anybody can open an oyster.
*************
American To Indian:
Tum Paglon K Sath Kya Salook Karte Ho?
Indian:
Hum Unko Pagal Khane Main
Band Kar Dete Hain
American:
Ye To Human Rights Ki Voilation Hai
Ham American To Unhen
America Ka President Bana Dete Hain
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Memon to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota hai to naya kyun le rahe ho?
Memon: jo toota hai woh akhri tha.
*************
EIK MEMON KHALI KATORE ME ROTI DABA KAR KHA RAHA THA
WAITER NE DEKA TU PUCHA: AAP YE KYA KAR RAHE HAIN?
MEMON NE JAWAB DIYA: MAIN MATHS KA TEACHER HUN, AUR DAAL SUPPOSE KAR KE KHA RAHA HUN
*************
Memon: Pent Ki Sila?
Tailor: 150 Rupees
Memon: Nekar Ki?
Tailar: 50 Rupees
Memon: Ok Nikar Hi See De
Par Lambai Pairon Tk Rkhna…
*************
Memon ask a taxi driver Data Sahib k mazaar jao gay?
Driver: Haan jaonga.
Memon ne jaib se ek shopper nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ke chawal lete aana.
*************
Memon larka apni girlfriend k sath
date maar ker wapis aaya to
baap nay pocha, kitnay rupai kharch karey?
Beta: Rs.50
Baap:itne saray kioon?
Beta: Bes uske paas itne hi thai…
*************
Aik memon ko jin chimat gaya 2 din baad jin khud ek Aalim ke paas gaya aur bola: Janab, Mujhe bahir nikalo mein to bhooka he mar jaonga!
*************
Ek memon ki shadi men bryani ki jageh pani
zyada dia jaraha tha , ek aadmi ne kaha
bhai sahab thori si bryani milegi ?
pani gale men atak gaya hai………
*************
Memon At Petrol Pump
Bhai 1rs Ka Petrol Dal Do
Salesman: Bhai Itna Sara Petrol Dalva
K Kahan Jana Hai?
Memon: Jana Kahan Hai Hm
To Aise Hi Paise Udaate Hai…
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A memon getup in the morning and saw his wife died
He runs towards the kitchen where his daughter preparing the breakfast
He hug his daughter and said make breakfast lessen of one
Person and start weeping
*************
Memon: Bhi kelay kiaa darjen hain
Raili wala 1 Rupay darjin
Memon: 60 Paisay may kitne milenge
Raili wala: 60 Paisay may to chilkay he milengay
Memon: Aisa karo 60 paisay k chilkay aap nikaal k mujhay 40 paisay k khali kalay de do
*************
A Memon on his death bed:
My wife, where are you?
Wife: Yes, I’m here.
My sons and daughters, are you all here?
Children: Yes, Papa
Memon: To phir barabar wale kamre ka pankha kyun khula hai
*************
1 memon 14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne apni ghar ki khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!
*************
1 memon ne arbi ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Arabi ne usey Mercedez gift kardi.
Arabi ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
Memon ne phir khoon dia.
Ab ki baar Arabi ne til ke laddu gift kiye,
Memon: Ghusse se, Mercedez kyun nahi di?
Arabi: Ab hamare andar bhi Memono ka khoon daur raha hai
*************
A Memon called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Baap Mar gaya hai, kya charges honge?
Newspaper: Rs. 50 per word.
Memon: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho “Ghafoor Bhai Died”.
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Memon: Oh ho! zara sochne do….. Achha… likho……. ……… .
Ghafoor Bhai Died — Suzuki for Sale.
*************
Memon to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota hai to naya kyun le rahe ho?
Memon: jo toota hai woh akhri tha.
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Sardar ko sapne me ek ladki ne chappal mari, 2 din tak sardar apne bank nahi gaya, Qnki bank me likha tha.. “hum aapke sapne ko hakikat me badalte hain”
*************
Sardar: Doctor Sahab, Chashma lagne ke baad mai parh to paon ga na Doctor: Jee haan bilkul kyun nahi….. Sardar: Shukar, warna un-parh ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai
*************
1 pathan apne Betay k 6 mah bad birthday mna rha tha. Sardar ne pucha khan sahib: Log to sal bad birthday mnaty hen. Pathan bola: Hmare han smester systm chlta hai
*************
Titanic was sinking.
Santa: How much the earth is far from here?
Banta: 1 kilo meter.
Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: “…In which direction?
*************
Manager: Sorry, mein aap ko koi job nahi de sakta. Mere pas tum ko dene ke liye koi kaam nahi hai. Santa: Oh sir ji, aap chinta na karo, bas mere ko job de do. Mein aap se kaam dene ke liye kabhi nahi kahunga.
*************
Chand pe likh du naam tera ye mere dil me khayal aata hai. Par…
Ek to mera haath vahan tak nahi jata hai
Dusra, yeh khayal dupehar ko aata hai.
*************
Desi Old Man: Beta mere daant le ke aa.
Beta: Par pitashiri, abhi to bhojan tayar bhi nahi hua hai
Desi Old Man: Bhojan nahi khana, meine to sahmne wali buddhi ko smile deni hai
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Aliens Have Contacted The Earth…
Just Watch The News And See It….
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And
One More Thing Advance Mein Happy April Fool..!
*************
Today if anyone praises U 4 UR:
1.SMARTNESS
2.NATURE
3.STYLE
4.ATTITUTE
Kick them
how dare they
Can Fool U
before APRIL 1st…
*************
plz cal me urgent..
`
`
`
`
janab msg to pura padh liya kro. pata nhi kon kub pahle april fool bana de.
*************
Sine me dil,
Dil me dard,
Dard me yaqin,
Yaqin me khyal,
Khayal me khwab,
Khuwab me tasvir
Tasvir me sirf ap!
Itna Darawna khuwab?
Baap re Baap
Jab tum aine ke paas jate ho to aina kehta hai
beautiful beautiful?
aur jab tum aine se dur jate ho to aina kahata hai
? aprilfool, aprilfool ?
*************
So Sweet is ur SMILE???
so Sweet is ur STYLE???
so Sweet is ur VOICE???
so Sweet is ur EYE?????
see …….how Sweetly I LIE.
Happy April Fool Day!
*************
If today any 1 talks & praises u 4 ur
1) gud looks
2 ) nature
3 ) style
4 ) attitude,
kick them off.How dare they fool u before april 1st.
*************
I am your girlfriend:
Smart.
Intelligent.
Sweet.
Talented.
Excellent.
Romantic.
theek kaha na ?
In short I am your S.I.S.T.E.R. tongue.png
Happy April Fools Day
*************
When the whole world will, CELEBRATE:
YOUR NAME
YOUR FAME
YOUR PERSONALITY
YOUR THOUGHTS
YOUR VIEWS
But keep in mind,
April Fool comes once a year.
Congratulations!
*************
Santa banta se: APRIL FOOL manaya?
Banta: Haan!
Santa:kis k saath?
Banta:Biwi ke saath!
Maine usko 3 bar talaq dia
jab woh rone laga to Hum bola
APRIL FOOL,
APRIL FOOL..
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The best way to
release office stress is
To put your head on
the table, snooze,
yawn and say loud
.
.
.
.
“Bhaar Main Jaye Company …”:D
*************
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
*************
Bosses are some guy whome we have to face everyday. there is afamous saying” Boss is always correct. ” Here I want to dedicate this as an appreciation of that correct man. Read this funny joke on the Boss Day, let’s enjoy!!
*************
Employee: Sir, Plz increase my salary
Boss: No!
Employee: If you do not increase my salary,
I will tell every one in office that you have increased my salary and no one else’s
*************
The boss had listened in sympathetic silence as Mario went through the reasons why he needed, and felt he deserved, a raise.
Then, with a compassionate smile, the CEO patted he younger man on the shoulder. “Yes, Mario,” he said kindly, “I know you can’t get married on the salary I’m paying you… and some day you’ll thank me for it.”
*************
The boss employee relationship always have some tension. To relieve it, crack a joke or two!!
Boss: Raj, how many times I told you not to sing while you are working?
Raj: But I am not working sir. I am only singing!!
*************
Prayer Of An Employee :
Dear God,
Give Me The Wisdom To Understand My Boss.. ..
Give Me The Love To Forgive Him.. ..
Give Me The Patience To Understand His Deeds.. ..
But Dearest God Don’t Give The Power Because If You Give Me Power,
I WILL BREAK HIS HEAD.
*************
Boss: Tum Ne Kisi Ladki Ko Secretary Ki Job Par Rakh Liya,
Usse To Grammar Hi Nahi Aati.
Manager: Aap Ne Grammar Kaha Tha?
Main Samjha GLAMOUR Kaha Hai.
*************
Boss- Ek Accha Mirror Leke Aao,
Jisme Mujhe Mera Chehra Dikhayi De
Clerk: Main Sab Dukan par gaya,
Par Sabme Mere Hi Chehra Dikhayi de raha tha
*************
Boss: Tumhe driver ki job de raha hun.
Starting salary Rs.2000/-. Theek hai?
Driver: Gaadi Start karne ki salary is ok,
but Gaadi chalane ki salary kitni hai ?
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An employee of a
company goes to the toilet. He sits on the toilet seat. Opposite him, on the wall
he sees written :
Hey.! If you had given
as much effort on the business, you would
have achieved your target.
*************
Office Colleague: What is the diff. between a Secretary & a Personal Secretary?
Secretary Colleague: Secretary says “Good Morning Sir” &
Personal Secretary says,”Its morning sir”.
*************
Naukrani: Malkin aap udaas kyon hain?
Malkin: Tumhare sahab apne office ki kisi ladki se pyaar karte hai.
Naukrani: Nahin, sahab mujhe dhokha nahin de sakte
*************
Friend- Tu office me to sher bana ghumta hai,
Ghar pe tujhe kya ho jata hai?
Rajesh- Hota to sher he hoon, bas upar DURGA sawar ho jati hai…
*************
Employee: Sir, Plz increase my salary
Boss: No!
Employee: If you do not increase my salary,
I will tell every one in office that you have increased my salary and no one else’s
*************
Secretary: Boss will you advance me my next month`s salary?
Boss: Certainly not. I never make advances to my secretary.
*************
The best way to
release office stress is
To put your head on
the table, snooze,
yawn and say loud
.
.
.
.
“Bhaar Main Jaye Company …”:D
*************
Heard in a Company :
“I was hired to do
what’s Best for the Company, so I’ve
Decided to Fire Myself.”!
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Thinking of Indians
Sarkari Bus me bethna nahi,
Sarkari School me padhna nahi,
Sarkari Hospital me ilaz nahi,
Mager
Nokri chahiye to kewal Sarkari wah INDIA
*************
HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK
1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it ” Boss ”
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empt
*************
Prayer Of An Employee :
Dear God,
Give Me The Wisdom To Understand My Boss.. ..
Give Me The Love To Forgive Him.. ..
Give Me The Patience To Understand His Deeds.. ..
But Dearest God Don’t Give The Power Because If You Give Me Power,
I WILL BREAK HIS HEAD.
*************
Boss: Why did you leave your last job?
Applicant: Illness.
Boss: What was the trouble?
Applicant: My boss was sick of me!
*************
Once, Boss, Officer & Clerk going 4 a meeting. They saw a Jin.
Jin said: As i fulfill 3 wishes at a time
But u r 3 persons so i will fulfill 1 wish for each.
Clerk: Send me to America with a lot of money clerk disappears.
Officer: Send me to Paris with a lot of beautiful girls. officer disappears.
Boss: He said: “I want these two idiots back at office
Moral: Always Let the BOSS
SPEAK
*************
Boss: Tumhe driver ki job de raha hun.
Starting salary Rs.2000/-. Theek hai?
Driver: Gaadi Start karne ki salary is ok,
but Gaadi chalane ki salary kitni hai ?
*************
Boss : I’ve Not seen
you ever do work.!
Employee : I like work.
It fascinates me.
I can sit and look at it
for hours, Boss
*************
“I was hired to do
what’s Best for the Company, so I’ve
Decided to Fire Myself.”!
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A political leader was visiting the mental hospital. Mulla Nasrudin sitting in the yard said, ‚You are a
politician, are you not?‚
‚Yes,‚ said the leader. ‚I live just down the road.‚
‚I used to be a politician myself once,‚ said the Mulla, ‚but now I am crazy. Have you ever been
crazy?‚
‚No,‚ said the politician as he started to go away.
‚WELL, YOU OUGHT TRY IT,‚ said Nasrudin ‚IT BEATS POLITICS ANY DAY.‚
*************
The editor of the town weekly received this letter from Mulla Nasrudin:
‚Dear Sir: Last week I lost my watch which I valued highly. The next day I ran an ad in your paper.
Yesterday, I went home and found the watch in the pocket of my brown suit. YOUR PAPER IS
WONDERFUL!‚
*************
Mulla Nasrudin and some of his friends pooled their money and bought a tavern. They immediately
closed it and began to paint and fix it up inside and out. A few days after all the repairs had been
completed and there was no sign of its opening, a thirsty crowd gathered outside. One of the crowd
yelled out, Say, Nasrudin, when you gonna open up?
OPEN UP? WE ARE NOT GOING TO OPEN UP, said the Mulla. WE BOUGHT THIS PLACE
FOR OURSELVES!
*************
Mulla Nasrudin was telling a friend how he got started in the bank business.
I was out of work, he said, so to keep busy, I rented an empty store, and painted
the word BANK on the window. The same day, a man came in and deposited
300.Nextday, another fellow came in and put in250.
WELL, said Nasrudin, I WAS GOING TO, BUT YOU KNOW HOW SILLY I LOOK IN A SILK HAT.
*************
The pilot at the air show was taking passengers up for a spin around town for five dollars a ride.
As he circled city with Mulla Nasrudin, the only customer aboard, he his engine and began to glide
toward the airport.
‚I will bet those people down there think my engine couped out,‚ he laughed. ‚I will bet half of them
are scared to death.‚
‚THATS NOTHING.‚ said Mulla Nasrudin, ‚HALF OF US UP HERE ARE TOO.‚
*************
The boss was complaining to Mulla Nasrudin about his constant tardiness. Its funny,he said. You are always late in the morning and you live right across the street. Now, Billy Wilson, who lives two miles away, is always on time.There is nothing funny about it,said Nasrudin. ”if Billy is late in the morning, he can hurry, but if I am late, I am here.”
*************
A man who has been married for ten years complained one day to his friend Mulla Nasrudin. When we were first married, he said, I was very happy. I would come home from a hard day at the office. My little dog would race around barking, and my wife would bring me my slippers.
Now after ten
years, everything has changed. When I come home, my dog brings me my slippers, and my wife
barks at me!DONT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT said Nasrudin.YOU ARE STILL
GETTING THE SAME SERVICE, ARE YOU NOT?
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A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
*************
A little bird was flying South for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy.
Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.
*************
A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.
The physician remarked, “Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world.”
The civil engineer interrupted, and said, “But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world.”
The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, “Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?”
*************
There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog. One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washerman was fast asleep too but the donkey and the dog were awake. The dog decided not to bark since the master… did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson. The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn’t bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly. Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.
Moral of the story ” One must not engage in duties other than his own”
*************
A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
” Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s…!” exclaimed the eager salesman.
“Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that?” asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, ” Why, madam?”
“There’s no electricity in the house…” said the lady
**********
MORAL: Gather All resources before working on any project…!!!
*************
A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own
opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read ‘BEST DEALS.’
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and
announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading ‘LOWEST PRICES.’
The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign
of all over his own shop. It read: ‘MAIN ENTRANCE’
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A beggar found 100 Rs,
He decided to have a gr8 diner,
He went to a 5 star h0tel & enj0yed the diner,
When bill came he said I have n0 m0ney,
Manager called p0lice and handed the beggar over to him,
The beggar gave 100 Rs to p0liceman and set free
This is FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT indeed!
*************
A management student/boy hugs a girl..
girl: what is this?
Boy: direct marketing.
*girl slaps the boy*
Boy:what is this?
Girl: customer feedback;-
*************
Admissions Open.
Zardari Institute Of Corruption & Management (ZICM)
Offers Degrees In,
MSc: (Masters in Social Crimes)
M.I.T: (Masters In Theft)
M.C.S: (Masters in Corruption Sciences)
*************
Management fundamental for success … :
If you don’t like
any rule , just follow it
reach the top and
then change the rule
*************
Personal Manager to New job applicant: “Why did your manager fire you?”
“Well a manager is the man who stands arround and watches others work, right? ” the young appicant replied.
“Yes, but why did he fire you?”
“He was jelous of me. A lot of workers thought i was the manager!”
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know.
*************
Husband to wife: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.
Husband: How does that help?
Wife: I use your toothbrush.
*************
There was a doctors that was really
anger, because I didn’t really let him
take a shot “I thought it was a gun shot
*************
Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers
for each rage leaves him less than he had been before
it takes something from him.
*************
Beautiful quote on anger:
“If u r right then there is no need to get angry” and “if u r wrong then u dont have any right to be angry”
*************
ANGER is an acid that does more harm to the vessel in which it is stored, that to anything on which it is poured.
*************
Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
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A manager is known by three measures:
The thickness of the carpet in his office.
The area of his desk.
The volume of his car’s engine.
*************
Personnel manager: “What made you leave your last job?”
Applicant: “Sickness.”
Personnel manager: “And what was the problem?”
Applicant: “My boss was sick of me!”
*************
Personal Manager to New job applicant: “Why did your manager fire you?”
“Well a manager is the man who stands arround and watches others work, right? ” the young appicant replied.
“Yes, but why did he fire you?”
“He was jelous of me. A lot of workers thought i was the manager!”
*************
Personnel Manager interviewing prospective employee: “Your application states you were at your last place for 25 years. Then what made you leave the place?”
Hoperful applicant: “I was forced to-they granted me parole!”
*************
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
*************
A little bird was flying South for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.
*************
From an investor,
on the markets :
This is Worse than
a Divorce,
I have Lost Half
of My net Worth…
…and I Still Have a Wife.!!!
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SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: You should at least send this mail to:
10 Malayalis and you will receive cokknut oil,
20 Malayalis and you will receive bennena chips,
40 Malayalis you will receive appams,
Send this to 100 Malayalis and you will get free land near the rice field behind the lungi factory with additional incentive of a whole month’s supply of cokknut oil and bennena chips free.
*************
Raju: “My name is Raju,
wen i was in delhi people call me Rajuji..”
wen i was in chennai people call me Raj..
wen i was in Andhra people call me Rajadu..
wen i was in mumbai people cal me raj bhai..
But
Wen i was in kerala,
the country fellows called
“daa rayappo.. kooii..”
bloody malayalees..
*************
Rajan P.Dev marichappol TVyil randumoonnu divasam adhehathinte Cinema, Murali marichappol adhehathinte Cinema..
Aa”Shakkeela” onnu marichirunnenkil…!
*************
FLASH NEWS ..! Trivandrum WOMENS COLLEGE bus marinj 25perku parik..!!
Bikil pokunna ‘enne’ kandu ellavarum valathu vashathek neengiyathanu apakadakaranam..
*************
Manthri prasangikkanethiyappol sadassil aarumilla. Kshubhithanaaya manthri bharavahiyodu: Njan meetingil pankedukkunna karyam ningal pathrathilonnum koduthirunnille?
Bharavaahi: sathyamaayum illa saar.. Pakshe aalukal enganeyo akkaryam manatharinjenna thonnunnathu!
*************
Thirumandanayirunnu james. Ayaal pattalathil chernnu. Ayaale train cheyyan kure kashtappettu. Oru divasam firinginayi thokku Jamesinu koduthu.
Athu thirichum marichum nokkiyittu james: Ithinte munvasam etha? Engottu thiricha vedi vakkendathu?
Trainer: Engottu thirichu vedi vachalum rajyathinu prayojanappedum!
*************
Cigarette valikkunna babuvinodu thengu kayattakkaran Gopalan: Sigarattinte valippam polumillatha nee ee cheruppathile sigarattu valikkunnoda?
Babu: Thenginte athra valippamundayittano chettan thengil kerunnathu?
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Pranayam oru mazhayanu
Akale peyyumbol kothiyakum
Arikil peyumbol kulirakum
Melle nanayumbol sukhamavum
Nananju kuthirnal veruppakum…
*************
Oru Penkuty Ninakoru Romantic msg ayachal
Avalk Ninne orupad ishtamanennu chinthikunnathinu
Pakaram Avalkaa msg aarayachu ennu chinthikuka!
*************
Pinnitta vazhikal enthum ayikkotte,
athiloode thirichu pokaruthu.
bcoz..
‘Aaa “pin” enganum kondu kaalu murinjalo!’.
*************
Oru karym Chothichotte?
allengil venda..
chothikkam alle?
chothikkatte?
Dracula Chappathi Thinnumo?
*************
Tintu Mon’u Teacher
Oru Message Aychu ‘i
miss you’.
Tintu Mon Kure Neram
Aalojichu. Ennitt
Thirichu Avan oru
Message Teacher’k
Ayachu
“I Student You”
*************
Friend: Tintoo.. Nee
Enthina Karayunnath?
Tintu Mon: Edaa Nhaan
kallu kudichath Avale
Marakkanaanu.
Friend: Aare?
Tintu Mon: Aare Ennu
Enikku Orma
Kittunnilla!
Athaa Nhaan
Karayunnath…
*************
Ramuvum damuvum mysore palace sandarsikkukayayirunnu. Ramu avide kanda oru kaserayil irunnu.
Appol ithukanda avidathe sookshippukaran: sir, dayavayi athil irikkaruthu. Athu tippu sulthantethanu
Ramu: Saaramilledo. Addeham varumpol njan eneetu kodutholam.
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Raju: “My name is Raju,
wen i was in delhi people call me Rajuji..”
wen i was in chennai people call me Raj..
wen i was in Andhra people call me Rajadu..
wen i was in mumbai people cal me raj bhai..
But
Wen i was in kerala,
the country fellows called
“daa rayappo.. kooii..”
bloody malayalees..
*************
Did U know the word “MALAYALAM” spelt back and forward is the same.
That is why we can’t figure out if they are coming or going.
*************
Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait?
He had a Mallu Baby Sitter who always used to Say “KEEP QUWAIT” “KEEP QUWAIT”
*************
What does a Malayalee do when he has to stand for the election in Delhi?
He changes his name Madhavan to M.A. DHAWAN.
What does a Malayalee do to stand for the elections in New York?
He changes his name Karunakaran to KEVIN CURREN.
*************
Why did the Malayalee buy an air-ticket?
To go to Dubai… ZIMBLY to meet his UNGLE and AUNDY in GELF.
What did the Malayalee do when the Plane caught Fire?
He JEMBED out of the VINDOW.
Why did he go to Rome?
TO hear POPE Music
*************
Who was Bruce Lee’s best friend in Malaysia?
Malaya LEE.
*************
How does a Malayalee spell the word ‘MOON’?
YUM – O another O YEN.
How does a Malayalee spell ‘Malayalam’?
YAMM – YAY – YELL – YAY – WHY – YAY – YELL – YAY – YUM.
*************
What do you call an Intelligent Mallu?
Pheno-MENON.
What d’you call Sexy looking Mallu?
Debo-NAIR .
What do you call a very rich Malayalee?
Million/Billion NAIR.
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What do you call a Maharashtrian tailor? Sadashiv.
*************
Which Maharashtrians wrote the book ‘Apartheid in South Africa?’ Dhaval Gore and Krishnakant Kale.
*************
An angry Bengali letter? Chitti-chitti Bong Bong
A talkative Bengali? Bulbul Chatterjee
An outlawed Bengali? Kanoon Banerjee
An enlightened Bengali? Jyoti Basu
A stupid Bengali girl? Balika Buddhu
A Bengali voyeur? Keyhollo
A mad Bengali? In Sen (insane)
A dark Bengali who lives in a cave? Kalidas Guha
A Bengali mobster? Robin Ganguli
A perfumed Bengali? Chandan Dass
A Bengali goldsmith? Shonar Bongla 1
*************
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class.
“In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.”
A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
*************
What did Bruce Lee say to the Maharashtrian? Tumhi Marathe, Aamhi Karate.
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DNS User: Hi, this is Rekha. I can’t get my CD out.
DNS Help Desk: Have you tried pushing the Button?
DNS User: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
DNS Help Desk: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
DNS User: No, wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry….
*************
DNS Help Desk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male DNS User: Hello… I can’t print.
DNS Help Desk: Would you click on “start” for me and…
DNS User: Listen yaar; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.
*************
DNS User: Hi, good afternoon, this is Gita, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’.
I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…
*************
DNS User: I can’t get on the Internet.
DNS Help Desk: Are you sure you used the right password?
DNS User: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
DNS Help Desk: Can you tell me what the password was?
DNS User: Five stars.
*************
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software; severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
*************
A customer and a UNIX consultant
Cust
what is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program ?
UNIX
yes, that’s correct.
Cust
no, what is it ?
UNIX
yes.
Cust
so, which is the one ?
UNIX
no.’which’ is used to find the program.
Cust
stop this. who are you ?
UNIX
use ‘who am i’ not ‘who r yoo’.you can also ‘finger yoo’ to get information about ‘yoo’.
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, “I spat in this beer, do not drink!”. After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, “So did I!”
*************
There’s this drunk standing out on the street corner, and a cop passes by, and says, “What do you think you’re doing?” The drunk says, “I heard the world goes around every 24 hours, and I’m waiting on my house. Won’t be long now, there goes my neighbor.”
*************
A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender “Hay , could I get a beer please”
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say “No, we don’t serve food here”
*************
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot.
Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot.
After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.
The bartender is curious and asks him,
“Every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket.
Why?”
The man replies, “I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home.”
*************
A drunk goes into a bar.
The bartender tosses him out as he is too drunk.
The drunk walks back into the bar.
Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk.
Again the drunk walks into the bar.
The bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says,
“How many bars do you own, anyway?”
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A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?” The guy says, “You would be drinking fast if you had what I had.” The bartender says, “What do you have?” The guy says, “75 cents.”
*************
A pony walks into a bar and says “Bartender, may I have a drink?”
Bartender says “What? I can’t hear you. Speak up!”
“May I please have a drink?”
“What? You have to speak up!”
“Could I please have a drink?”
“Now listen, if you don’t speak up I will not serve you.”
“I’m sorry, I’m just a little hoarse.”
*************
There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt. Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn’t move. So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said. “Not very strong tonight, are you Batman?”
*************
This fly goes into a bar one day, and orders a drink. The customer next to him looks at him and says to the bartender, “What’s with him?”
The bartender says, “Oh, he works in the restaurant down the street.”
The man asks the fly, “What line of work do you do?”
The fly sighs, “The waiters always put me in bowls of soup, and it’s tough on my health.”
*************
A hippopotamus walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. “That will be $7.50 please” says the bartender. So the hippo gives the bartender his money and starts to sip his beer. “You know we don’t very many hippos in here” mutters the bartender.
The hippo replies, “At these prices it’s no wonder!”
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One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.” So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: “That will be $36.50 please.” The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. “What, no drink for me?” replies the bartender. “Oh, no. You get violent when you drink.”
*************
A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.
As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him.
The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman.”
*************
The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, “What do you have in there, pal?”
“A mongoose.”
“What for?”
“Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I’m scared to death of snakes. That’s why I got this mongoose, for protection.”
“But,” the friend said, “you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes.”
“That’s okay,” said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, “So is the mongoose.”
*************
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?” The guy says, “You would be drinking fast if you had what I had.” The bartender says, “What do you have?” The guy says, “75 cents.”
*************
A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. The man walks up to the counter, and says to the bartender, “I bet you $1,000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away, and not get any outside the glass.”
The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his $1,000, so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn’t even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, “Well, I guess you owe me $1,000, huh?”
The man answers, “Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar.”
*************
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. “I’ll bet you $10 he’ll jump,” said the first guy. “Bet you $10 he won’t,” said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.
“I can’t take your money,” said the first guy. “I cheated you. The same story was on the five o’clock news.” “No, no. Take it,” said the second guy. “I saw the five o’clock news too. I just didn’t think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!”
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MAji,ye abi tak nhi aye, kahi kisi ladki k sath?
Sas:kalmuhi,tu hmesha ulta q sochti he?
Aisa b to ho skta he ki kisi truck k niche AAgya ho
*************
I know you think I am cute,
I know you think I am fine,
But like the other guys,
Take a number and wait in line.
*************
HARD-DISK woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
INTERNET woman:
Difficult to access.
SERVER woman:
Always busy when you need her.
CD-ROM woman:
She is always faster and faster.
EMAIL woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS woman:
Also called “wife”; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don’t try to uninstall her you will lose everything…………
*************
Jeeto: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
Preeto: Because those men already have boyfriends.
*************
Q: Why were hurricanes normally named after women?
A: Because when they come, they’re wild and wet.
But when they go, they take your house and car with them.
*************
Thought i’d remind u today just incase it slipped out ur mind!Happy Women’s Day!
*************
Girls’ Language : Stupid (U R Smart) Idiot (U R Luking Cute) Shut Up (I Love U) I’ll Kill U (I’ll Die 4 U) Good Night (Everyone Is Slept U Can Call Me Now …) Frwrd Girls To Laugh N Boys To Understand …
*************
A Girl Is Much More Than She Seems Not A Toy By Any Means. Underneath That Make-Up And Hair There’s A Sign That Says: Handle With Care.
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If you don’t understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.
*************
Having a sister is like having a best friend you can’t get rid of. You know whatever you do, they’ll still be there.
*************
Big brother: That planet up there is Mars.
Little sister: Then that other one must be Pa’s.
*************
Aati Thi Jaathi Thi
Hansti Thi, hansati thi
Bhagati Thi, Bhagaati Thi
Bolti Thi, Bulwati Thi
Per aaj pata chala ki
vah mujhe BHAI DOOJ WISH karna chahati thi
*************
Peter: My brother wants to work badly!Anita: As I remember, he usually does !
*************
First Boy: Why is your brother always flying off the handle ?
Second Boy: Because he’s got a screw loose
*************
A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. Well, said the Scout. Mum had only one dose of castor oil left, so I let my baby brother have it.
*************
Little Brother: I’m going to buy a sea horse. Big Brother: Why? Little Brother: Because I want to play water polo!
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A man dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates.
St. Peter says, “Here’s how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you’ve done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in.”
“Okay” the man says, “I attended church every Sunday”
“That’s good, says St. Peter, ” that’s worth two points”
“Two points?” he says. “Well, I gave 10% of all my earnings to the church”
“Well, let’s see,” answers Peter, “that’s worth another 2 points. Did you do anything else?”
“Two points? Golly. How about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans.”
“Fantastic, that’s certainly worth a point, ” he says.
“hmmm…,” the man says, “I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart.”
“That’s wonderful,” says St. Peter, “that’s worth three points!”
“THREE POINTS!!” the man cries, “At this rate the only way I get into heaven is by the grace of God!”
“Come on in!”
*************
Going over our church finances I found a receipt from a local paint store signed by someone named Christian. I wasn’t aware of anyone buying paint, so I called the store to point out its mistake.
“I’m sorry,” I told the manager, “but there are no Christians here at First Baptist Church.”
*************
It was Palm Sunday but because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds. Johnny asked them what they were for.
“People held them over Jesus’ head as he walked by,” his father told him.
“Wouldn’t you know it,” Johnny fumed, “the one Sunday I don’t go and he shows up.”
*************
A man is laying on his death bed. He wants to take all his possessions with him. So he tells his wife and relatives to place all his possessions on the roof, telling them he would grab them on the way to heaven. The man dies. A few days later his wife and relatives see that his possessions are still on the roof. “I knew we should have put his stuff in the basement.” says his wife.
*************
What did Noah use to see the animals in the ark at night?
FLOOD lights!!!!!!!
*************
A mother went to wake her son for church one Sunday morning. When she knocked on his door, he said, “I’m not going!”
“Why not?” asked his mother.
“I’ll give you two good reasons,” he said. “One, they don’t like me. Two, I don’t like them.”
His mother replied, “I’ll give you two good reasons why YOU WILL go to church. One, you’re 47 years old. Two, you’re the pastor!”
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The real value of infinity is known when
we open the 1st page of our text book on the night
before exam see the no. of pages to be read !!
*************
In Life,
Future is a Question Paper,
Past is a News Paper
&
Present is an Answer Sheet.!
So, Read, Learn
&
Write Carefully
*************
Exams are like Girl friends
- Too many questions
- Difficult to understand
- More explanation is needed
- Result is always fail!
*************
To accomplish great things,
We must not only act,
But also dream,
Not only plan but also believe,
Best wishes for your exam
*************
Behind every successful student,
there is one Girlfriend
But what about a failed student..??
?
?
?
?
?
?
*************
Newton’s Law of Studentology! .
“Every Book continues to be in
it’s State of Rest or covered with Dust,
until n unless a mid-term or
final exam Appears.”
HaPpY ExaMz
*************
Pre-Engineering wale marty nahi,
zinda dafnay jate hain
.
.
her ek paper mein buri tarha tarpai jate hain
.
.
koi khol k tu dekhte kafan ko un k
.
.
Qabar mein bhi 5 yearz solve karte pai jate hain
*************
Atif Aslam Live In An Exam
Kuch Is Tarah…
Teri Copy, Meri Copy Se Miladay,
Answer Teray…Saaray Mujhay Paper Pe Chapa Day,
Tu Her Ghari Her Waqt Sir K Sath Raha Hai,
Han Yeh Jism Bloody Fool Abhi Kaanp Raha Hai,
Jo Solution Hain Ye Teray…Unhain Tu Mera Pata Dey!
Kuch Is tarhan Tera Paper Mere Paper se Milade
*************
A father asks peon: How are the studies in this college?
Where do I see my son in future?
Peon: The future is bright, I had also completed my engineering from the same college
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Our lives are always so hectic wid little time to spare, but days get brighter wen u get an SMS from some 1 saying “Stupid I Still Care”….!
*************
A little tune can make you sing,
A little hug can make you feel better
Some little things can make you happy.
I hope that my little disturbance will make you smile.
*************
Y do i txt u?
It’s my choice.
It’s my way f saying i rmmbr u.
Y do i rmmbr u?
It’s my choice.
It proves dat i care.
Y do i care?
Dnt knw.
It’s not my choice.
It’s my heart’s.
*************
Let the most beautiful
dream come to u tonight,
Let the sweetest person
come in ur dream tonight….
But dont make it a habit
bcoz I m not free every night
*************
Msg:Loving N Caring
Contacts:Very Talkative N Bold
Gallary:Romantic N Deep Thinker
Media:Social N Fashionable
Apps:Boring N Selfish
Setting:Kanjus N Irritating
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A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”
“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”
“But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding… He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”
“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”
*************
Police Wala Apne Bache Se: Beta Tumhara Result Acha Nahi Aya Aj Se Tumhara Khelna T.V Dekhna Band. Bacha: Ye 50 Rs Pakro Or Is Bat Ko Yahien Daba Do. Ha…
*************
Main Ne Jo Apni Girl Friend Ko Kaha
Kay PARDAY Mein Raha Karo Jaan.
Us Ne Police Ko Keh Diya
My Boy Friend Iz Taalibaan.
*************
Charsi Qabristan Me Churs P Rha Tha. Police: Kya Kr Rhe Ho ? Chrsi: Abu K Lia Dua. Police: Ye To Bache Ki Qabr Hy. Chrsi: Abu Bachpan Me Hi Mrgye..
*************
Police:
Tumhe Kal Subah 5 Baje Phansi Di Jayegi
Sardar:
Ha Ha Ha!!
Police:
Kyon Hans Rahe Ho?
Sardar:
Main To Subah 8 Baje Uthta Hun!
*************
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”
The woman answered “Well, I have contacts.”
The policeman replied “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”
*************
“When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.”
“You’re wrong, officer, it’s only my hat that makes me look that old.”
*************
A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate. “I’ve got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?”
“I should let you know first that I am a policeman.”
“That’s OK. I’ll tell it really slow!”
*************
A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident – body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: “Head on bullevard” and scratch’s out his spelling error. “Head on bouelevard” Nope, doesn’t look right – scratch scratch. “Head on boolevard…” dang it! Scratch scratch. He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. “Head on curb.”
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Your mama’s so poor, when I walked in and asked “Whats for Dinner?” She pulled out a shotgun and said “Next person that moves!”
*************
Your momma’s so dumb the computer said press any key to continue and she was looking for the any key
*************
Your momma’s so dumb she heard someone say it was chilli outside so she ran and grabbed a bowl
*************
Your mama is so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
*************
Your mama is so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago..
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
ravi:it is so wrong that i said to the doctor that i am a tailor
somu:why what happened?
ravi:after the operation he said me to put stiches
*************
intersting cricketer’s names
mahendra singh 2ni
100rav ganguly
sachin 10dulkar
vvs 1,00,000man
mun1/2 patel!!!!!
*************
It takes patience to keep a nagging wife; fortune to keep an ambitious wife; four eyes to keep a pretty wife.
*************
Gud Morning! Aap ye soch rahe honge ki Raat ko Gud Morning kaise? Simple! Phone mera, Paise mere, Msg mera, toh marzi bhi meri! Jo marzi aayega wo bhejunga.
*************
Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you
is a maniac?
*************
Did u feel da taste of ginger?
No?
Sure?
Well…..
BANDAR KYA JAANE ADRAK KA SWAAD!!
*************
When I was born
Devil said…Oh Shit!!!
Another GOOD PERSON!!!..
&
When u were born devil said …
Oh Shit!!!!Competition…!!! ….
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: On the back she saw “911? and thought it was a Porsche.
*************
One day two blondes walk into a perfume shop. The one blonde picks up a bottle of perfume that is titled “Viens Chez Moi.”
The blonde asks the manager what it means, and the manager says it means, “Come to Me.”
So the blonde smells the perfume and asks her friend, “Does this smell like come to you? Because it doesn’t smell like come to me.”
*************
There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you’re doing? It’s things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I’d come out there and kick you!”
*************
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don’t have to retrain them on Monday.
*************
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don’t. They’re born that way.
*************
Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her months to figure out she could use it at night
*************
Two blondes were driving to Tokyo Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, “Tokyo Disneyland Left”, so they turned around and went home
*************
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
*************
Q: Why do blondes love lightning?
A: They think somebody is taking their photo.
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Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don’t know, they haven’t taught us how to read yet!
*************
Teacher: Class, we will have only half days school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon
*************
Student
: The brain is a wonder full thing
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working
the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
*************
Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home
Student: I can’t, I live just round the corner!
*************
Teacher: Shamu, go to the map and find North America.
Shamu: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, Ramu, who discovered America?
Ramu: Shamu!
*************
Teacher: Ramu, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did u copy his?
Ramu: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!
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teacher ask a Q—– Who was the first Indian woman to fly abroad.
kid’s say’s unaware ——-Sita went to Lanka.
*************
After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car. “What’s the matter Johnny?” asked his concerned mother. Johnny replied: “that man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home…I just want her to stay with you guys.”
*************
Mother : ‘What are you writing Ram?’
Ram : ‘I’m writing a Letter to Baby Sham’
Mother : ‘But you don’t know to write!’
Ram : ‘So What?, Anyway Sham don’t know to read, That’s why’.
*************
A woman was at the beach with her children when her four-year-old son ran up, grabbed her hand and led her to the shore
where a sea gull lay dead in the sand. ‘Mommy, what happened to him?’ the boy asked. ‘He died and went to heaven,’
she replied. The boy thought for a moment and then said, ‘And God threw him back down?’
*************
One summer evening a young son came in while his parents were setting the table for supper. Quite surprisingly, he asked if he could help.
His mother said, ‘No, but I appreciate your asking.’
The child responded, ‘Well, I appreciate your saying no.’
*************
A little girl got on her grandpa’s lap and said, ‘Did God make me?’
‘Yes,’ the grandpa replied.
‘Did God make you too?’
‘Yes,’ the grandpa said.
‘Well,’ the little girl said, while running her fingers down his wrinkles and looking at his thinning hair, ‘He sure is doing a better job nowadays!’
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Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Kids: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Kids: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai (& jumps into a well.)
Kids: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi?
*************
ek bachcha apni maa se pitne ke baad ghar ke bahar baitha tha,
Papa ne puchha to bacha bola, Papa tumhari biwi ke saath ab mera guzara nahi ho sakta hai
Mujhe meri biwi chahiye
*************
frist kids;
Tum”Aaine Me Ankhen Band
Karke
Kya Dekh Rahe Ho_?
second kids;
Mai Ye”Dekhna Chahta Hu Ki
> Mai
Sote Hue”KaiSa Lagata_Hu_?”
*************
Beta : 500 Rs Do na.
Papa : Kya Karega ?
Beta : Mere Sare Friends Ka A/C Hai,
Mai Bhi Khulwaunga.
Papa : Very Good. Kaha Pe ?
Beta : Cigrate Ki Dukan Par.
*************
Kid- Dr. mujhe aisa Lagta he ki mere kaan me koi gunguna raha he..
Dr- Tumhe aisa kab lagta he..?
Kid- Jab mai kaan me walkman sunta hu…
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Kid (phone par): Madam, mera beta aaj school nahi aaygea?
Madam: Aap kon bol rahe ho?
Funny Kid: Mere papa bol rahe hain.
*************
kids ka ek sawal—- Ik aadmi ki 6 fingers thi.
Log usko Santa kehte the…
batao kyon?
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Kyonki uska naam Santa tha.
*************
Ek 10 saal ka kid bohot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: “Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare”.
Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.
Funny Kid: Mein yeh dekhna chahta hun ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.
*************
teacher ask a Q—– Who was the first Indian woman to fly abroad.
kid’s say’s una
ware ——-Sita went to Lanka.
*************
Napoleon: There is no such word as ‘Impossible’ in my dictionary.
Funny Kids: Tum ne dictionary dekh ke nahi kharidi thi na…!
*************
In a football match.
Kids: Ye log ball ko pair kyun maar rahe ne?
Sardar Ji: Goal kare he liye.
Kids: Par ball to pehlan hi gol hai, aur kitni gol karengey ?
*************
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Kids: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Kids: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai (& jumps into a well.)
Kids: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi?
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Q. Why did the silly kid stand on his head?
A. His feet were tired!
*************
Ek kids dusre kids se: “Kya, tumne jhoot pakarne wali machine dekhi hai?
Doosra kids: Deki nahi mere ghar mein hai! Are mere papa kahate he unhone usse shadi ki hai.”
*************
Banega Crorepati Mein ak kids se sawal pucha:
Q: What is you father name?
kids: Plz Options?
A. Dilawar
B. Changez
C. Feroz
D. Sultan
*************
Ek bar ek bachcha samosa ke bich ke aalu ko kha raha tha aur bahar ke hisse ko phek raha tha.
Dushra bachche ne usse poochta hai ke tum samose ke sirf aalu ko kyun kha rahe hoo?
Pehla: Doctor ne mujhe bahar ke chejo ko khane se mana kiya hai.
*************
Kid (phone par): Madam, mera beta aaj school nahi aaygea?
Madam: Aap kon bol rahe ho?
Funny Kid: Mere papa bol rahe hain.
*************
ek bachcha apni maa se pitne ke baad ghar ke bahar baitha tha,
Papa ne puchha to bacha bola, Papa tumhari biwi ke saath ab mera guzara nahi ho sakta hai
Mujhe meri biwi chahiye
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A student asked a teacher (while collecting homeworks):
Student: is teacher earning money ?
Teacher: Yes, of course!
Student: geeeez! We do the hard work and the teacher gets the money ?!
*************
Teacher to a student (who was late for a class at a boys school): Why are you late again ?!
Little boy answered: It was because a sign down the road sir.
Teacher asked: What has a sign got to do with your late?!!!
Little boy replied: The sign said school ahead go very slow
*************
Kbbi Sochta Ho Aj Parho Ga
Kbhi Sochta Hn Kal Parho Ga
Phr Sochta Ho Jb Exam Aengy Tb Parho Ga
Aur
Jb Exam Aaty Han To Khta Hun
Ab Kya khak Parhon Ga..
*************
Mountain Dew Peene Se Urr Jata Hai Fear
Waah ! Waah !
Mountain Dew Peene Se Ur Jata Hai Fear
.
.
.
Exams Are Near And Our Basic Concepts Are Not Clear
*************
Ek hi colour ka dress pehn kr hum sb lgte they kitne ache
School lgta tha poultry farm
Aur hum sb murghi k bachay
Mjhko smjh na aya aj tak teacher ka ye funda..
Humein bana deti thi murgha or khud copy pe deti thi anda..
*************
Teacher: Ohm’s law sunao.
student: Pura tu nae aata bs akhir se aata hai. . .
Teacher: Chalo shabash woe suna do.
Student: “That is called Ohm’s Law” :
*************
Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, Potatos cost 3/- kg, What is my age?
Student: 32 years
Teacher: How Do you Know?
Student: My Sister is 16 years old and she is half mad???
*************
Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly,
do you say prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don’t have to,
my Mom is a good cook.
*************
Height Of Attitude
Teacher: Why R U Talking During My Lesson?
Student: Why R U Teaching During My Conversation..!!
Panga Iz N0t Changa Wid Da Students
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The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”
“And did he?”
“Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.”
*************
A woman, calling Mount Sinai Hospital, said, “Hello, I want to know if a patient is getting better.”
The voice on the other end of the line said, “What is the patient’s name and room number?”
She said, “Yes, darling! She’s Sarah Finkel, in Room 302.”
He said, “Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she’s had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she’s going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday.”
The woman said, “Thank God! That’s wonderful! Oh! That’s fantastic! That’s wonderful news!”
The man on the phone said, “From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a close family member or a very close friend!”
She said, “I’m Sarah Finkel in 302! Cohen, my doctor, doesn’t tell me a word!”
*************
An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death’s door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep walking him.
After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and we had been lucky to get him in time. “But doctor, you don’t understand,” they said, “Dad hasn’t walked in over a year!”
*************
A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: “Hey look, I’m a vet — I don’t need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what’s wrong just by looking. Why can’t you?”
The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, “There you are. Of course, if that doesn’t work, we’ll have to have you put down.”
*************
A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him “How are you feeling?” The man replies “Not BAAAAD!”
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The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: “I’m afraid we’re going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.”
“Well, if it’s just because of them, I’d rather pay for them if you just leave me alone.”
*************
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That’s terrible! WHAT could be WORSE? What’s the very bad news?
Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
*************
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
“Where are you hurting?” asked the doctor.
“You have to help me, I hurt all over”, said the woman.
“What do you mean, all over?” asked the doctor, “be a little more specific.”
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Owe, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.” Then she touched her right earlobe, “Ouch, even THAT hurts”, she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis; “You have a broken finger.”
*************
Patient to the eye doctor: “Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain.”
Doctor:”Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before drinking.”
*************
Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor: Didn’t the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.
*************
“Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade.”
“Don’t panic, I’m coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?”
“Yea, I shaved with the electric razor.”
*************
“Doctor, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia? I’ve heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus.”
“Don’t worry, it won’t happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia.”
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Teri maa di,
Teri phen di,
Tere Pyo di,
Tere chachi di,
Tere Poore Khandaan di,
Tey meri vi,
Tuu Jaan hain..
*************
++Read in++ Punjabi- Dil v 13, 80 v tere. Hor 10, ki haal ae 13? Yara dosta 9, aenj nai 27 da. Ok g, ijazat 2. 32 Bujhao, te 100 Jao.
*************
Ek waari ek baba bus wich ek kuri nu jappi pa lenda h..
Kuri kehendi h wat r u doing..?
Baba kehnda h “kismat de naal milda kamliye pyaar buzurga da..’
*************
If you are in ‘LOVE’ Press-Down
Thehar ja.
Teri ammi nu dassaa..!!
Barri pyaar di agg laggi ae…….
*************
yaar ruse tab rub russe,
yaar phir russe tho phir main mar jawa,
je yaar phir russe te,
chittar maro salle da roz da ehi drama hai
*************
Husband : suit bara sohna paya ay
Wife : thx g
Husband : lipstick bhi sohni lagai ay
Wife : thx g
Husband : Makeup vi sohna kitta ay
Wife : thx g
Husband : sohni fir vi nahi lagdi
*************
1 Var Ymraj Miss Pooja Nu lain aya. Miss Puja Kehndi Main ni Aauna, Yamraj Kehnda Kyo? Miss Pooja Kehndi Ve Main ni Aauna je na aya lain SAFARI te……
*************
History teacher asked Sardar: Name kalidas’s brother who was a shoemaker.
Sardar: Adidas
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JOKES.
A Bihari rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his motorcycle had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
“Which one of you guys stole my motorcycle?!” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
“Alright, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my motorcycle ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Patna! And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in Patna!”
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his motorcycle has been returned …
He started his motorcycle and was about to leave. The bartender yanked out of the bar and asked, “Arey bhai, before you go… What happened in Patna?”
The Bihari turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”
*************
A Bihari went to New Delhi for the first time in his life. He went there during the time of Asiad and was zapped to see all these new stadiums, newly constructed roads, flyovers etc etc. The poor fellow hadn’t seen all this ever before. So when he came back to Aligarh people asked him as to how did he likeDelhi, he was too excited and said : yaar delhi to buhat top ka laga, pura delhi chamak chamak raha tha, sab kuch jagmaga raha tha, sab shine maar raha tha lekin yaar ek cheez hum understand nahin kar paye, yeh itta barka barka speed breaker kahe ko bana diya hai (he couldn’t figure out what is a flyover)
*************
Bihar Engineering College Entrance Exam Instructions..
2) Answer all questions.
3) Time Limit 3 weeks.
4) Begin immediately.
*************
A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop.
Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke.
Now, the Bihari thinks he’s in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to ‘sardars’ in his joke with ‘Biharis’.
He starts the jokes with, “There was once a Bihari…” And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, “Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?
*************
A Bihari after coming back from a three hour long class says:
Saala pura body headache maar raha hai
*************
A Bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets,Do tho
ticket dena, the person at the window tells him that there is a house
full, so this Bihari says koi baat nahin do house full de do.
*************
A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked for one Wills: Bhai ek
Will dena, so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is
no brand by the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted
and said I want one Will, so the person told him unless you say it
correctly i.e Wills I won’t sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad
and said “Hum ek hi to maang rahen hain pura packet to nahin maang
rahen hain”.
*************
Two Biharis
talking to each other, “Aaj Mother teresa aa rahen hai Kennedy
Auditorium mein saam ko aap chalenge na , hum aap ko 5.30 p.m sharp
pe lene aienge, so this fellow didn’t know who is Mother Teresa and
replied back,” nahin bhai aap hi chale jaiye hum Englis film nahin
dekhte hain.
*************
There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets, so when
the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and
so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets , this fellow
answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them, so the
T.T.E said what if you lose both of them, so this guy said then why
do I have a monthly pass.
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A Bihari after coming back from a three hour long class says:
Saala pura body headache maar raha hai
*************
A Bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets,Do tho
ticket dena, the person at the window tells him that there is a house
full, so this Bihari says koi baat nahin do house full de do
*************
A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop.
Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke.
Now, the Bihari thinks he’s in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to ‘sardars’ in his joke with ‘Biharis’.
He starts the jokes with, “There was once a Bihari…” And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, “Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?
*************
A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked for one Wills: Bhai ek
Will dena, so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is
no brand by the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted
and said I want one Will, so the person told him unless you say it
correctly i.e Wills I won’t sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad
and said “Hum ek hi to maang rahen hain pura packet to nahin maang
rahen hain”.
*************
A Bihari after coming back from a three hour long class says:
Saala pura body headache maar raha hai
*************
There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets, so when
the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and
so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets , this fellow
answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them, so the
T.T.E said what if you lose both of them, so this guy said then why
do I have a monthly pass.
*************
Two Biharis
talking to each other, “Aaj Mother teresa aa rahen hai Kennedy
Auditorium mein saam ko aap chalenge na , hum aap ko 5.30 p.m sharp
pe lene aienge, so this fellow didn’t know who is Mother Teresa and
replied back,” nahin bhai aap hi chale jaiye hum Englis film nahin
dekhte hain.
*************
Question: Why are residents of Jharkhand happy?
Answer: Because, from now onwards they won’t be called Biharis…
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Wife:”Tum Mujh Se Kitna Pyar Karte Ho?”
Husband:”Shahjahan Jitna.”
Wife:”Mere Marnay Ke Baad TAJ MAHAL Banao Gay?”
Husband:”Main Nein To Plot Bhi Le Liya Hai,DELAY To Tum Kar Rahi Ho!!!”
*************
Sardar : goes to police station and complains to police… Koi mujhe phone pe dhamkatha hai.
Police : kon phone karke dhamkatha hai.
Sardar :Airtel wale bolthe hai Bill nahi bhara tho “KAAT DENGE
*************
EK CHOTA SARDAR APNI PRAGNANT MUMMY SE POCHTA HAIN K IS MEIN KIYA HAIN,, MUMMY BOLTI HAIN,IS
MEIN PYARA BABY HAIN,SARDAR,PIYARA THAA To AP KHAAA Q GAEY,
*************
2 Ghadhe{donky}apas main bateen kar rahe thay.1st yar mera malik bohat zalim hay.bohat marta hay kaam
b zyada leta hay.2ndto tum bhag jao na is ko chood ke.1st yar bhag to jaon per ik waja se ruka hoon.mera
malik jab b apni BETI se ladayi karta hay na.to us ko ye kehta hy ke beti tum sudher jao warna main ney teri
shadi GADHE se kar deni hay..
*************
Boy:Tote hue dil se pyar karogi ya dil tutne tak pyar karogi???(
Girl:Tuti hui chapal se pite ga ya chapal tutne tak pitey ga??
*************
Survey Subject:In how many days a 1000 pgs book cn b read.(
Writer-6months, Doctor-2mnths, Lawyer-1month, STUDENT-ON THE NIGHT B4 THE EXAM.
*************
A sardarji Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse.He writes a love letter to the Nurse :- I Love U sister
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Anath Ashram Manager to Bania:
Sethji, aap hamare anath ashram ke liye kya kar sakte ho ?
Funny Bania: Mein anath ashram mein apne 4 bachhe bhej sakta hu.
*************
Teacher: Agar dharti pe pani na hota to kya hona tha.
Bania ka beta: Hum to kangaal ho jate. Mera bapu milk me kya milata?
*************
Train mein ik mosquito Funny Chinese ke sir pe aa baitha. Vo us ko pakar ke kha gaya.
Fir ik matchar Bania pe baitha. Us ne pakar ke Chinese ko poocha “khareedoge kya
*************
Bania’s Son: Papaji bahar Swimming pool k liye chanda mang rahe he..
Kanjoos Bania: Koi baat nahi Beta, Ek lota paani de de.
*************
Teacher: Tumhare papa 500 rupees loan lete hain. 10% interest ke hisab se voh 1 saal bad loan vapis karte hain. Batao kitne paise vapis karenge?
Bania’s son: Kutch bhi nahi.
Teacher: Tum maths nahi jante.
Bania’s funny son: Me to maths janta hu, par aap mere papa ko nahi jante.
*************
Bania’s son: Daddy meri dur ki nazar kharab hai SPECKS banva do.
Kanjoos Bania took him outside & said: Voh dekh kya hai?
Son: Suraj
Kanjoos Bania: Abbe ullu ke patthe, aur kitni dur tak dekhna chahe hai tu.
*************
Sardar to Bania friend: Main apna purse
ghar bhool aaya, mujhe 1000 Rs chahiye.
Funny Kanjoos Bania: Dost hi to dost ke kam aata hai. Yeh lo Rs.10 . Riksha karle ghar jao aur apna purse le aao
*************
Baniya on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, I’m here
My sons daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Baniya:To phir brabar wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay ?
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Ek Haryanvi apni khoobsurat bivi k saath car mein baith ke honeymoon pe ja raha tha.
Driver ne sheesha set kiya.
Haryanvi gusse mein bola: Meri bivi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaunga!
*************
Ik Haryanvi Police Inspector ke ghar chori ho rahi thi.
Wife: Utho ji, ghar me chori ho rahi hai.
Police Inspector: Mujhe sone de, main is time duty par nahi hun.
*************
Ik Haryanvi Tau thand lagne se kamp raha tha. Uska chhore ne doctor ko phone kiya.
Doctor: Kya hua?
Funny Haryanvi Chhora: Bimari ka to pata nahin par bapu subha se vibration mode pe laga hai.
*************
Ek Haryanvi girl ped pe chadi. Upar baithey Monkey ne poocha: Upar kyon aayi ho?
Ek Haryanvi: Apple khane.
Monkey: Par, yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Ek Haryanvig grill: Pata hai, Apple saath laayi hoon.
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1 chora raste me jandi hoyi chori te bhujan lagya,
tu mne jane hai?
Chori:na,kun hai tu?
Chora: me oye hun, jo tne 2 din pehlan bhi nhi pichana tha.
*************
Lugai: Tu mne kitna chave hai?
Appu:Shahjahan jitna.
Lugai:fer tu maran pache Taj Mahal banvavega?
Appu:Haan mne Plot toh le rakhya hai,
bus tere maran ki bat dekhun hun.
*************
Nurse:mubarak ho thare ghar chora hoya h.
Appu: k technology aa gi,
lugai meri hospital me ar chor ghar me.
*************
Babu:beta apne birthday pe k gift lvega?
Chora: Babu jada nhi bus 1 radio
.
.
.
.
.
car me band ho.
*************
Appu: aachi khabar h, ar bhundi.
Pappu:k?
Appu: Achi ya k meri lugai ka accident ho gya,
ar bhundi ya k wa bach gi.
*************
Appu:o bhai mne dekhya k meri lugai kise ,
or gel film dekhan jave thi.
Pappu:fer tne unka picha kara k?
Appu:na mne wa film pehla e dekh rakhi thi.
*************
Master:kunsi book thamne jyada madad kare h?
Appu :Mere babu ki Cheque book.
*************
Master:balko btao bijli kit te ave hai,
Appu:MAMA ke ghar te.
Master:kukar?
Appu: jib bhi bijli jave hai,
mera babu kahve h, salya ne fer kat di.
*************
Appu:chori fasani ave hai?
Pappu:na?
Appu: ek kagaj ka jahaj bna,
jib master ave toh usne class me uda diye,
Master bhuje toh us chori ka nam le diye,
fas gi chori
*************
Dada:pote ja ander te mere dand liya.
Pota:dada ibe roti bni koni.
Dada:aare pote roti kisne khani hai,
semi ali budhi te smile deni hai.
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Ek tau bus conductor se boojhan lagya, “Re bhai manne Rohtak jana, ya bus kitt jaegi?”
O bolya, “Dilli jagi”.
Tau pher bolya, “Per is board pe to Rohtak likh rakhya se.”
Conductor bolya, “Tau nu kar, tu isse board pe baeth ke bug ja pher.”
*************
Ek jat doosre jat sey,
“Arre tanney bera ke Hanuman bhi jat tha?”
Doosra bolya, ” Tanne kyunkar bera patya?”
Pehley alla bolya,
“Lugai to ram ki kho gayi thi aur aag Hanuman ne apni poonch mein lagwa li! Jat ke bagair aur koi issa kam kar sakk hai?”
*************
Ek shehri babu ek gaon ke mollad se rasta bujhan lagya.
Mollad bolya, “Nu kar tu yahan te khabhe ne ho liye aur aage jakke sajje ne.”
Babu bolya, “Bhai sahab mein ap se aap aap karkey baat kar raha hun aur aap mujjey tu tu bool rahey ho.
Mollad bollya, “Pher ke tanne bapu bolun?”
*************
Ek bhai saadi te bahut dara kare thaa. Ek bai gaam mein thanedar aaga us din us bhai ki bhans kise ki juwar kha gi. Ghana ulahana aa ya. To uske ghar wale bole, “Thanedar sahab isne dara ke ne saadi tahi tyar kara do yo saadi te bahut dare se.”
Thanedar ne us bhai ko dara dhamka ke bola, “Teri yehi saza hai ke tere ko saadi karni padegi.”
Bhai usne darte ne saadi ki haan kar li. Saadi mein jab dulhan ko uske paas laya gaya to wo bola, “E bebe teri bhans ne bhi kise ki juwar kha li thee ke?
*************
teacher: kaal kyo koni aayo re… (you were absent yesterday)
student: kutio khaygio… (dog bite me.)
teacher: dikha. (to legs)
student: dekho… (please)
teacher: ghaav ro koi nisan to koni.. (there is no hack in legs)
student: kutio “BOKLHO” ho. (dog has no teeths)
*************
Mr. Potta or uski wife pahli bar India aye. Itifak se unhe guide bhi Mila Jamla Jatt.
Agra ki galiyo mai ghumte ghumte, Mr. Potta ko ek bhains najar ayi. Mr. Potta ek dam
herani se puchhne lage, what is this?
Jamla jatt: This is Bhains.
Mr. Potta : Bhains………! Never seen, never heard.
Jamla jatt : Oh! I…I….samjhau….., (Mrs. Potta ki taraf ishara karke) See this is
Potte ke wife, and that is Jhotte ki wife.
*************
One haryanvi jatt order chicken in hotel……when cook start cutting onion 4 this……….
jatt said:-pyaz mat dalna navratre chal rahe hain…….
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Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse.
Take one of these every 4 laps!
Doctor, doctor my sister here keeps thinking she’s invisible!
What sister?
*************
Doctor, Doctor I’m on a diet and it’s making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off.
Oh dear, that’s a lot of calories!
*************
kids Patient:
It Must Be Tough Spending All Day
With Your Hands In Someone’s Mouth.
Dentist:
I Just Think Of It
As Having My Hands In Their Wallet.
*************
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
*************
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
tuba.
tuba who?
tuba toothpaste.
*************
The Dentist To The Little Kid …
”What Kind Of Filling Would You Like For Your Tooth ? ”
”Choclate, Please,”…
Kid Replies Innocently..
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A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth. Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do? Dentist: Wear a brown tie!
*************
I came in to make an appointment with the dentist. said the man to the receptionist. “I m sorry sir.” she replied. “He’s out right now, but…” “Thank you,” interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. “When will he be out again ?
*************
Patient: “It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone’s mouth.” Dentist: “I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.
*************
A Doctor asks his patient, “Do you like to drink, smoke, and play around with women?”
“Yes,” replies the patient.
“You should abstain.” Says the Doc. “And do you like eat steak chips?”
“Yes,” says the patient.
“You should cut back and only do it with moderation,” says the doc.
“If I do all that will I live longer?” asks the patient.
“Nope,” replies the doc “but it’ll seem a lot longer.”
*************
What does the dentist of the year get?…A little plaque.
*************
Why did the dentist make a poor date with the manicurist? Because they fought both tooth and nail!
*************
How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to administer the anaesthetic, one to extract the light bulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash.
*************
Monster: Doctor, doctor, I m a blood-sucking monster and I keep needing to eat doctors. Doctor: Oh what a shame. I m a dentist.
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A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. “I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want Novocaine because I’m in a big hurry,” the woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.” The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?” The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.”
*************
Patient: “It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone’s mouth.”
Dentist: “I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.”
*************
If Dentists Make Films,
The Names Will Be.
*Daant Ho Na Ho
*Jaanam Brush Karo
*Aa ab Clean Karen
*Kabhi Teeth Kabhi Gum
*Humara Daant Aapke Paas Hai! :-
*************
First Friend: Do you know how does a dentist swear in coart?
Second Friend: How could I know? I am not a dentist.
First Friend: “The tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth!!
*************
ChiLd 2 Dentist Doctor..
Kya Dard K Bgair B Daant Nikalay ja sAktay Hain?
Dentist:Nahi
ChiLd: Agr Me NikaL doOn?
Dentist: NikaLo.
ChILd: He he he he
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Research ke mutabiq larkian larkon se zyada mehnati hoti hai
Aapko pata hai kaise??
-
-
-
-
-
Nahi pata
-
-
Main bata deta hoon aapko
-
-
-
-
Kyun ki
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
–
-
-
-
-
-
100 mein se 10
Larkia’n naturally
khoobsurat hoti hai
-
-
-
-
Aur baki
-
-
-
-
Apni Mehnat se…-
*************
Beta : 500 Rs Do na.
Papa : Kya Karega ?
Beta : Mere Sare Collej Friends Ka A/C Hai,
Mai Bhi Khulwaunga.
Papa : Very Good. Kaha Pe ?
Beta : Cigrate Ki Dukan Par.
*************
Collej Girl says:
Na dekh Hasino ko Azab Hoga,
Tu B ek din kisi Hasina ka Baap Hoga
Collej Boy says:
Khuda kary teri zuban suchi ho
Muje Papa kehne wali teri hi bachi ho
*************
Sonu apne Collej friend se-Tune Uss Ladki K Liye Cigratte Chhodi
Monu-Ha
Sonu-Daru
Monu-Ha
Sönu-To Shadi Q Nahi Ki
Monu-Itna Sudhar Gaya Tha Ki
Uss Se B Achi Mil Gayi..
*************
proffecerr: raju, tum kis liye college aate ho?
Student: vidya ke khaatir
proffecer: toh ab so kyu rahe ho?
Student: aaj vidya nahi aayi hai sir
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Parhai sirf 2 wajah se hoti hai. Ek shoq se. Or Ek khouf se. Shoq hamen hai nahi. Or DARTE to hum kisi k baap say b nhi.
*************
Special Yoga For Highly Stressed Students: Sit On Ur Chair Bend Ur Head Back ClOse Ur Eyes SlOwly Completely Relax & Say Bhar Me Jaye Study Yaar;-)…
*************
World’s Best Feeling: It Comes When We See A Wonderful QuestiOn Paper In The ExaminatiOn Hall & We Smile At Each Other & Say Aik B Nahe Ataa..:)..
*************
DooOr Se Daikha Kitabain The.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pass Jane Ka Sawal He Paida Nahe H0ta…
*************
IIT exam,
Santa got 1 question.
Prove
Sin x = 6n
Santa cancelled ‘n’ from both the sides.
Then
six=6
&
wrote:
“Kuch to standrd rakha karo IIT k ques ka
*************
Teacher: Galti hone pe maafi magne wale ko kya kahte hai?
Stud: Samajhdar
Teacher: Aur galti na hone pe bhi mafi mangne waale ko kya kahte hai?
Stud: BOYFRIEND
*************
Studnt ke dilo ki awaz:
Zindgi ka rukh mod dnge,
Sari bandise tod dnge
Ye Semester…..
Jese-tese nikl jaye,
Next Semester me to pakka record tod denge
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Fees maafi ke liye Application:
To
The Principal
High school
Sir,
Baat ye hui k mere Dad ne mujhe fees k liye 2000 rupe Diye the, 500 ki dosto k sath film dekh li, 500 ki drink ho gayi,
500 ka girlfrind ka recharge karwana pad gaya fir usko 250 ki coffee pilai, aur bache 250 english wali mam pe shart har gaya…
Mein samjhta tha ki unka sirf maths ke sir ke saath chakkar hai par unka to aapse bhi chakar nikla,
ab aapke paas 2 hi raste haia…
Ya to meri fees maaf ya aapka pardafaash..
Asha karta hun meri fees maaf ho jayegi…
Aapka pyara
Vidyarthi..
Chappal Chor Das
*************
Principal- I tried ur number so many times,
it said switched off..
STUDENT said : ya… it’s my CALLER TUNE
Principal shock!
Student Rock!
*************
Studnt ke dilo ki awaz:
Zindgi ka rukh mod dnge,
Sari bandise tod dnge
Ye Semester…..
Jese-tese nikl jaye,
Next Semester me to pakka record tod denge
*************
Teacher: Galti hone pe maafi magne wale ko kya kahte hai?
Stud: Samajhdar
Teacher: Aur galti na hone pe bhi mafi mangne waale ko kya kahte hai?
Stud: BOYFRIEND
*************
IIT exam,
Santa got 1 question.
Prove
Sin x = 6n
Santa cancelled ‘n’ from both the sides.
Then
six=6
&
wrote:
“Kuch to standrd rakha karo IIT k ques ka”
*************
01. School—————–Yaadein
02. Principal ————— Jaani Dushman
03. Classes ————– Kabhi kabhi
04. Canteen————– Kabhi alvida na kehna
05. Course ————— Godzilla
06. Exams —————- Kalyug
07. Examination hall—- Chamber of secret
08. Exam-time ———– Qayamat se qayamt tak
09. Question paper —– Paheli
10. Answer paper ——- Kora kagaz
11. Cheating ————- Aksar/chupke chupke
12. Paper out ———— Plan
13. Examiner ————- The killer
14. Last exam ———— Independence day
15. Paper correction —- Andha kanoon
16. Marks —————– Assambhav
17. Result —————– Murder
18. Pass ——————- Ajjoba/ chamatkar
19. Fail ——————— Devdas
20. Supplementary —— Aakhri raasta
21. Vacation ————– Waah life hoto aisi
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
College ki girls ne strike ki.BOys ne bhi unka sath diya.
Girls ne zor se kaha “hamari mange”.Boys ne piche se kaha “SINDUR se bharo”
*************
Height Of Attitude
Teacher: Why R U Talking During My Lesson?
Student: Why R U Teaching During My Conversation..!!
Panga Iz N0t Changa Wid Da Students;->
*************
MRE COLLEGE KA 1 WAQIA.
Teacher :
Y R U Late.
Al Ur Clasmates Came To Clas On Time???
Me:
“Jhund Me Kutte Ate Hain Sir……
Sher To Akela Ata Hai.
*************
Teacher student se:
“Table pe ink kis ne grai hai?”
Is jumlay ko apni zaban mai kis trha kaho ge?
.
Studnt:
“Ye kis kuttey k bachy ne apni auqat dikhai hai”
*************
Classic Example For
Students Of Different
Age Groups:
1st To 3rd Standard:
Hey I Studied Everything
For Exam …
4th To 6th Std:
Hey That Question Was
Very Hard So I Din’t
Read Tht…
6th To 8th Std:
Hey Studied Only
Important Questions
8th To 10th Std:
Abay 4 Chapters Is
Enufff !!
College:
What ? ? Exam Is
Tomorrow
University:
Oh ! Aaj Exam Hy
Kisi Ne Bataya Hii Nahi
O Utho Utho
Dekho INDIA Me Kya Huwa Hai
Nahi Pata
Nahi Pata
OoH0 shubha Hwi Hai YaaR
Good Morning
*************
Chahe
Gusa karo
chahe
Galiyan do
chahe
Sar peeto
chahe
MOBILE tor do
chahe
Ghar ka saaman bikhair do
Hum to is time hi
G(,”)(“,)D MORNING kahenge.
*************
I think u r very careless! U come & leave things behind! See now what U hav left! U just came in my mind & left
a SMILE on MY Face. Good Morning
*************
5 Steps To A Lovely Morning..
1- Open Your Eyes.
2- Take A Deep Breath.
3- Smile A Bit.
4- Open Your Arms Wide.
5- Say, “Its Too Early.
Lets Sleep Again.”
*************
Wishing u….. Gud Morning ,gud Afternoon ,gud Evening & gud Night.
hey, 4 in 1 SMS pack – I saved the money….
*************
Finally ab hum uth gaye hai to jinko bhi goodmorning karna hai line se aajaye tokan mil rahe hai , ek duje ko bhi dhakka nahi marna , darshan 12 baje tak honge . OK
*************
In French: Bon jour In Spanish: Te Quiro In Italian: Teamo In Yugoslav: Volim Te In English: Good Morning In Punjabi: Uth Moya Kam te nahi jana?
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Rain of summer, snow of winter,
grace of autumn, glory of spring,
May beauty of every season
give ur heart a beautiful reason 2 smile.
May God suceed u in every exams of ur life.
Good luck all the best
*************
Stealing the blue from the splashing seas,
A tinge of green from the youthful trees,
A bit of orange from the sunset hues,
With crystal white from the morning dews,
I have framed a bright and colourful wish
Just for you
Good Luck!
*************
Meaning of some colors,
Yellow for special friend,
white for peace,
orange 4 luck,
black for hate,
red for love and
pink for likeness,
So i choose for u Orange Flower.
Wish u good luck
*************
FROM my
1 Heart…
2 eyes…
5 litre blood…
206 bones…
1.2million Red Cells…
60 trillion D.N.A.s…
I wish u …..
.
.
.
All the very best of LUCK
*************
Fly in the plane of Ambition Land in the Airport of Success…
Luck is yours,
Wish is mine…
May Ur future always shine…Good Luck.
*************
Have faith in your ability to succeed,
Be positive and never look back at failures.
Good Luck!
*************
In everything you do, there is a purpose,
Prepare to pursue your purpose with
A prayer, ask for guidance, protection
And direction.
Good Luck
*************
Don’t pray for Easy Lives
Pray to be a Strong Man!
Don’t pray for Task Equal to Ur Powers!
Pray for Power Equal to Ur Tasks
*************
The Hope, the Struggle and the Hard Work
Towards a goal is part of the rewards.
Achieving goal itself is not the whole reward
Good Luck!
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Q: What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
A: Outlaws are wanted.
*************
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
*************
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
This describes everything you are not!
*************
3 Chimps escaped from the zoo… 1 was caught watching tv…
another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
*************
Ive won a trip for me and 50 mates for 2 weeks aboard a luxury yacht in
the caribbean, inclusive with £5000 each spending money………can you feed my dog while i’m gone?
*************
Ur 100% caring,
Ur 100% fun.,
Ur 100% sweet,
Ur 100% nice, and
Ur 100% stupid to believe it!!!
*************
2 cannibls are eating a clown. The first cannibl turns to the other and says does this taste funny to U?
*************
This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number.We are truly sorry for the inconvenience
*************
Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
*************
How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
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?It is said that Husband is the head of the family,
But
Remember that wife is the Neck of the family.
& the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants.
*************
Unforgettable 3 Things In Our Life..
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
1. Breakfast
2. Lunch
3. Dinner!!!
No need to be emotional everytime!
*************
What Is The Next Thing
A Man Should Do After
Winning An
Argument With His Wife ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Apologize !!!
*************
Teacher: Sach or Veham mai kiya farq hai ?
Student: Aap jo hamain parha rahi hain wo sach hai, laykin hum sab parh rahay hain ye aapka veham hai……..
*************
Ques…Bharat ka sabse bada pralay ka din kaun sa hoga.?
Ans…Jis din rakhi —*—
aur friendship day —!!—
ek saath padega
*************
3 boys where going on a motor cycle. policeman gives hand to stop sardar shouted oye pehle hi teen bhete hai tu kaha bethega…!
*************
I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful… I look at you.. I.. I… I’d rather look at the moon again.
*************
I want u 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry, I cry. U laugh.. I laugh. U jump out of d window.. I look down n then.. I laugh again.. hahaha
*************
Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn’t have if you didn’t have a computer.
*************
Why does a stupid blond woman sneak past the pharmacy? …………….. She does not want to wake the sleeping tablets!
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Pathar se dosti, Jan ko khatra.Pathan se dosti, Demagh ko khatra. Daru say dosti,LIver ko khatra.Hum say dosti, rat be rat SMS ka khatra!!
*************
Jahan ki gurbat me sukun nahi ayega,
Gam-e-tohin se kubul nahi ayega.
Maklul ki fitrat he ye kafir,
Dimag fatt jayega parr yeh sher samaj nahi ayega..!!
*************
Na vo ikrar karate hai na wo inkar karate hai, Mere khayal me wo kambakt mere, Kisi dost ko pyar karte hai
*************
Ek bar 300 phatan ship mein safar kar rahay the
lakin sare k sare mar gayeee
kaise?
kuch khaas nahi
ship bich mein kharab ho gai
to dhaka denay neachey uttar gayeeeeee
*************
Q: Aadmi shadi kyon karta hai?
A: Kyon ki jab marne ke baad narak me jaye to ajeeb sa na lage.
*************
Voh choom le ik bar to aati nahi neend
Unki meethi avaz mein jati hai raat beet
Iss liye kehta hu ye risk na uthao
All out lagao machar bhagao…
*************
Jab Jab hume pyaas lagti hai, Unke aane ki aas lagti hai
unki dewangi mein hum ho gaye itne dewane, Ki har ladki ki maa apni saas lagti hai
*************
Kitne Dino’n Se Seyah Libas Pehne Phir Rahay Hain,
.
.
.
Ke Koi Hamein Muft Shampo De Or Kahay
“Your Licence To Wear Black”
*************
Kabhi kushi kabhi gam
(Mere sms na hoga kam)
Kabhi alvida na kahna
(Sms karte rahna)
Dhoom
(Mere sms padke joom)
Hera pheri
(Ab tumhari bari)
*************
DIL NE KAHA SMS KAREN
SOCHA
DIL TAU PAGAL HE
PHIR KHAYAL AYA..
CHALO KOI BAAT NHI,
JIS KO SMS KARNA HE WO KONSA NORMAL HE.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Aik Munder main buri neeyat wale gaeb ho jate they.Amitab gya wog gayab, Hirithik gya woh gayab,Akshey gya woh gayab, Ashwarya gai Bhagwan gayab
*************
Humari achai ka kitna fayada uthate ho,
ek sms bhej kar 10 free pate ho,
hum per or be julm dhate ho,
humne suna hai k humare sms send kar k
ladkiyo ko patate ho….
*************
ek aadmi marne ke baad swarg jata hai
God=Bol kya chahiye?
=Muze sonni kuddi dila do,
God= Dila dunga,,
Aagr tu Muslim hai to KATRINA..
Agar Baniya hai to YANA..
Aur Agar Punjabi hai to KAREENA,,
Bol tera naam kya hai..??
Mohammad Singh Aggarwal
*************
Ladki ek aisi paheli hai, kabhi teri to kabhi meri saheli hai.
Kharcha karo to bole “darling, how are you?”. Na karo to bole “brother, who are you?”.
*************
Patient to Doc: Aapne nurse bahut achhi rakhi hai, uska haath lagte hi main theek ho gaya.
Doctor: Jaanta hu, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi…
*************
Judge: Tum apni limit cross kar rahe ho.
Lawyer: Kaun saala aisa kehta he?
Judge: Tum ne muje sala bola?
Lawyer: Nahi My Lord, maine pucha KAUN SA LAW aisa kehta he?
*************
Bhikhari: Sahib ik rupaiya de do.
Sahib: Kal anna.
Bhikhari: Iss kal kal ke chakkar mein iss colony mein mere lakhon rupaiye fasse hue hai!
*************
Pati: Tum hi meri kavita ho, kalpana ho, bhawana ho!
Patni: Aap hi mere Dinesh ho, Rajesh ho, Suresh ho….
*************
log kahte hai bhagwan ne tumhe fursat se banaya hoga,,,thik hi kahte hai altu- faltu kam fursat me hi hote hai.
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A Boy Got Caught In Class Throwing Paper Airplanes.
Teacher Gave Him Punishment To Write 5000 Times “I Will Not Throw Paper Airplanes In Class.” And Submit It Tomorrow.
Next Day, He Submitted The Paper Written
#Include
#Include
Void Main( )
{
Clrscr( );Int N;
For( N=1 ; N<=5000 ; N++ )
Printf(“I Will Not Throw Paper Airplanes In Class”);
Getch( );
}
Be A Programmer… ;->
Think Differently!
*************
A Girl Will Always Forgive And Forget
But
She Will Never Let You Forget That She Had
Forgiven And Forgotton..
*************
Kid:Dad, Can We Go To McDonald?”
Dad:Only If You Can Spell Mcdonalds
Kid:Thought For A Mint, Turned Around
N Said
Can We Go To KFC Instead?
*************
One Of The Best Quote,
Always have a
BACKUP
BEFORE
BREAKUP!
*************
2 MEN TALKING
1st:
I am getting married because
I am tired of eating out,
cleaning house & doing laundry
2nd:
Strange,
I am taking divorce for same reasons!
*************
True Love is like a pillow.
U could HUG it when Ur in trouble.
U could CRY on it when Ur in pain.
U could EMBRACE it when Ur happy.
Want True Love?
Spend Rs.50 buy a Pillow.
*************
SILENCE
Is d best Answer
for all questions
.
SMILE
Is d best Reaction
in all situations
.
Unfortunately
.
BOTH Never Help In
any EXAM, VIVA, REVIEW INTERVIEW
*************
In an exam, a student who wasn’t prepared left the page blank
And at the bottom drew flowers and wrote -
“In the memory of my memory, which recently passed away!
*************
6 answers given by a GIRL wen she is proposed:
.
1.No
2.Give some time
3.I have always seen u as my frnd
4.I already have a bf
5.V shud concentrate on studies
6.dis is jus infactuation
.
If a BOY is proposed:
1. yes
2. yes
3. yes
4.yes
5.yes
6.yes
*************
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
So I’d be in your hands all day.
.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
So I could have a new one everyday..
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
2 MEN TALKING
1st:
I am getting married because
I am tired of eating out,
cleaning house & doing laundry
2nd:
Strange,
I am taking divorce for same reasons
*************
A Boy Was Going With His Girl Friend
Friend Asked : Who Is She?
Boy : My Cousin.
The Frend Said: Last Year She Was My Cousin.! :D
*************
Judge: Tum apni limit cross kar rahe ho.
Lawyer: Kaun saala aisa kehta he?
Judge: Tum ne muje sala bola?
Lawyer: Nahi My Lord, maine pucha KAUN SA LAW aisa kehta he?
*************
Beautiful flowers die….
Nice stories end……
Lovely songs fade…….. ..
Momeries are forgotten… ..
All things comes to end…..
But people like YOU always remain forever
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
BECAUSE GHOSTS NEVER DIE
*************
One boy went to meet his girlfriend
when he came back at home
mom asked
kahaan gaey they ?
boy:us se milney
mom: kis liye?
boy: haan bohat kiss liye:
*************
Sardar on phone:
Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.
Doctor: Is this her first child?
Sardar: No this is her husband speaking…
*************
A man to Santa:
Your friend is kissing your wife in your home.
Santa rushes home and came back within
half an hour and slapped the man
and said:
“He’s not my friend.”
*************
Who‘s hot… Its U,
Who‘s
Charming… Its U,
Who‘s
Sweetest.. Its U,
Who‘s
Intelligent… Its U,
Who‘s dear & near friend… Its U
Who‘s a liar.. Its me
*************
A sardarji goes to a chinese restaurant
and puts his finger
on the last of menu: Bring this.
Waiter: Oh! you can’t get it
because he is the owner of restaurant.
*************
I have lots of jokes in my inbox,
But I can’t send you all of them,
It will take a lot of time,
So I’m sending you just 1 joke
.
.
.
“You are so beautiful”
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
wife:honey,what r u looking 4?
husband: nothing
wife:why have u been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ?
husband: i was just looking 4 the expiry date
*************
Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means…
Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
WIFE says: No darling , it means :-
With Idiot For Ever
*************
Wife: I wish I was a newspaper
so I would be in ur hands allday.
Husband: I too wish that u were
a newspapers so I could have
a new one everyday.
*************
What’s the similarity between chewing gum & begum(wife) ??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Both are sweet at the beginning
and
become tasteless, shapeless and chipku in the eNd…
*************
LOVE IS LIFE
LIFE IS WIFE
WIFE IS KNIFE
and
KNIFE IS DANGEROUS
*************
patni maike ja kar pati ko roz phon q karti hai.
.
.
.
.
.
.
taki pati ko yad rahe ki musibat abhi tali nahi hai
*************
Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.
*************
Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night
and suddenly shouts: “Up! Quick! My husband is back!”
Man gets up, jumps out of the window,
hurts himself, and then realizes: “Damn, I am the husband!”
pos
*************
You know why women starts with ‘W’…
because all questions start with “W”.. !
Who ?
Why ?
What ?
When ?
Which ?
Whom ?
Where ?
&
Finally Wife..!!!
*************
Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream
That u were sending me
Jewelry and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw
your dad paying the bill !!!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Circuit bhai naukar ne chandi ka chammach chori kar liya Munna kaun sa wala Circuit woich bhai jo apun hotel se chori kar ke laye the
*************
Gabbar ne sholey film me thakur ke haath Q kate the nahi pata Q ki thakur Gabbar ko sms nahi karta tha baki samajhdar ko ishara kafi hai
*************
Santa- Apne Bal ko to Dekho,
Jaise Ghas Ugi Ho.
Banta- Tabhi toh Main Soch Raha Tha
Ki Mere Pas Ye Jaanwar Kyo Khada Hai.?
*************
Sonu- Abe Dekh Mere Daant..
Kaise..
Heere Ki Tarah Chamak Rahe Hai..
Monu- To Mere Kaun Se Kam Hai.
.
Ek Dum.
.
Sone Ki Tarah Peele Hai..
*************
Bandar ka vayapari ek admi se bola-aapne bandaro ke trak ko yahan se jate huye dekha hai kya..
Admi-aap usme se gire hai kya..
*************
Golu-mere bete ka credit card chori ho
gya
molu-bank ko bataya
golu-nai
chor mere bete se kam kharch krta hai
*************
Mam:-Hanumaan Kiska Chhora tha?
Student:- Jaat Ka
Mam:-Woh Kaise?
STudent:- Uskay Kaam Jaato walay thay Ladai kisiki , Lugai Kisiki , Poonchh apni Phukwa li.
*************
yamraj hijde se bole-lao tumhara hisab.
dunia me kya krke aaye ho?
hijda-aaye haye harami, abe de ke kya bheja tha jo hisab mang rhe ho.
*************
Delivry K Waqt
Lady-God Ladka
Man-God Ladki
God-Shut Up,Dont Confuse Me
Varna Aisa Confuse ITEM Bana Dunga K Tum Dono Roage Or Wo Tali Bajayega
*************
Pagal1: maine tuje phone karna tha, pr tera mob.no. bhool gyapagal2: pagal muje msg kr k puch leta.Pagal1: sorry yaar dimag me nai aya ye toh,,,;??
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Wife: Main maayke ja rahi hu,
tumhe talaak ka notice bhej dungi.
Husband: Ja ja mithi-mithi bate karke
mujhe khush karne ki koshish mat kar.!!
*************
Pati ke marane ke 2re din
patni ne paper me advtz diya
mere pati ki antim
yatra me aane ke liye
sub ko thanks.
Kavita
(Age-32, Hight- 5ft 2inch,
Rang-Gora, NO-Child)
*************
If You Want To Remove Your Wrinkles, Pimples, Face Marks & The Signs Of Skin Aging Try…
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ADOBE PHOTOSHOP
*************
Sanata: Madam aap murgi hai kya.??
Teacher: q?
Santa: Aap mujhe hamesha test mein anda deti hai.!!
*************
Raj: Jaldi se 1 Glass Juice Do Ladai hone Wali hi.
Peny K Bad, Raj: 1 Glass aur do Ladai Hone Wali Hi.
Juice Wala: Ladai Kab Hogi?
Raj: Jab tu Paise mange ga tab!!
*************
Santa Banta se: Bhai ye khushiyan kya hoti hain?
Banta: Pata nahi bhai, meri to kam umar me hi shadi ho gayi thi.!!
*************
Santa child – mere papa bahut darpok hain,
Banta vhild – how?
Santa child – jab bhi road cross karten hain, meri ungli pakad lete hain.
*************
Banta to son : oye tere result ka kya hoya
son : papaji is class wich ek saal aur lagega
Banta : koi gal nahi puttar, tu chahe to 2 saal aur laga le par fail nahi hona.
*************
Santa : Bhai Saheb Do ticket dena.
Conductor : Do kyon
Santa : Agar ek kho gaya to dusra kaam aayega.
Conductor : Agar dono kho gaya to?
Santa : To phir pass kab kaam aayega
*************
Ye Biwiya apne pati ko”A.G.”kyo bulati hai?
Kyuki Biwiya Sanskari hoti hai.
Bhare Bazzar me “abe Gadhe” nahi keh sakti isliye Short form me bulati hai.
“A.G.”
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Ishq ke COLLEGE me naya mahoul taiyar ho gaya,
Pappu ki GF se puri class ko pyar ho gaya,
Bas tabhi se pappu udas ho gaya,
Puri class fail or Pappu pas ho gaya!
*************
Fees maafi ke liye Application:
To
The PrincipaL
Sir,
Baat ye hui k mere Dad ne mujhe fees k liye 2000 rupe Diye the, 500 ki dosto k sath film dekh li, 500 ki drink ho gayi,
500 ka girlfrind ka recharge karwana pad gaya fir usko 250 ki coffee pilai, aur bache 250 english wali mam pe shart har gaya…
Mein samjhta tha ki unka sirf maths ke sir ke saath chakkar hai par unka to aapse bhi chakar nikla,
ab aapke paas 2 hi raste haia…
Ya to meri fees maaf ya aapka pardafaash..
Asha karta hun meri fees maaf ho jayegi…
Aapka pyara
Vidyarthi..
Chappal Chor Das
*************
Principal- I tried ur number so many times,
it said switched off..
STUDENT said : ya… it’s my CALLER TUNE
Principal shock!
Student Rock!
*************
Studnt ke dilo ki awaz:
Zindgi ka rukh mod dnge,
Sari bandise tod dnge
Ye Semester…..
Jese-tese nikl jaye,
Next Semester me to pakka record tod denge!
*************
Munn Bhai: College ka fulform kya hota he Circuit?
Circuit: Boleto bhai,
C-come
O-on
L-love
L-lets
E-every
G-girl
E-every day
Bhai!!
*************
Sir: Achha Insan Wo Hi He Jo Dusro K Kaam
Aaye
Santa: Par Madam
Exam Me Na Aap
Humare Kaam Aati Hai
Aur Na Hi Kisi Aur Ko
Aane Deti Hai.
*************
Class Rooms r like Train
1st 2 benches r Executive Coaches-Reserved for VIP
Middle 2r Genral Compartment
N Last 2r Sleeper Class
*************
SANTA Class Me 1 Donkey Le Kar Aaya
Tacher: Iss Ko Kyu LaYe Ho?
SANTA: Sir Aap ne hi to Kaha Tha Ki Aap
Gadhe Ko Bhi Insan bana dete ho..
*************
Life of a student:
PC hai net Nahi,
ATM Hai paise Nahi,
Cell Hai balance Nahi,
EXAM hai tension Nahi,
Padna hai, lekin saala mood Nhi!!
*************
Teacher: Gandhi Jayanti k baray mein kya jantey ho?
Stdnt: Gandhi solid aadmi tha,
par maa kasam apun ko ye nahi malum k ye Jayanti kaun thi.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
A Bihari rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his motorcycle had
*************
A Bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets,Do tho
ticket dena, the person at the window tells him that there is a house
full, so this Bihari says koi baat nahin do house full de do.
*************
A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked for one Wills: Bhai ek
Will dena, so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is
no brand by the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted
and said I want one Will, so the person told him unless you say it
correctly i.e Wills I won’t sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad
and said “Hum ek hi to maang rahen hain pura packet to nahin maang
rahen hain”.
*************
This incident happened when we were in college. Two Biharis
talking to each other, “Aaj Mother teresa aa rahen hai Kennedy
Auditorium mein saam ko aap chalenge na , hum aap ko 5.30 p.m sharp
pe lene aienge, so this fellow didn’t know who is Mother Teresa and
replied back,” nahin bhai aap hi chale jaiye hum Englis film nahin
dekhte hain
*************
There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets, so when
the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and
so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets , this fellow
answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them, so the
T.T.E said what if you lose both of them, so this guy said then why
do I have a monthly pass.
*************
the logical reason behind such hatred for biharis is that we biharis dont have much work opportunity in our state so v r alws moving out into other states for jobs or education. and thereby the people living there come to knw our unique culture and way ofliving. nw as an indian every indian is uncomfortable in different proportion towards a culture or belief which is nt their own. and so biharis r loathed everywhere. bt yes we do come out as champions.
*************
who cares !..
I mean a joke is a joke and should be taken lightly.
Biharis are smelly, good for nothing people anyways. why bother!!1!
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Press down
again
again.. please
once more
sorry again
6 times more
Oh! Again
1 Time again
don’t u have any job?
*************
Human lies!,
that is normal.
lions eat grass,
that is ok.
but when a z monkey
press a mobile keyboard
that s amazing!!!
hey r u still pressing..
*************
One of the
Intelligent
Monkey
Mising
In
Zoo.!
Its name is..
is..
is..
is..
is..
is..
is..
is..
is..
Don’t worry
It is not u,
beCos
It is intelligent..
*************
Lets play a GAME,
Its very interesting,
Ready?
3
2
1
START,
Kya START?
Bhootni k Kuch Kaam Kar Le.
Har Waqt Mobile Mai Ghusa Rehta Hai…
*************
Khudi Ko Kar Kanjoos Itna,
K har SMS se Bhejne se pehle.
Service Center waly Call ker k khud Puchein.
Pakki Baat Hai?
Bhejna Hai K “Sending Failed” Karen?
*************
Ghazab Ka Nakhra Ajeeb Yeh Style Hai
Sms Nahi Kartey Or Kehtay Ho
Mere Pass Mobile Hai
Bey-Sharmi Ki Had To Dekho
Yeh Parh K B Aap K Chehray Par SMILE Hai.
*************
Suna Hai Aapki Muskurahat Pe Har Kio Marta Hai.
.
.
.
Zara Time Nikaal Kar Aana To.
.
.
.
Ek Chooha Maarna Hai.
*************
Yaar tmhare Number ko kya howa hai? Maine abhi call ki to operator Boli “welcome 2 jungle aap ka matlooba bandar darakht se ulta latka hua hai plz try later..
*************
1
.
.
.
2
.
.
.
3
.
.
.
4
.
.
.
5
.
.
.
6
.
.
.
7
.
.
.
8
.
.
.
9
.
.
.
10
.
.
.
Shabbash..
.
.
Ab so jao !
kal A-B-C parhain gay…
*************
Dunya buri hosakti he,
AAP NAHI
.
Loog bure hosakte hen, AAP NAHI,
.
Dunya bewaffa hosakti he, AAP NAHI,
.
Pagaal thek ho sakte he, AAP NAHI
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Flowers means honey…,honey means sweet… Sweet means desire …,Desire means Love…,Love means Friend…,Friend means U sweet sweet…
*************
why do we close our eyes when we pray?
when we cry?
when we dream?
when we kiss?
coz,we know dat most beautiful things in life r not
seen but felt by heart
*************
ZINDAGI MEIN RAASTAY KAISE BHI HO GUZAR JAYEGE. 1 DIN CHUPKE SE HUM BHI MAR JAYEGE. AJ REHTEIN HAI YAR KE DIL MEIN YAAD BAN KAR. KAL AANSOO BAN KAR ANKHON SE NIKAL JAYEGE –
*************
Doctor’s prescription 4 u.
A cute little smile 4 breakfast.
More laughs 4 lunch.
Lots of happiness for dinner.
Doctor’s fee? An sms when u r free.
*************
Friendship is not a game to play, It is not a word to say, It doesn’t start on March and ends on May, It is tomorrow, yesterday, today and everyday.
*************
Boy: I am not rich like rohit, I don’t even have a bid car like rohit. But I really love you! Girl: I love you too, but tell me more about rohit..
*************
Science has proved that sugar melts in water,so plz don`t walk in the rain,
otherwise I may lose a sweet friend like u!!
*************
If u drop me, i ‘ll break, If u hold me, i ‘ll shake, If u need me, i’ll hurry, If u don’t call me, i ‘ll worry, If u hurt me, i’ll cry, but friend , If u leave me, i ‘ll die…
*************
We’ve known each other by CHANCE, became friends by CHOICE, still friends by DECISION. And when we say FRIEND FOREVER, that’s definitely a lifetime PROMISE!
*************
A friend is someone we turn to when our spirits need a lift. A friend is someone we treasure for
our friendship is a gift. A friend is someone who fills our lives with beauty, joy, and grace.
And makes the whole world we live in a better and happier place
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Agar Doctor na film banane start kar di to film ka nam hoga-
Paralyzed ho na ho
Hum blood de chukka sanam
Mari yaar ke endscopy hai
Kaho na Diabeteshai
Hash ap hamara patient hoti
Pregnant banaya apna
Kabhi ICU Kabhi CCU
Hamara stethoscope apke pas hai
Operation to hona hi tha
Phir haddi fracture
Om surgery Om
Hypertension for you.
*************
Patient:Nurse Moojhe EKDAM potti nahi aati,Chawal khaya to chawal nikle,Roti khaye to roti,normal ke liye kya karu?
Nurse:PoTTI KHA!!!!
*************
Doctor:bolo apki husband ki keya problem hai?
Bibi:wo khub durbal hai.
Doctor:usko besi besi karke dud khawan.
Bibi:maine to dudh khane ke lyee kaha magar wo to pita hai.
*************
Patient: Docter Sab, mujhe bhool janey ki bemari hai
Doctor: Aap ko ye bemari kab se hai?
Mareez: Konsi bemari. . .
Then Doctor give a prescription to the patient
Kus samay bad—-
Mareez : doctor sab a dawai to kahin se nahi mil rahi
Doctor: oo ho.. dawai likhna to hum bhol hi gaya ye to hamara signature hai:-
*************
Patient Doctor ko bola –> Doctor Sahab Mujhe Dur Ka Nazar Nahi ata hai..
Doctor na kaha– > Wo Asmaan Par Kia Hai?
Mareez –> wo Suraj hai
Doctor > Aabay andhay is s e duur kia khudha ko dekhaga keya..!
*************
Patient:
It Must Be Tough Spending All Day
With Your Hands In Someone’s Mouth.
Dentist:
I Just Think Of It
As Having My Hands In Their Wallet.
*************
Admi:maine bohut dinse cigarette chodne ke liee kosis karta raha hum agar nahi parta hu.
Doctor:jaldi petrol pump par koi job le lijie ga.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
ek din mirinda aur 7up ladne lage jab pepsi ne poocha applogh kyun ladh rahe hoo, tu mirinda aur 7up ne pepsi se kaha sale kale tu apna kaam kar.
*************
Ur sms is electrical activity of my Heart!
Ur miss call is beat of my Heart!
Ur call is blood circulation of my heart!
So please keep active my Heart!
*************
Sardar got a job in AIRTel
custmr: Hello my AIRTEL sim loked what 2Do?
Srd: y don take tention remove airtel sim put BSNL,thank u 4caling
*************
Padan likhan di ki lodh punjabian nu.
punjabi vaise hi hushiar hunde.botal
sharab di master kol de k jande number
ape 6 to 66 hunde.
*************
Panjabi Larki Ka Izhaar-e-Mohabbat Pe Jawab..
.
Boy:
Menu Tuade Nal Pyar Ho Geya A..
.
Girl:
Hansi Or Sharma K Boli,
“Dafa O Kuty Deya Buchya”
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
A job in Railways.
Salary 15000/-,
job profile:-When the
headlight of the Engine
is not working you
have to run infront of
the train with a torch,
So hurry up…
wish u all the best
*************
what is the diffrent between
Himami & Sunami?
Himami is face wash,
Sunami is total wash.
*************
Sardar goes 2 gulabo’s home n knocks the door.
Gulabo: kon?
Sardar:Main!
Gulabo:Main kon??
Sardar: Tu gulabo, hor kon!!
*************
Munna: Abay Circuit! Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula ke laa, meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.
Circuit: Aey Bhai ! aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna: Bolay to meri fees buhat zyada hai.
*************
TEACHER :Name the animal which live in water & land
STUDENT :Simple ‘Frog’
TEACHER :Now name such 4 animal
STUDENT :Simple “Frog’s mother,Frog’s fath er,Frog’s sister”.:
*************
Patient: Doctor aap ko yakeen hai ke mujhay Namoonia (pneumonia) hai, kyun ke pichlay dino aik doctor meri friend ka Namoonia ka ilaaj karta raha aur woh Typhoid say mar gayi.
Munna: Haan ray meray ko pakka yaqeen hai, tu namoonia say hi maray ga.
*************
Tragedy of moon
So attractive but so simple
So enlightening but so cool
So moving but so still
So quite but so popular
And so romantic but always single
*************
Hasdi c hasdi c
Walaan nu lehrandi c
Wekh k sharmandi c
Kuj soch k fer muskarandi c
Aaj pta lgga saali aap te pagal c
Sanu we pagal bnandi c
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
A TEACHEr says to noughty boy” jab main sakht hoty hoon to bhoot sakht hoty hoon or jab main naram hoty hooon to bhoot narem”
Boy.:
Miss App to bilkul mere Dogi ki dum jesi hain jab tedi he to tedi he or jab sidhi he to bilkul sidhi he.!
—
*************
A child Never seen his Hips. One Day his hit him hard on his hips. Child come back 2 home & saw in tha mirror & said Kamini ne 2 tukry ker diye..!
*************
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.
*************
Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What ‘which part’? Whole body was born in India .
*************
sani ka daan, sani ka daan,
.
.
.
Yaar Tu To Mast Bol Leta Hai,
To Suru Ho Ja Ghar Ghr Ja Kar,Gujhiya Hi Gujhiya Milegi,,
.
.
.
Teri To Holi Mast Man Gyi Kyu :)
*************
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
*************
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
*************
Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with ‘T’.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
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Ques – Santa ne aag mein jalte hue makaan se 7 logo ko baahar nikla lakin ab wo jail me hai kyun ?
Ans – Kunki sabi 7 log FIREMEN they.
*************
Patient:-doctor mujhe beemari hae khana na khau to bhuk lag jaati hae,jyada kaam karta hu to thakan lag jaati hae,der tak utha rahu to need aa jaati hae.Kya karu?
Doctor:-Raat bhar dhoop mae bhete raho sahi ho jaoge.
*************
GADHE ke samne 1 PAANI ki & 1 DARU ki balti rakhi’
GADHA Paani pi gaya.
Police ne sharabi se pucha- Tune is se kya sikha???
Sharabi- Jo DAARU nahi pita vo GADHA hai…
*************
Santa- Agar nariyal k ped pe chhad jaun to Engineering college ki ladkiyan dikh jaayengi??
Banta- Zaroor!! Aur haath chhod dega to medical college ki bhi dikh jaayengi..
*************
Film Director to Actor: Tum ko 100 feet ki height se swimming pool me jump lagana hai.
Actor: Par mere ko tairna nahi aata, mein doob jaunga.
Film Director: Don’t worry, pool me paani nahi hai.
*************
Bewafa se kabhi pitar nahi hota
Marne k baad intizaar nahi hota
Har kisi se dosti dekh kar karna
Har insaan meri tarhan
COOL, SWEET OR SMART nahi hota
*************
Har Roz HAPPY Life Jiya Kijiye,
Mujh Ko 2, 4 SMS Bhi Kiya Kijiye,
Ho Sakay To Roz 1 Kaam Kiya Kijye,
Zyada Nahi Bas Dua Me Yaad Kiya Kijiye..
*************
DiL Main Basa Rakha Hai Teri Wafaon Ko,
Aankhon Me Chupa Rakha Hai Teri Adaon Ko,
Iss Jahan Main Kya Doon Tumhe Batao,
Ho Sake To Tohfa Samajh Lena Meri Duaon Ko.. !
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Santa: tainu Sunny Deol da phone no pata hai…?
Banta: Nahin, kyon ki hoya?
Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna si.
*************
Santa to Banta : Santa- mujhe kal paanch logon ne peeta..
Banta-to tune kuch nahi kiya..??
Santa-maine kaha saalo ek ek karke aao..
Banta-fir kya hua…??
Santa-fir kya..sabne mujhe baari baari karke wapas peeta..!!!
*************
Mumbai may ghareb awam mer rahi hay.terrorist ksi k qabo me nai aarhay.Indian Govt se guzarish hay k..
.
.
.
.
.
.
‘Sunny Deol’ ko bhejo na..:-
*************
People often talk about Rajnikant, but they forget about the antics and dialogues of our great Mithun da ..
Here are some amazing dialogues from Mithun da’s films. Enjoy !!!!
`
” Bheegi hui cigarette kabhi jal nahi sakti…..
aur yeh tay hai ki teri maut ki taarikh tal nahi sakti ”
Apuun ka naam hai HEERA,
Apuun ne sab ko Cheera…” (wah wah…..)
`
shetty: “kaun hai be tu?”
Mithun da says-
“Mai hoon tum jaise logon se nafarat karne wala,
Garibon ke liye jyoti, Gundon ke liye jwala
tuze banake maut ka Ek niwala,
tere sine mein gaad dunga mai maut ka bhala.
Mila doonga yamraj se tere ko salaaaa.” (what a poetry!!!!
*************
Veeru:Basanti in kutton ke aage mat naachna Santa sitting with his dog in d theater. Saali naachegi kaise nahi,kutte ka bhi ticket liya hai
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Jab Apka janam hua
Baadal fata Adbhoot roshni hui,
Bhagwaan khud sab k saamne prakat hue aur bole -
SORRY 4 DA MISTAKE! KINDLY ADJUST PLZ..!
Happy Birthday!
*************
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY”
To You
Shocked ?
Actually Aaj Ke Din
Jabir Bin Hayan
Ne ‘LOTA’ Ejaad kia Tha
To Maine Socha Har
‘LOTAY’
Ko Wish Kar Doon.
*************
Tumhari is ada ka kya jawab du,
apne dost ko kya uphar du,
koi accha sa phool hota to mali se mangvata,
jo khud gulab hai usko kya gulab du…
Junam Din Mubarak Ho
*************
Kick off ur shoes, take a break, Crank the tunes, Dance & Shake, light the candles, cut the cake. Make it a day, that’s simply Great!!! Happy B’Day..
*************
This msg has No Fat
No cholesterol n No Addictive
this is all natural except, with a lot of sugar. But it can never be as sweet as the one reading it.Happy Birthday
*************
Sun arise as usual time,
Rays fall on grass at usual time,
Birds fly at the usual time,
But all they shouting
“whers the party tonight?”
so have a very very special B’day!!
*************
I’m So Glad That God Gave Me A Son Like You.
I’m So Proud To Have You As A Son.
I See A Little More Of Me In You With Each Passing Year.
No Matter How Many Birthdays Come And Go, You’ll Always Be My Little Boy.
Happy Birthday Son.
*************
Birthday Message for a Boss
It’s nice to work for someone who knows
the secret to being a good manager…
being a good person.
Happy Birthday Boss,
keep up the good work.
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Boy: Boys are always more intelligent than girls
Girl: Any proof?
Boy: We always say intelliGENT, have u ever heard telling intelliLADY. .?
*************
Girlfriend to Boyfriend: Now it is time we should marry.
Boyfriend: That’s ok, but who will marry us.
*************
Girlfriend (boyfriend se): Ab hame shaadi kar leni chahiye.
Boyfriend: Voh to theek hai… par hum se shaadi karega koun?
*************
Teacher: “Me tumhari jaan nikal dungi”
Iski English batao kia hogi?
Student: English ki aisi ki taisi, tu hath to laga k dikha…!!!
*************
god askd man”whats ur wish? Man ” god please give me my bacheler days bach; ‘god laughed n said; ‘beta MANNAT mangne ko kaha tha JANNAT nahi
*************
Santa- Apne Bal ko to Dekho,
Jaise Ghas Ugi Ho.
Banta- Tabhi toh Main Soch Raha Tha
Ki Mere Pas Ye Jaanwar Kyo Khada Hai.?
*************
Tcher 2 Stdt-Beta Ans sheet pr sabse phle kya likhna chahiye?
St-IS SHEET PAR LIKHE GYE ANS KALPNIK H JINKA KISI B BOOK SE KOI SMBANDH Nhi H or
Yadi koi sambandh hai to wo co-incidence hoga..
*************
Gabbar ne sholey film me thakur ke haath Q kate the nahi pata Q ki thakur Gabbar ko sms nahi karta tha baki samajhdar ko ishara kafi hai
*************
Circuit bhai naukar ne chandi ka chammach chori kar liya Munna kaun sa wala Circuit woich bhai jo apun hotel se chori kar ke laye the
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winkle Twinkle little star**
Teri girl friend gaee bazar
usko milgaya dosra yaar..(copyright www.lovelysms.com)
ab tou beth kar makhiyaan maar..!!fakeha
Alcaholic mandhra
“Gurur’RUM’a
Gurur’VODKA’
‘GINN’eswara
Guru’SCOTCH’al
Para’BRANDY”
Thasmesree
‘BEAR’eNamaha
*************
Bus Me 1 Khusra,Or us ki back side par,
Ek baba ji thay….
Pechy se kisi sharir larky na..
Khusry ko ungli charha di,
Or khud pechy hat gia ….
Khusry nay pichy mur kar baby se kaha,
Baba ji main sadky Ay miss call tusi diti ay?
Baby nay apni DOTI utha kar kaar kaha,
Nahi Ballo! Mera tey Balance ei khatam A
*************
Life is too short to wake up
in the morning with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right
and
forget about the ones who don’t.
*************
Unho ne apna
haath barhaya
hai
faqt mujhe thamane
k liye,,
Par unse
main ye kaise kahu
k mujhe haath
nahi
saathi chahiye
*************
Takdir hai magar kismat nahi khulti
Taj Mahal banana chahata hoon lekin
Mumtaz nahi marti
*************
Aap ki Hasi Kabhi Kam naa Ho
Aapki Aankh kabhi Aasuon se Nam naa Ho.
Mile Zindagi me Har Khushi Aapko.
Bhale uss Khushi me Hum ho naa Ho
*************
Dosti hum ne khoob nibhayi hai….
dosti aur pyaar me na koi dewaar banayi hai….
log to dosti karte hain chehre dekh kar….
par aap ne to dosti ki ek alag pehchaan banayi hai…
harti so rahi hai, Aasman so raha hai
Dharti so rahi hai,Aasman so raha hai
Nonsense! yeh sab kya ho raha hai?
*************
Mein aapko ye to nahi kahta k
Mein aapko msg karta hun to aap bhi mujhe msg karo.
Par mere pyare dosto tum jinda bhi ho
Ye batane k liye to ek msg kar diya karo.
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Wife:”Tum Mujh Se Kitna Pyar Karte Ho?”
Husband:”Shahjahan Jitna.”
Wife:”Mere Marnay Ke Baad TAJ MAHAL Banao Gay?”
Husband:”Main Nein To Plot Bhi Le Liya Hai,DELAY To Tum Kar Rahi Ho!!!”
*************
2 Ghadhe{donky}apas main bateen kar rahe thay.1st yar mera malik bohat zalim hay.bohat marta hay kaam
b zyada leta hay.2ndto tum bhag jao na is ko chood ke.1st yar bhag to jaon per ik waja se ruka hoon.mera
malik jab b apni BETI se ladayi karta hay na.to us ko ye kehta hy ke beti tum sudher jao warna main ney teri
shadi GADHE se kar deni hay..
*************
3 Fastest means of communication
1 : Tele-Phone
2 : Tele-Vision
3 : Tell-a-women
Need still faster?
Tell her not 2 tell any1..
*************
Sardar : goes to police station and complains to police… Koi mujhe phone pe dhamkatha hai.
Police : kon phone karke dhamkatha hai.
Sardar :Airtel wale bolthe hai Bill nahi bhara tho “KATH DENGE
*************
Sardar proposed a Girl…… Girl said Im 1yr elder to you……….. Sardar said Oye No Problem Soniye,Ill marry you NEXT YEAR.
*************
Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means…Without Information Fighting Everytime!
WIFE satys No, it means -
With Idiot for Ever
*************
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery,
and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said,
“You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.
A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said ?You’re cute!? Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of ?beautiful? it was ?cute.? She said ?What happened to ?beautiful?? His reply was ?The drugs are wearing off!?
*************
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, ‘You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?’
‘Why?’ she asks.
‘Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.
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Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him. Next day he closed his bank account. Know why?
Because the bank’s slogan was: We make your dreams come true…
*************
Santa: Go and water the plants.
Servant: it’s already raining.
Santa: So what? Take an umbrella and go.
*************
Santa threw his watch off the balcony of his house on the tenth floor. He ran downstairs and still managed to catch it. How did he do that? Because Santa’s watch is always ten minutes slow.
*************
Santa being romantic to his wife.
“One day God tested me , erased all my memory and asked do you remember anyone now?
I told Him your name and He replied, “I am sorry some viruses cannot be formatted””
*************
Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai uska?
Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha “CHAALU KHAATA”
*************
Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
*************
santa: samindar me dahi dal raha tha
banta:isi liye log humpe joke banate hay. itni lassi tera baap piyega
*************
JUDGE to Santa, Tumhara jurm sabit ho chuka he, kal tumhe Fansi pe chdhaya jayega.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Santa: Wo to thik he,lekin utara kab jayega . . .
*************
Sabziwala Sabzi Par Pani Chhidak Raha Tha
Kaafi Der ho Gayi to Santa Kantaal Ke bola-
Agar Sabzi ko HOSH Aa Gaya ho to Ek kilo De Do…!!!
*************
Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat
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American: do you know swimming?
Indian: no
American: dog is better than you, it swims
Indian: do you know swimming?
American: yes
Indian: then what’s the difference between you and dog.
*************
Indian-I have 4-Sisters & 3-Brothers.
What about U?
American-I have No Sis or Bro,
but I have 4-Moms From my 1st Dad & 5-Dads From my 1st Mom.
*************
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with
his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see
that Indian?”
“Yeah,” says the other cowboy.
“Look,” says the first one, “he’s listening to the ground.
He can hear things for miles in any direction.”
Just then the Indian looks up. “Covered wagon,” he says,
“about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white.
Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon.”
“Incredible!” says the cowboy to his friend. “This Indian
knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they
are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!”
The Indian looks up and says, “Ran over me about a
half hour ago.”
*************
A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a
small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar,
ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar.
As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke
rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an
angry American Indian stomped up to him and said, “One more
remark like that and I’ll smash your face in!
*************
The tourist was admiring the Indian’s necklace.
“What is it made of?” she asked.
“Alligator’s teeth,” the Indian replied.
“I suppose,” she said patronizingly, “that they mean as much
to you as pearls do to us.”
“Oh, no,” he objected. “Anybody can open an oyster.
*************
American To Indian:
Tum Paglon K Sath Kya Salook Karte Ho?
Indian:
Hum Unko Pagal Khane Main
Band Kar Dete Hain
American:
Ye To Human Rights Ki Voilation Hai
Ham American To Unhen
America Ka President Bana Dete Hain
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Memon to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota hai to naya kyun le rahe ho?
Memon: jo toota hai woh akhri tha.
*************
EIK MEMON KHALI KATORE ME ROTI DABA KAR KHA RAHA THA
WAITER NE DEKA TU PUCHA: AAP YE KYA KAR RAHE HAIN?
MEMON NE JAWAB DIYA: MAIN MATHS KA TEACHER HUN, AUR DAAL SUPPOSE KAR KE KHA RAHA HUN
*************
Memon: Pent Ki Sila?
Tailor: 150 Rupees
Memon: Nekar Ki?
Tailar: 50 Rupees
Memon: Ok Nikar Hi See De
Par Lambai Pairon Tk Rkhna…
*************
Memon ask a taxi driver Data Sahib k mazaar jao gay?
Driver: Haan jaonga.
Memon ne jaib se ek shopper nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ke chawal lete aana.
*************
Memon larka apni girlfriend k sath
date maar ker wapis aaya to
baap nay pocha, kitnay rupai kharch karey?
Beta: Rs.50
Baap:itne saray kioon?
Beta: Bes uske paas itne hi thai…
*************
Aik memon ko jin chimat gaya 2 din baad jin khud ek Aalim ke paas gaya aur bola: Janab, Mujhe bahir nikalo mein to bhooka he mar jaonga!
*************
Ek memon ki shadi men bryani ki jageh pani
zyada dia jaraha tha , ek aadmi ne kaha
bhai sahab thori si bryani milegi ?
pani gale men atak gaya hai………
*************
Memon At Petrol Pump
Bhai 1rs Ka Petrol Dal Do
Salesman: Bhai Itna Sara Petrol Dalva
K Kahan Jana Hai?
Memon: Jana Kahan Hai Hm
To Aise Hi Paise Udaate Hai…
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
A memon getup in the morning and saw his wife died
He runs towards the kitchen where his daughter preparing the breakfast
He hug his daughter and said make breakfast lessen of one
Person and start weeping
*************
Memon: Bhi kelay kiaa darjen hain
Raili wala 1 Rupay darjin
Memon: 60 Paisay may kitne milenge
Raili wala: 60 Paisay may to chilkay he milengay
Memon: Aisa karo 60 paisay k chilkay aap nikaal k mujhay 40 paisay k khali kalay de do
*************
A Memon on his death bed:
My wife, where are you?
Wife: Yes, I’m here.
My sons and daughters, are you all here?
Children: Yes, Papa
Memon: To phir barabar wale kamre ka pankha kyun khula hai
*************
1 memon 14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne apni ghar ki khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!
*************
1 memon ne arbi ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Arabi ne usey Mercedez gift kardi.
Arabi ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
Memon ne phir khoon dia.
Ab ki baar Arabi ne til ke laddu gift kiye,
Memon: Ghusse se, Mercedez kyun nahi di?
Arabi: Ab hamare andar bhi Memono ka khoon daur raha hai
*************
A Memon called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Baap Mar gaya hai, kya charges honge?
Newspaper: Rs. 50 per word.
Memon: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho “Ghafoor Bhai Died”.
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Memon: Oh ho! zara sochne do….. Achha… likho……. ……… .
Ghafoor Bhai Died — Suzuki for Sale.
*************
Memon to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota hai to naya kyun le rahe ho?
Memon: jo toota hai woh akhri tha.
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Sardar ko sapne me ek ladki ne chappal mari, 2 din tak sardar apne bank nahi gaya, Qnki bank me likha tha.. “hum aapke sapne ko hakikat me badalte hain”
*************
Sardar: Doctor Sahab, Chashma lagne ke baad mai parh to paon ga na Doctor: Jee haan bilkul kyun nahi….. Sardar: Shukar, warna un-parh ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai
*************
1 pathan apne Betay k 6 mah bad birthday mna rha tha. Sardar ne pucha khan sahib: Log to sal bad birthday mnaty hen. Pathan bola: Hmare han smester systm chlta hai
*************
Titanic was sinking.
Santa: How much the earth is far from here?
Banta: 1 kilo meter.
Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: “…In which direction?
*************
Manager: Sorry, mein aap ko koi job nahi de sakta. Mere pas tum ko dene ke liye koi kaam nahi hai. Santa: Oh sir ji, aap chinta na karo, bas mere ko job de do. Mein aap se kaam dene ke liye kabhi nahi kahunga.
*************
Chand pe likh du naam tera ye mere dil me khayal aata hai. Par…
Ek to mera haath vahan tak nahi jata hai
Dusra, yeh khayal dupehar ko aata hai.
*************
Desi Old Man: Beta mere daant le ke aa.
Beta: Par pitashiri, abhi to bhojan tayar bhi nahi hua hai
Desi Old Man: Bhojan nahi khana, meine to sahmne wali buddhi ko smile deni hai
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Aliens Have Contacted The Earth…
Just Watch The News And See It….
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And
One More Thing Advance Mein Happy April Fool..!
*************
Today if anyone praises U 4 UR:
1.SMARTNESS
2.NATURE
3.STYLE
4.ATTITUTE
Kick them
how dare they
Can Fool U
before APRIL 1st…
*************
plz cal me urgent..
`
`
`
`
janab msg to pura padh liya kro. pata nhi kon kub pahle april fool bana de.
*************
Sine me dil,
Dil me dard,
Dard me yaqin,
Yaqin me khyal,
Khayal me khwab,
Khuwab me tasvir
Tasvir me sirf ap!
Itna Darawna khuwab?
Baap re Baap
Jab tum aine ke paas jate ho to aina kehta hai
beautiful beautiful?
aur jab tum aine se dur jate ho to aina kahata hai
? aprilfool, aprilfool ?
*************
So Sweet is ur SMILE???
so Sweet is ur STYLE???
so Sweet is ur VOICE???
so Sweet is ur EYE?????
see …….how Sweetly I LIE.
Happy April Fool Day!
*************
If today any 1 talks & praises u 4 ur
1) gud looks
2 ) nature
3 ) style
4 ) attitude,
kick them off.How dare they fool u before april 1st.
*************
I am your girlfriend:
Smart.
Intelligent.
Sweet.
Talented.
Excellent.
Romantic.
theek kaha na ?
In short I am your S.I.S.T.E.R. tongue.png
Happy April Fools Day
*************
When the whole world will, CELEBRATE:
YOUR NAME
YOUR FAME
YOUR PERSONALITY
YOUR THOUGHTS
YOUR VIEWS
But keep in mind,
April Fool comes once a year.
Congratulations!
*************
Santa banta se: APRIL FOOL manaya?
Banta: Haan!
Santa:kis k saath?
Banta:Biwi ke saath!
Maine usko 3 bar talaq dia
jab woh rone laga to Hum bola
APRIL FOOL,
APRIL FOOL..
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The best way to
release office stress is
To put your head on
the table, snooze,
yawn and say loud
.
.
.
.
“Bhaar Main Jaye Company …”:D
*************
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
*************
Bosses are some guy whome we have to face everyday. there is afamous saying” Boss is always correct. ” Here I want to dedicate this as an appreciation of that correct man. Read this funny joke on the Boss Day, let’s enjoy!!
*************
Employee: Sir, Plz increase my salary
Boss: No!
Employee: If you do not increase my salary,
I will tell every one in office that you have increased my salary and no one else’s
*************
The boss had listened in sympathetic silence as Mario went through the reasons why he needed, and felt he deserved, a raise.
Then, with a compassionate smile, the CEO patted he younger man on the shoulder. “Yes, Mario,” he said kindly, “I know you can’t get married on the salary I’m paying you… and some day you’ll thank me for it.”
*************
The boss employee relationship always have some tension. To relieve it, crack a joke or two!!
Boss: Raj, how many times I told you not to sing while you are working?
Raj: But I am not working sir. I am only singing!!
*************
Prayer Of An Employee :
Dear God,
Give Me The Wisdom To Understand My Boss.. ..
Give Me The Love To Forgive Him.. ..
Give Me The Patience To Understand His Deeds.. ..
But Dearest God Don’t Give The Power Because If You Give Me Power,
I WILL BREAK HIS HEAD.
*************
Boss: Tum Ne Kisi Ladki Ko Secretary Ki Job Par Rakh Liya,
Usse To Grammar Hi Nahi Aati.
Manager: Aap Ne Grammar Kaha Tha?
Main Samjha GLAMOUR Kaha Hai.
*************
Boss- Ek Accha Mirror Leke Aao,
Jisme Mujhe Mera Chehra Dikhayi De
Clerk: Main Sab Dukan par gaya,
Par Sabme Mere Hi Chehra Dikhayi de raha tha
*************
Boss: Tumhe driver ki job de raha hun.
Starting salary Rs.2000/-. Theek hai?
Driver: Gaadi Start karne ki salary is ok,
but Gaadi chalane ki salary kitni hai ?
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
An employee of a
company goes to the toilet. He sits on the toilet seat. Opposite him, on the wall
he sees written :
Hey.! If you had given
as much effort on the business, you would
have achieved your target.
*************
Office Colleague: What is the diff. between a Secretary & a Personal Secretary?
Secretary Colleague: Secretary says “Good Morning Sir” &
Personal Secretary says,”Its morning sir”.
*************
Naukrani: Malkin aap udaas kyon hain?
Malkin: Tumhare sahab apne office ki kisi ladki se pyaar karte hai.
Naukrani: Nahin, sahab mujhe dhokha nahin de sakte
*************
Friend- Tu office me to sher bana ghumta hai,
Ghar pe tujhe kya ho jata hai?
Rajesh- Hota to sher he hoon, bas upar DURGA sawar ho jati hai…
*************
Employee: Sir, Plz increase my salary
Boss: No!
Employee: If you do not increase my salary,
I will tell every one in office that you have increased my salary and no one else’s
*************
Secretary: Boss will you advance me my next month`s salary?
Boss: Certainly not. I never make advances to my secretary.
*************
The best way to
release office stress is
To put your head on
the table, snooze,
yawn and say loud
.
.
.
.
“Bhaar Main Jaye Company …”:D
*************
Heard in a Company :
“I was hired to do
what’s Best for the Company, so I’ve
Decided to Fire Myself.”!
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Thinking of Indians
Sarkari Bus me bethna nahi,
Sarkari School me padhna nahi,
Sarkari Hospital me ilaz nahi,
Mager
Nokri chahiye to kewal Sarkari wah INDIA
*************
HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK
1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it ” Boss ”
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empt
*************
Prayer Of An Employee :
Dear God,
Give Me The Wisdom To Understand My Boss.. ..
Give Me The Love To Forgive Him.. ..
Give Me The Patience To Understand His Deeds.. ..
But Dearest God Don’t Give The Power Because If You Give Me Power,
I WILL BREAK HIS HEAD.
*************
Boss: Why did you leave your last job?
Applicant: Illness.
Boss: What was the trouble?
Applicant: My boss was sick of me!
*************
Once, Boss, Officer & Clerk going 4 a meeting. They saw a Jin.
Jin said: As i fulfill 3 wishes at a time
But u r 3 persons so i will fulfill 1 wish for each.
Clerk: Send me to America with a lot of money clerk disappears.
Officer: Send me to Paris with a lot of beautiful girls. officer disappears.
Boss: He said: “I want these two idiots back at office
Moral: Always Let the BOSS
SPEAK
*************
Boss: Tumhe driver ki job de raha hun.
Starting salary Rs.2000/-. Theek hai?
Driver: Gaadi Start karne ki salary is ok,
but Gaadi chalane ki salary kitni hai ?
*************
Boss : I’ve Not seen
you ever do work.!
Employee : I like work.
It fascinates me.
I can sit and look at it
for hours, Boss
*************
“I was hired to do
what’s Best for the Company, so I’ve
Decided to Fire Myself.”!
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A political leader was visiting the mental hospital. Mulla Nasrudin sitting in the yard said, ‚You are a
politician, are you not?‚
‚Yes,‚ said the leader. ‚I live just down the road.‚
‚I used to be a politician myself once,‚ said the Mulla, ‚but now I am crazy. Have you ever been
crazy?‚
‚No,‚ said the politician as he started to go away.
‚WELL, YOU OUGHT TRY IT,‚ said Nasrudin ‚IT BEATS POLITICS ANY DAY.‚
*************
The editor of the town weekly received this letter from Mulla Nasrudin:
‚Dear Sir: Last week I lost my watch which I valued highly. The next day I ran an ad in your paper.
Yesterday, I went home and found the watch in the pocket of my brown suit. YOUR PAPER IS
WONDERFUL!‚
*************
Mulla Nasrudin and some of his friends pooled their money and bought a tavern. They immediately
closed it and began to paint and fix it up inside and out. A few days after all the repairs had been
completed and there was no sign of its opening, a thirsty crowd gathered outside. One of the crowd
yelled out, Say, Nasrudin, when you gonna open up?
OPEN UP? WE ARE NOT GOING TO OPEN UP, said the Mulla. WE BOUGHT THIS PLACE
FOR OURSELVES!
*************
Mulla Nasrudin was telling a friend how he got started in the bank business.
I was out of work, he said, so to keep busy, I rented an empty store, and painted
the word BANK on the window. The same day, a man came in and deposited
300.Nextday, another fellow came in and put in250.
WELL, said Nasrudin, I WAS GOING TO, BUT YOU KNOW HOW SILLY I LOOK IN A SILK HAT.
*************
The pilot at the air show was taking passengers up for a spin around town for five dollars a ride.
As he circled city with Mulla Nasrudin, the only customer aboard, he his engine and began to glide
toward the airport.
‚I will bet those people down there think my engine couped out,‚ he laughed. ‚I will bet half of them
are scared to death.‚
‚THATS NOTHING.‚ said Mulla Nasrudin, ‚HALF OF US UP HERE ARE TOO.‚
*************
The boss was complaining to Mulla Nasrudin about his constant tardiness. Its funny,he said. You are always late in the morning and you live right across the street. Now, Billy Wilson, who lives two miles away, is always on time.There is nothing funny about it,said Nasrudin. ”if Billy is late in the morning, he can hurry, but if I am late, I am here.”
*************
A man who has been married for ten years complained one day to his friend Mulla Nasrudin. When we were first married, he said, I was very happy. I would come home from a hard day at the office. My little dog would race around barking, and my wife would bring me my slippers.
Now after ten
years, everything has changed. When I come home, my dog brings me my slippers, and my wife
barks at me!DONT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT said Nasrudin.YOU ARE STILL
GETTING THE SAME SERVICE, ARE YOU NOT?
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A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
*************
A little bird was flying South for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy.
Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.
*************
A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.
The physician remarked, “Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world.”
The civil engineer interrupted, and said, “But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world.”
The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, “Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?”
*************
There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog. One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washerman was fast asleep too but the donkey and the dog were awake. The dog decided not to bark since the master… did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson. The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn’t bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly. Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.
Moral of the story ” One must not engage in duties other than his own”
*************
A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
” Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s…!” exclaimed the eager salesman.
“Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that?” asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, ” Why, madam?”
“There’s no electricity in the house…” said the lady
**********
MORAL: Gather All resources before working on any project…!!!
*************
A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own
opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read ‘BEST DEALS.’
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and
announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading ‘LOWEST PRICES.’
The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign
of all over his own shop. It read: ‘MAIN ENTRANCE’
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A beggar found 100 Rs,
He decided to have a gr8 diner,
He went to a 5 star h0tel & enj0yed the diner,
When bill came he said I have n0 m0ney,
Manager called p0lice and handed the beggar over to him,
The beggar gave 100 Rs to p0liceman and set free
This is FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT indeed!
*************
A management student/boy hugs a girl..
girl: what is this?
Boy: direct marketing.
*girl slaps the boy*
Boy:what is this?
Girl: customer feedback;-
*************
Admissions Open.
Zardari Institute Of Corruption & Management (ZICM)
Offers Degrees In,
MSc: (Masters in Social Crimes)
M.I.T: (Masters In Theft)
M.C.S: (Masters in Corruption Sciences)
*************
Management fundamental for success … :
If you don’t like
any rule , just follow it
reach the top and
then change the rule
*************
Personal Manager to New job applicant: “Why did your manager fire you?”
“Well a manager is the man who stands arround and watches others work, right? ” the young appicant replied.
“Yes, but why did he fire you?”
“He was jelous of me. A lot of workers thought i was the manager!”
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When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know.
*************
Husband to wife: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.
Husband: How does that help?
Wife: I use your toothbrush.
*************
There was a doctors that was really
anger, because I didn’t really let him
take a shot “I thought it was a gun shot
*************
Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers
for each rage leaves him less than he had been before
it takes something from him.
*************
Beautiful quote on anger:
“If u r right then there is no need to get angry” and “if u r wrong then u dont have any right to be angry”
*************
ANGER is an acid that does more harm to the vessel in which it is stored, that to anything on which it is poured.
*************
Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
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A manager is known by three measures:
The thickness of the carpet in his office.
The area of his desk.
The volume of his car’s engine.
*************
Personnel manager: “What made you leave your last job?”
Applicant: “Sickness.”
Personnel manager: “And what was the problem?”
Applicant: “My boss was sick of me!”
*************
Personal Manager to New job applicant: “Why did your manager fire you?”
“Well a manager is the man who stands arround and watches others work, right? ” the young appicant replied.
“Yes, but why did he fire you?”
“He was jelous of me. A lot of workers thought i was the manager!”
*************
Personnel Manager interviewing prospective employee: “Your application states you were at your last place for 25 years. Then what made you leave the place?”
Hoperful applicant: “I was forced to-they granted me parole!”
*************
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
*************
A little bird was flying South for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.
*************
From an investor,
on the markets :
This is Worse than
a Divorce,
I have Lost Half
of My net Worth…
…and I Still Have a Wife.!!!
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SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: You should at least send this mail to:
10 Malayalis and you will receive cokknut oil,
20 Malayalis and you will receive bennena chips,
40 Malayalis you will receive appams,
Send this to 100 Malayalis and you will get free land near the rice field behind the lungi factory with additional incentive of a whole month’s supply of cokknut oil and bennena chips free.
*************
Raju: “My name is Raju,
wen i was in delhi people call me Rajuji..”
wen i was in chennai people call me Raj..
wen i was in Andhra people call me Rajadu..
wen i was in mumbai people cal me raj bhai..
But
Wen i was in kerala,
the country fellows called
“daa rayappo.. kooii..”
bloody malayalees..
*************
Rajan P.Dev marichappol TVyil randumoonnu divasam adhehathinte Cinema, Murali marichappol adhehathinte Cinema..
Aa”Shakkeela” onnu marichirunnenkil…!
*************
FLASH NEWS ..! Trivandrum WOMENS COLLEGE bus marinj 25perku parik..!!
Bikil pokunna ‘enne’ kandu ellavarum valathu vashathek neengiyathanu apakadakaranam..
*************
Manthri prasangikkanethiyappol sadassil aarumilla. Kshubhithanaaya manthri bharavahiyodu: Njan meetingil pankedukkunna karyam ningal pathrathilonnum koduthirunnille?
Bharavaahi: sathyamaayum illa saar.. Pakshe aalukal enganeyo akkaryam manatharinjenna thonnunnathu!
*************
Thirumandanayirunnu james. Ayaal pattalathil chernnu. Ayaale train cheyyan kure kashtappettu. Oru divasam firinginayi thokku Jamesinu koduthu.
Athu thirichum marichum nokkiyittu james: Ithinte munvasam etha? Engottu thiricha vedi vakkendathu?
Trainer: Engottu thirichu vedi vachalum rajyathinu prayojanappedum!
*************
Cigarette valikkunna babuvinodu thengu kayattakkaran Gopalan: Sigarattinte valippam polumillatha nee ee cheruppathile sigarattu valikkunnoda?
Babu: Thenginte athra valippamundayittano chettan thengil kerunnathu?
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Pranayam oru mazhayanu
Akale peyyumbol kothiyakum
Arikil peyumbol kulirakum
Melle nanayumbol sukhamavum
Nananju kuthirnal veruppakum…
*************
Oru Penkuty Ninakoru Romantic msg ayachal
Avalk Ninne orupad ishtamanennu chinthikunnathinu
Pakaram Avalkaa msg aarayachu ennu chinthikuka!
*************
Pinnitta vazhikal enthum ayikkotte,
athiloode thirichu pokaruthu.
bcoz..
‘Aaa “pin” enganum kondu kaalu murinjalo!’.
*************
Oru karym Chothichotte?
allengil venda..
chothikkam alle?
chothikkatte?
Dracula Chappathi Thinnumo?
*************
Tintu Mon’u Teacher
Oru Message Aychu ‘i
miss you’.
Tintu Mon Kure Neram
Aalojichu. Ennitt
Thirichu Avan oru
Message Teacher’k
Ayachu
“I Student You”
*************
Friend: Tintoo.. Nee
Enthina Karayunnath?
Tintu Mon: Edaa Nhaan
kallu kudichath Avale
Marakkanaanu.
Friend: Aare?
Tintu Mon: Aare Ennu
Enikku Orma
Kittunnilla!
Athaa Nhaan
Karayunnath…
*************
Ramuvum damuvum mysore palace sandarsikkukayayirunnu. Ramu avide kanda oru kaserayil irunnu.
Appol ithukanda avidathe sookshippukaran: sir, dayavayi athil irikkaruthu. Athu tippu sulthantethanu
Ramu: Saaramilledo. Addeham varumpol njan eneetu kodutholam.
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Raju: “My name is Raju,
wen i was in delhi people call me Rajuji..”
wen i was in chennai people call me Raj..
wen i was in Andhra people call me Rajadu..
wen i was in mumbai people cal me raj bhai..
But
Wen i was in kerala,
the country fellows called
“daa rayappo.. kooii..”
bloody malayalees..
*************
Did U know the word “MALAYALAM” spelt back and forward is the same.
That is why we can’t figure out if they are coming or going.
*************
Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait?
He had a Mallu Baby Sitter who always used to Say “KEEP QUWAIT” “KEEP QUWAIT”
*************
What does a Malayalee do when he has to stand for the election in Delhi?
He changes his name Madhavan to M.A. DHAWAN.
What does a Malayalee do to stand for the elections in New York?
He changes his name Karunakaran to KEVIN CURREN.
*************
Why did the Malayalee buy an air-ticket?
To go to Dubai… ZIMBLY to meet his UNGLE and AUNDY in GELF.
What did the Malayalee do when the Plane caught Fire?
He JEMBED out of the VINDOW.
Why did he go to Rome?
TO hear POPE Music
*************
Who was Bruce Lee’s best friend in Malaysia?
Malaya LEE.
*************
How does a Malayalee spell the word ‘MOON’?
YUM – O another O YEN.
How does a Malayalee spell ‘Malayalam’?
YAMM – YAY – YELL – YAY – WHY – YAY – YELL – YAY – YUM.
*************
What do you call an Intelligent Mallu?
Pheno-MENON.
What d’you call Sexy looking Mallu?
Debo-NAIR .
What do you call a very rich Malayalee?
Million/Billion NAIR.
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What do you call a Maharashtrian tailor? Sadashiv.
*************
Which Maharashtrians wrote the book ‘Apartheid in South Africa?’ Dhaval Gore and Krishnakant Kale.
*************
An angry Bengali letter? Chitti-chitti Bong Bong
A talkative Bengali? Bulbul Chatterjee
An outlawed Bengali? Kanoon Banerjee
An enlightened Bengali? Jyoti Basu
A stupid Bengali girl? Balika Buddhu
A Bengali voyeur? Keyhollo
A mad Bengali? In Sen (insane)
A dark Bengali who lives in a cave? Kalidas Guha
A Bengali mobster? Robin Ganguli
A perfumed Bengali? Chandan Dass
A Bengali goldsmith? Shonar Bongla 1
*************
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class.
“In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.”
A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
*************
What did Bruce Lee say to the Maharashtrian? Tumhi Marathe, Aamhi Karate.
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DNS User: Hi, this is Rekha. I can’t get my CD out.
DNS Help Desk: Have you tried pushing the Button?
DNS User: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
DNS Help Desk: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
DNS User: No, wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry….
*************
DNS Help Desk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male DNS User: Hello… I can’t print.
DNS Help Desk: Would you click on “start” for me and…
DNS User: Listen yaar; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.
*************
DNS User: Hi, good afternoon, this is Gita, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’.
I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…
*************
DNS User: I can’t get on the Internet.
DNS Help Desk: Are you sure you used the right password?
DNS User: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
DNS Help Desk: Can you tell me what the password was?
DNS User: Five stars.
*************
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software; severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
*************
A customer and a UNIX consultant
Cust
what is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program ?
UNIX
yes, that’s correct.
Cust
no, what is it ?
UNIX
yes.
Cust
so, which is the one ?
UNIX
no.’which’ is used to find the program.
Cust
stop this. who are you ?
UNIX
use ‘who am i’ not ‘who r yoo’.you can also ‘finger yoo’ to get information about ‘yoo’.
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, “I spat in this beer, do not drink!”. After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, “So did I!”
*************
There’s this drunk standing out on the street corner, and a cop passes by, and says, “What do you think you’re doing?” The drunk says, “I heard the world goes around every 24 hours, and I’m waiting on my house. Won’t be long now, there goes my neighbor.”
*************
A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender “Hay , could I get a beer please”
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say “No, we don’t serve food here”
*************
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot.
Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot.
After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.
The bartender is curious and asks him,
“Every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket.
Why?”
The man replies, “I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home.”
*************
A drunk goes into a bar.
The bartender tosses him out as he is too drunk.
The drunk walks back into the bar.
Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk.
Again the drunk walks into the bar.
The bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says,
“How many bars do you own, anyway?”
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A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?” The guy says, “You would be drinking fast if you had what I had.” The bartender says, “What do you have?” The guy says, “75 cents.”
*************
A pony walks into a bar and says “Bartender, may I have a drink?”
Bartender says “What? I can’t hear you. Speak up!”
“May I please have a drink?”
“What? You have to speak up!”
“Could I please have a drink?”
“Now listen, if you don’t speak up I will not serve you.”
“I’m sorry, I’m just a little hoarse.”
*************
There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt. Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn’t move. So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said. “Not very strong tonight, are you Batman?”
*************
This fly goes into a bar one day, and orders a drink. The customer next to him looks at him and says to the bartender, “What’s with him?”
The bartender says, “Oh, he works in the restaurant down the street.”
The man asks the fly, “What line of work do you do?”
The fly sighs, “The waiters always put me in bowls of soup, and it’s tough on my health.”
*************
A hippopotamus walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. “That will be $7.50 please” says the bartender. So the hippo gives the bartender his money and starts to sip his beer. “You know we don’t very many hippos in here” mutters the bartender.
The hippo replies, “At these prices it’s no wonder!”
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One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.” So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: “That will be $36.50 please.” The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. “What, no drink for me?” replies the bartender. “Oh, no. You get violent when you drink.”
*************
A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.
As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him.
The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman.”
*************
The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, “What do you have in there, pal?”
“A mongoose.”
“What for?”
“Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I’m scared to death of snakes. That’s why I got this mongoose, for protection.”
“But,” the friend said, “you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes.”
“That’s okay,” said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, “So is the mongoose.”
*************
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, “Dang, why are you drinking so fast?” The guy says, “You would be drinking fast if you had what I had.” The bartender says, “What do you have?” The guy says, “75 cents.”
*************
A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. The man walks up to the counter, and says to the bartender, “I bet you $1,000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away, and not get any outside the glass.”
The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his $1,000, so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn’t even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, “Well, I guess you owe me $1,000, huh?”
The man answers, “Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar.”
*************
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. “I’ll bet you $10 he’ll jump,” said the first guy. “Bet you $10 he won’t,” said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.
“I can’t take your money,” said the first guy. “I cheated you. The same story was on the five o’clock news.” “No, no. Take it,” said the second guy. “I saw the five o’clock news too. I just didn’t think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!”
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MAji,ye abi tak nhi aye, kahi kisi ladki k sath?
Sas:kalmuhi,tu hmesha ulta q sochti he?
Aisa b to ho skta he ki kisi truck k niche AAgya ho
*************
I know you think I am cute,
I know you think I am fine,
But like the other guys,
Take a number and wait in line.
*************
HARD-DISK woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
INTERNET woman:
Difficult to access.
SERVER woman:
Always busy when you need her.
CD-ROM woman:
She is always faster and faster.
EMAIL woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS woman:
Also called “wife”; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don’t try to uninstall her you will lose everything…………
*************
Jeeto: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
Preeto: Because those men already have boyfriends.
*************
Q: Why were hurricanes normally named after women?
A: Because when they come, they’re wild and wet.
But when they go, they take your house and car with them.
*************
Thought i’d remind u today just incase it slipped out ur mind!Happy Women’s Day!
*************
Girls’ Language : Stupid (U R Smart) Idiot (U R Luking Cute) Shut Up (I Love U) I’ll Kill U (I’ll Die 4 U) Good Night (Everyone Is Slept U Can Call Me Now …) Frwrd Girls To Laugh N Boys To Understand …
*************
A Girl Is Much More Than She Seems Not A Toy By Any Means. Underneath That Make-Up And Hair There’s A Sign That Says: Handle With Care.
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If you don’t understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.
*************
Having a sister is like having a best friend you can’t get rid of. You know whatever you do, they’ll still be there.
*************
Big brother: That planet up there is Mars.
Little sister: Then that other one must be Pa’s.
*************
Aati Thi Jaathi Thi
Hansti Thi, hansati thi
Bhagati Thi, Bhagaati Thi
Bolti Thi, Bulwati Thi
Per aaj pata chala ki
vah mujhe BHAI DOOJ WISH karna chahati thi
*************
Peter: My brother wants to work badly!Anita: As I remember, he usually does !
*************
First Boy: Why is your brother always flying off the handle ?
Second Boy: Because he’s got a screw loose
*************
A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. Well, said the Scout. Mum had only one dose of castor oil left, so I let my baby brother have it.
*************
Little Brother: I’m going to buy a sea horse. Big Brother: Why? Little Brother: Because I want to play water polo!
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A man dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates.
St. Peter says, “Here’s how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you’ve done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in.”
“Okay” the man says, “I attended church every Sunday”
“That’s good, says St. Peter, ” that’s worth two points”
“Two points?” he says. “Well, I gave 10% of all my earnings to the church”
“Well, let’s see,” answers Peter, “that’s worth another 2 points. Did you do anything else?”
“Two points? Golly. How about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans.”
“Fantastic, that’s certainly worth a point, ” he says.
“hmmm…,” the man says, “I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart.”
“That’s wonderful,” says St. Peter, “that’s worth three points!”
“THREE POINTS!!” the man cries, “At this rate the only way I get into heaven is by the grace of God!”
“Come on in!”
*************
Going over our church finances I found a receipt from a local paint store signed by someone named Christian. I wasn’t aware of anyone buying paint, so I called the store to point out its mistake.
“I’m sorry,” I told the manager, “but there are no Christians here at First Baptist Church.”
*************
It was Palm Sunday but because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm fronds. Johnny asked them what they were for.
“People held them over Jesus’ head as he walked by,” his father told him.
“Wouldn’t you know it,” Johnny fumed, “the one Sunday I don’t go and he shows up.”
*************
A man is laying on his death bed. He wants to take all his possessions with him. So he tells his wife and relatives to place all his possessions on the roof, telling them he would grab them on the way to heaven. The man dies. A few days later his wife and relatives see that his possessions are still on the roof. “I knew we should have put his stuff in the basement.” says his wife.
*************
What did Noah use to see the animals in the ark at night?
FLOOD lights!!!!!!!
*************
A mother went to wake her son for church one Sunday morning. When she knocked on his door, he said, “I’m not going!”
“Why not?” asked his mother.
“I’ll give you two good reasons,” he said. “One, they don’t like me. Two, I don’t like them.”
His mother replied, “I’ll give you two good reasons why YOU WILL go to church. One, you’re 47 years old. Two, you’re the pastor!”
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The real value of infinity is known when
we open the 1st page of our text book on the night
before exam see the no. of pages to be read !!
*************
In Life,
Future is a Question Paper,
Past is a News Paper
&
Present is an Answer Sheet.!
So, Read, Learn
&
Write Carefully
*************
Exams are like Girl friends
- Too many questions
- Difficult to understand
- More explanation is needed
- Result is always fail!
*************
To accomplish great things,
We must not only act,
But also dream,
Not only plan but also believe,
Best wishes for your exam
*************
Behind every successful student,
there is one Girlfriend
But what about a failed student..??
?
?
?
?
?
?
*************
Newton’s Law of Studentology! .
“Every Book continues to be in
it’s State of Rest or covered with Dust,
until n unless a mid-term or
final exam Appears.”
HaPpY ExaMz
*************
Pre-Engineering wale marty nahi,
zinda dafnay jate hain
.
.
her ek paper mein buri tarha tarpai jate hain
.
.
koi khol k tu dekhte kafan ko un k
.
.
Qabar mein bhi 5 yearz solve karte pai jate hain
*************
Atif Aslam Live In An Exam
Kuch Is Tarah…
Teri Copy, Meri Copy Se Miladay,
Answer Teray…Saaray Mujhay Paper Pe Chapa Day,
Tu Her Ghari Her Waqt Sir K Sath Raha Hai,
Han Yeh Jism Bloody Fool Abhi Kaanp Raha Hai,
Jo Solution Hain Ye Teray…Unhain Tu Mera Pata Dey!
Kuch Is tarhan Tera Paper Mere Paper se Milade
*************
A father asks peon: How are the studies in this college?
Where do I see my son in future?
Peon: The future is bright, I had also completed my engineering from the same college
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Our lives are always so hectic wid little time to spare, but days get brighter wen u get an SMS from some 1 saying “Stupid I Still Care”….!
*************
A little tune can make you sing,
A little hug can make you feel better
Some little things can make you happy.
I hope that my little disturbance will make you smile.
*************
Y do i txt u?
It’s my choice.
It’s my way f saying i rmmbr u.
Y do i rmmbr u?
It’s my choice.
It proves dat i care.
Y do i care?
Dnt knw.
It’s not my choice.
It’s my heart’s.
*************
Let the most beautiful
dream come to u tonight,
Let the sweetest person
come in ur dream tonight….
But dont make it a habit
bcoz I m not free every night
*************
Msg:Loving N Caring
Contacts:Very Talkative N Bold
Gallary:Romantic N Deep Thinker
Media:Social N Fashionable
Apps:Boring N Selfish
Setting:Kanjus N Irritating
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A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”
“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”
“But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding… He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”
“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”
*************
Police Wala Apne Bache Se: Beta Tumhara Result Acha Nahi Aya Aj Se Tumhara Khelna T.V Dekhna Band. Bacha: Ye 50 Rs Pakro Or Is Bat Ko Yahien Daba Do. Ha…
*************
Main Ne Jo Apni Girl Friend Ko Kaha
Kay PARDAY Mein Raha Karo Jaan.
Us Ne Police Ko Keh Diya
My Boy Friend Iz Taalibaan.
*************
Charsi Qabristan Me Churs P Rha Tha. Police: Kya Kr Rhe Ho ? Chrsi: Abu K Lia Dua. Police: Ye To Bache Ki Qabr Hy. Chrsi: Abu Bachpan Me Hi Mrgye..
*************
Police:
Tumhe Kal Subah 5 Baje Phansi Di Jayegi
Sardar:
Ha Ha Ha!!
Police:
Kyon Hans Rahe Ho?
Sardar:
Main To Subah 8 Baje Uthta Hun!
*************
A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”
The woman answered “Well, I have contacts.”
The policeman replied “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”
*************
“When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.”
“You’re wrong, officer, it’s only my hat that makes me look that old.”
*************
A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate. “I’ve got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?”
“I should let you know first that I am a policeman.”
“That’s OK. I’ll tell it really slow!”
*************
A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident – body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: “Head on bullevard” and scratch’s out his spelling error. “Head on bouelevard” Nope, doesn’t look right – scratch scratch. “Head on boolevard…” dang it! Scratch scratch. He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. “Head on curb.”
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Your mama’s so poor, when I walked in and asked “Whats for Dinner?” She pulled out a shotgun and said “Next person that moves!”
*************
Your momma’s so dumb the computer said press any key to continue and she was looking for the any key
*************
Your momma’s so dumb she heard someone say it was chilli outside so she ran and grabbed a bowl
*************
Your mama is so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
*************
Your mama is so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago..
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ravi:it is so wrong that i said to the doctor that i am a tailor
somu:why what happened?
ravi:after the operation he said me to put stiches
*************
intersting cricketer’s names
mahendra singh 2ni
100rav ganguly
sachin 10dulkar
vvs 1,00,000man
mun1/2 patel!!!!!
*************
It takes patience to keep a nagging wife; fortune to keep an ambitious wife; four eyes to keep a pretty wife.
*************
Gud Morning! Aap ye soch rahe honge ki Raat ko Gud Morning kaise? Simple! Phone mera, Paise mere, Msg mera, toh marzi bhi meri! Jo marzi aayega wo bhejunga.
*************
Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you
is a maniac?
*************
Did u feel da taste of ginger?
No?
Sure?
Well…..
BANDAR KYA JAANE ADRAK KA SWAAD!!
*************
When I was born
Devil said…Oh Shit!!!
Another GOOD PERSON!!!..
&
When u were born devil said …
Oh Shit!!!!Competition…!!! ….
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Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: On the back she saw “911? and thought it was a Porsche.
*************
One day two blondes walk into a perfume shop. The one blonde picks up a bottle of perfume that is titled “Viens Chez Moi.”
The blonde asks the manager what it means, and the manager says it means, “Come to Me.”
So the blonde smells the perfume and asks her friend, “Does this smell like come to you? Because it doesn’t smell like come to me.”
*************
There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field. She was in a boat rowing, with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you’re doing? It’s things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I’d come out there and kick you!”
*************
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don’t have to retrain them on Monday.
*************
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don’t. They’re born that way.
*************
Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her months to figure out she could use it at night
*************
Two blondes were driving to Tokyo Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, “Tokyo Disneyland Left”, so they turned around and went home
*************
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
*************
Q: Why do blondes love lightning?
A: They think somebody is taking their photo.
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Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don’t know, they haven’t taught us how to read yet!
*************
Teacher: Class, we will have only half days school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon
*************
Student
: The brain is a wonder full thing
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Student: Because it starts working
the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
*************
Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home
Student: I can’t, I live just round the corner!
*************
Teacher: Shamu, go to the map and find North America.
Shamu: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, Ramu, who discovered America?
Ramu: Shamu!
*************
Teacher: Ramu, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did u copy his?
Ramu: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!
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teacher ask a Q—– Who was the first Indian woman to fly abroad.
kid’s say’s unaware ——-Sita went to Lanka.
*************
After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car. “What’s the matter Johnny?” asked his concerned mother. Johnny replied: “that man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home…I just want her to stay with you guys.”
*************
Mother : ‘What are you writing Ram?’
Ram : ‘I’m writing a Letter to Baby Sham’
Mother : ‘But you don’t know to write!’
Ram : ‘So What?, Anyway Sham don’t know to read, That’s why’.
*************
A woman was at the beach with her children when her four-year-old son ran up, grabbed her hand and led her to the shore
where a sea gull lay dead in the sand. ‘Mommy, what happened to him?’ the boy asked. ‘He died and went to heaven,’
she replied. The boy thought for a moment and then said, ‘And God threw him back down?’
*************
One summer evening a young son came in while his parents were setting the table for supper. Quite surprisingly, he asked if he could help.
His mother said, ‘No, but I appreciate your asking.’
The child responded, ‘Well, I appreciate your saying no.’
*************
A little girl got on her grandpa’s lap and said, ‘Did God make me?’
‘Yes,’ the grandpa replied.
‘Did God make you too?’
‘Yes,’ the grandpa said.
‘Well,’ the little girl said, while running her fingers down his wrinkles and looking at his thinning hair, ‘He sure is doing a better job nowadays!’
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Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Kids: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Kids: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai (& jumps into a well.)
Kids: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi?
*************
ek bachcha apni maa se pitne ke baad ghar ke bahar baitha tha,
Papa ne puchha to bacha bola, Papa tumhari biwi ke saath ab mera guzara nahi ho sakta hai
Mujhe meri biwi chahiye
*************
frist kids;
Tum”Aaine Me Ankhen Band
Karke
Kya Dekh Rahe Ho_?
second kids;
Mai Ye”Dekhna Chahta Hu Ki
> Mai
Sote Hue”KaiSa Lagata_Hu_?”
*************
Beta : 500 Rs Do na.
Papa : Kya Karega ?
Beta : Mere Sare Friends Ka A/C Hai,
Mai Bhi Khulwaunga.
Papa : Very Good. Kaha Pe ?
Beta : Cigrate Ki Dukan Par.
*************
Kid- Dr. mujhe aisa Lagta he ki mere kaan me koi gunguna raha he..
Dr- Tumhe aisa kab lagta he..?
Kid- Jab mai kaan me walkman sunta hu…
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Kid (phone par): Madam, mera beta aaj school nahi aaygea?
Madam: Aap kon bol rahe ho?
Funny Kid: Mere papa bol rahe hain.
*************
kids ka ek sawal—- Ik aadmi ki 6 fingers thi.
Log usko Santa kehte the…
batao kyon?
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Kyonki uska naam Santa tha.
*************
Ek 10 saal ka kid bohot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: “Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare”.
Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.
Funny Kid: Mein yeh dekhna chahta hun ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.
*************
teacher ask a Q—– Who was the first Indian woman to fly abroad.
kid’s say’s una
ware ——-Sita went to Lanka.
*************
Napoleon: There is no such word as ‘Impossible’ in my dictionary.
Funny Kids: Tum ne dictionary dekh ke nahi kharidi thi na…!
*************
In a football match.
Kids: Ye log ball ko pair kyun maar rahe ne?
Sardar Ji: Goal kare he liye.
Kids: Par ball to pehlan hi gol hai, aur kitni gol karengey ?
*************
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Kids: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Kids: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai (& jumps into a well.)
Kids: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi?
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Q. Why did the silly kid stand on his head?
A. His feet were tired!
*************
Ek kids dusre kids se: “Kya, tumne jhoot pakarne wali machine dekhi hai?
Doosra kids: Deki nahi mere ghar mein hai! Are mere papa kahate he unhone usse shadi ki hai.”
*************
Banega Crorepati Mein ak kids se sawal pucha:
Q: What is you father name?
kids: Plz Options?
A. Dilawar
B. Changez
C. Feroz
D. Sultan
*************
Ek bar ek bachcha samosa ke bich ke aalu ko kha raha tha aur bahar ke hisse ko phek raha tha.
Dushra bachche ne usse poochta hai ke tum samose ke sirf aalu ko kyun kha rahe hoo?
Pehla: Doctor ne mujhe bahar ke chejo ko khane se mana kiya hai.
*************
Kid (phone par): Madam, mera beta aaj school nahi aaygea?
Madam: Aap kon bol rahe ho?
Funny Kid: Mere papa bol rahe hain.
*************
ek bachcha apni maa se pitne ke baad ghar ke bahar baitha tha,
Papa ne puchha to bacha bola, Papa tumhari biwi ke saath ab mera guzara nahi ho sakta hai
Mujhe meri biwi chahiye
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
A student asked a teacher (while collecting homeworks):
Student: is teacher earning money ?
Teacher: Yes, of course!
Student: geeeez! We do the hard work and the teacher gets the money ?!
*************
Teacher to a student (who was late for a class at a boys school): Why are you late again ?!
Little boy answered: It was because a sign down the road sir.
Teacher asked: What has a sign got to do with your late?!!!
Little boy replied: The sign said school ahead go very slow
*************
Kbbi Sochta Ho Aj Parho Ga
Kbhi Sochta Hn Kal Parho Ga
Phr Sochta Ho Jb Exam Aengy Tb Parho Ga
Aur
Jb Exam Aaty Han To Khta Hun
Ab Kya khak Parhon Ga..
*************
Mountain Dew Peene Se Urr Jata Hai Fear
Waah ! Waah !
Mountain Dew Peene Se Ur Jata Hai Fear
.
.
.
Exams Are Near And Our Basic Concepts Are Not Clear
*************
Ek hi colour ka dress pehn kr hum sb lgte they kitne ache
School lgta tha poultry farm
Aur hum sb murghi k bachay
Mjhko smjh na aya aj tak teacher ka ye funda..
Humein bana deti thi murgha or khud copy pe deti thi anda..
*************
Teacher: Ohm’s law sunao.
student: Pura tu nae aata bs akhir se aata hai. . .
Teacher: Chalo shabash woe suna do.
Student: “That is called Ohm’s Law” :
*************
Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, Potatos cost 3/- kg, What is my age?
Student: 32 years
Teacher: How Do you Know?
Student: My Sister is 16 years old and she is half mad???
*************
Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly,
do you say prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don’t have to,
my Mom is a good cook.
*************
Height Of Attitude
Teacher: Why R U Talking During My Lesson?
Student: Why R U Teaching During My Conversation..!!
Panga Iz N0t Changa Wid Da Students
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”
“And did he?”
“Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.”
*************
A woman, calling Mount Sinai Hospital, said, “Hello, I want to know if a patient is getting better.”
The voice on the other end of the line said, “What is the patient’s name and room number?”
She said, “Yes, darling! She’s Sarah Finkel, in Room 302.”
He said, “Oh, yes. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she’s had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she’s going to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday.”
The woman said, “Thank God! That’s wonderful! Oh! That’s fantastic! That’s wonderful news!”
The man on the phone said, “From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be a close family member or a very close friend!”
She said, “I’m Sarah Finkel in 302! Cohen, my doctor, doesn’t tell me a word!”
*************
An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death’s door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep walking him.
After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and we had been lucky to get him in time. “But doctor, you don’t understand,” they said, “Dad hasn’t walked in over a year!”
*************
A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: “Hey look, I’m a vet — I don’t need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what’s wrong just by looking. Why can’t you?”
The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, “There you are. Of course, if that doesn’t work, we’ll have to have you put down.”
*************
A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him “How are you feeling?” The man replies “Not BAAAAD!”
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The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: “I’m afraid we’re going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.”
“Well, if it’s just because of them, I’d rather pay for them if you just leave me alone.”
*************
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That’s terrible! WHAT could be WORSE? What’s the very bad news?
Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
*************
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
“Where are you hurting?” asked the doctor.
“You have to help me, I hurt all over”, said the woman.
“What do you mean, all over?” asked the doctor, “be a little more specific.”
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Owe, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.” Then she touched her right earlobe, “Ouch, even THAT hurts”, she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis; “You have a broken finger.”
*************
Patient to the eye doctor: “Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain.”
Doctor:”Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before drinking.”
*************
Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor: Didn’t the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.
*************
“Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade.”
“Don’t panic, I’m coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?”
“Yea, I shaved with the electric razor.”
*************
“Doctor, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia? I’ve heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus.”
“Don’t worry, it won’t happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia.”
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Teri maa di,
Teri phen di,
Tere Pyo di,
Tere chachi di,
Tere Poore Khandaan di,
Tey meri vi,
Tuu Jaan hain..
*************
++Read in++ Punjabi- Dil v 13, 80 v tere. Hor 10, ki haal ae 13? Yara dosta 9, aenj nai 27 da. Ok g, ijazat 2. 32 Bujhao, te 100 Jao.
*************
Ek waari ek baba bus wich ek kuri nu jappi pa lenda h..
Kuri kehendi h wat r u doing..?
Baba kehnda h “kismat de naal milda kamliye pyaar buzurga da..’
*************
If you are in ‘LOVE’ Press-Down
Thehar ja.
Teri ammi nu dassaa..!!
Barri pyaar di agg laggi ae…….
*************
yaar ruse tab rub russe,
yaar phir russe tho phir main mar jawa,
je yaar phir russe te,
chittar maro salle da roz da ehi drama hai
*************
Husband : suit bara sohna paya ay
Wife : thx g
Husband : lipstick bhi sohni lagai ay
Wife : thx g
Husband : Makeup vi sohna kitta ay
Wife : thx g
Husband : sohni fir vi nahi lagdi
*************
1 Var Ymraj Miss Pooja Nu lain aya. Miss Puja Kehndi Main ni Aauna, Yamraj Kehnda Kyo? Miss Pooja Kehndi Ve Main ni Aauna je na aya lain SAFARI te……
*************
History teacher asked Sardar: Name kalidas’s brother who was a shoemaker.
Sardar: Adidas
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JOKES.
A Bihari rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his motorcycle had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
“Which one of you guys stole my motorcycle?!” he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
“Alright, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my motorcycle ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Patna! And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in Patna!”
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his motorcycle has been returned …
He started his motorcycle and was about to leave. The bartender yanked out of the bar and asked, “Arey bhai, before you go… What happened in Patna?”
The Bihari turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”
*************
A Bihari went to New Delhi for the first time in his life. He went there during the time of Asiad and was zapped to see all these new stadiums, newly constructed roads, flyovers etc etc. The poor fellow hadn’t seen all this ever before. So when he came back to Aligarh people asked him as to how did he likeDelhi, he was too excited and said : yaar delhi to buhat top ka laga, pura delhi chamak chamak raha tha, sab kuch jagmaga raha tha, sab shine maar raha tha lekin yaar ek cheez hum understand nahin kar paye, yeh itta barka barka speed breaker kahe ko bana diya hai (he couldn’t figure out what is a flyover)
*************
Bihar Engineering College Entrance Exam Instructions..
2) Answer all questions.
3) Time Limit 3 weeks.
4) Begin immediately.
*************
A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop.
Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke.
Now, the Bihari thinks he’s in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to ‘sardars’ in his joke with ‘Biharis’.
He starts the jokes with, “There was once a Bihari…” And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, “Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?
*************
A Bihari after coming back from a three hour long class says:
Saala pura body headache maar raha hai
*************
A Bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets,Do tho
ticket dena, the person at the window tells him that there is a house
full, so this Bihari says koi baat nahin do house full de do.
*************
A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked for one Wills: Bhai ek
Will dena, so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is
no brand by the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted
and said I want one Will, so the person told him unless you say it
correctly i.e Wills I won’t sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad
and said “Hum ek hi to maang rahen hain pura packet to nahin maang
rahen hain”.
*************
Two Biharis
talking to each other, “Aaj Mother teresa aa rahen hai Kennedy
Auditorium mein saam ko aap chalenge na , hum aap ko 5.30 p.m sharp
pe lene aienge, so this fellow didn’t know who is Mother Teresa and
replied back,” nahin bhai aap hi chale jaiye hum Englis film nahin
dekhte hain.
*************
There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets, so when
the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and
so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets , this fellow
answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them, so the
T.T.E said what if you lose both of them, so this guy said then why
do I have a monthly pass.
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A Bihari after coming back from a three hour long class says:
Saala pura body headache maar raha hai
*************
A Bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets,Do tho
ticket dena, the person at the window tells him that there is a house
full, so this Bihari says koi baat nahin do house full de do
*************
A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop.
Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke.
Now, the Bihari thinks he’s in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to ‘sardars’ in his joke with ‘Biharis’.
He starts the jokes with, “There was once a Bihari…” And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, “Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?
*************
A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked for one Wills: Bhai ek
Will dena, so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is
no brand by the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted
and said I want one Will, so the person told him unless you say it
correctly i.e Wills I won’t sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad
and said “Hum ek hi to maang rahen hain pura packet to nahin maang
rahen hain”.
*************
A Bihari after coming back from a three hour long class says:
Saala pura body headache maar raha hai
*************
There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets, so when
the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and
so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets , this fellow
answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them, so the
T.T.E said what if you lose both of them, so this guy said then why
do I have a monthly pass.
*************
Two Biharis
talking to each other, “Aaj Mother teresa aa rahen hai Kennedy
Auditorium mein saam ko aap chalenge na , hum aap ko 5.30 p.m sharp
pe lene aienge, so this fellow didn’t know who is Mother Teresa and
replied back,” nahin bhai aap hi chale jaiye hum Englis film nahin
dekhte hain.
*************
Question: Why are residents of Jharkhand happy?
Answer: Because, from now onwards they won’t be called Biharis…
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Wife:”Tum Mujh Se Kitna Pyar Karte Ho?”
Husband:”Shahjahan Jitna.”
Wife:”Mere Marnay Ke Baad TAJ MAHAL Banao Gay?”
Husband:”Main Nein To Plot Bhi Le Liya Hai,DELAY To Tum Kar Rahi Ho!!!”
*************
Sardar : goes to police station and complains to police… Koi mujhe phone pe dhamkatha hai.
Police : kon phone karke dhamkatha hai.
Sardar :Airtel wale bolthe hai Bill nahi bhara tho “KAAT DENGE
*************
EK CHOTA SARDAR APNI PRAGNANT MUMMY SE POCHTA HAIN K IS MEIN KIYA HAIN,, MUMMY BOLTI HAIN,IS
MEIN PYARA BABY HAIN,SARDAR,PIYARA THAA To AP KHAAA Q GAEY,
*************
2 Ghadhe{donky}apas main bateen kar rahe thay.1st yar mera malik bohat zalim hay.bohat marta hay kaam
b zyada leta hay.2ndto tum bhag jao na is ko chood ke.1st yar bhag to jaon per ik waja se ruka hoon.mera
malik jab b apni BETI se ladayi karta hay na.to us ko ye kehta hy ke beti tum sudher jao warna main ney teri
shadi GADHE se kar deni hay..
*************
Boy:Tote hue dil se pyar karogi ya dil tutne tak pyar karogi???(
Girl:Tuti hui chapal se pite ga ya chapal tutne tak pitey ga??
*************
Survey Subject:In how many days a 1000 pgs book cn b read.(
Writer-6months, Doctor-2mnths, Lawyer-1month, STUDENT-ON THE NIGHT B4 THE EXAM.
*************
A sardarji Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse.He writes a love letter to the Nurse :- I Love U sister
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Anath Ashram Manager to Bania:
Sethji, aap hamare anath ashram ke liye kya kar sakte ho ?
Funny Bania: Mein anath ashram mein apne 4 bachhe bhej sakta hu.
*************
Teacher: Agar dharti pe pani na hota to kya hona tha.
Bania ka beta: Hum to kangaal ho jate. Mera bapu milk me kya milata?
*************
Train mein ik mosquito Funny Chinese ke sir pe aa baitha. Vo us ko pakar ke kha gaya.
Fir ik matchar Bania pe baitha. Us ne pakar ke Chinese ko poocha “khareedoge kya
*************
Bania’s Son: Papaji bahar Swimming pool k liye chanda mang rahe he..
Kanjoos Bania: Koi baat nahi Beta, Ek lota paani de de.
*************
Teacher: Tumhare papa 500 rupees loan lete hain. 10% interest ke hisab se voh 1 saal bad loan vapis karte hain. Batao kitne paise vapis karenge?
Bania’s son: Kutch bhi nahi.
Teacher: Tum maths nahi jante.
Bania’s funny son: Me to maths janta hu, par aap mere papa ko nahi jante.
*************
Bania’s son: Daddy meri dur ki nazar kharab hai SPECKS banva do.
Kanjoos Bania took him outside & said: Voh dekh kya hai?
Son: Suraj
Kanjoos Bania: Abbe ullu ke patthe, aur kitni dur tak dekhna chahe hai tu.
*************
Sardar to Bania friend: Main apna purse
ghar bhool aaya, mujhe 1000 Rs chahiye.
Funny Kanjoos Bania: Dost hi to dost ke kam aata hai. Yeh lo Rs.10 . Riksha karle ghar jao aur apna purse le aao
*************
Baniya on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, I’m here
My sons daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Baniya:To phir brabar wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay ?
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Ek Haryanvi apni khoobsurat bivi k saath car mein baith ke honeymoon pe ja raha tha.
Driver ne sheesha set kiya.
Haryanvi gusse mein bola: Meri bivi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaunga!
*************
Ik Haryanvi Police Inspector ke ghar chori ho rahi thi.
Wife: Utho ji, ghar me chori ho rahi hai.
Police Inspector: Mujhe sone de, main is time duty par nahi hun.
*************
Ik Haryanvi Tau thand lagne se kamp raha tha. Uska chhore ne doctor ko phone kiya.
Doctor: Kya hua?
Funny Haryanvi Chhora: Bimari ka to pata nahin par bapu subha se vibration mode pe laga hai.
*************
Ek Haryanvi girl ped pe chadi. Upar baithey Monkey ne poocha: Upar kyon aayi ho?
Ek Haryanvi: Apple khane.
Monkey: Par, yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Ek Haryanvig grill: Pata hai, Apple saath laayi hoon.
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1 chora raste me jandi hoyi chori te bhujan lagya,
tu mne jane hai?
Chori:na,kun hai tu?
Chora: me oye hun, jo tne 2 din pehlan bhi nhi pichana tha.
*************
Lugai: Tu mne kitna chave hai?
Appu:Shahjahan jitna.
Lugai:fer tu maran pache Taj Mahal banvavega?
Appu:Haan mne Plot toh le rakhya hai,
bus tere maran ki bat dekhun hun.
*************
Nurse:mubarak ho thare ghar chora hoya h.
Appu: k technology aa gi,
lugai meri hospital me ar chor ghar me.
*************
Babu:beta apne birthday pe k gift lvega?
Chora: Babu jada nhi bus 1 radio
.
.
.
.
.
car me band ho.
*************
Appu: aachi khabar h, ar bhundi.
Pappu:k?
Appu: Achi ya k meri lugai ka accident ho gya,
ar bhundi ya k wa bach gi.
*************
Appu:o bhai mne dekhya k meri lugai kise ,
or gel film dekhan jave thi.
Pappu:fer tne unka picha kara k?
Appu:na mne wa film pehla e dekh rakhi thi.
*************
Master:kunsi book thamne jyada madad kare h?
Appu :Mere babu ki Cheque book.
*************
Master:balko btao bijli kit te ave hai,
Appu:MAMA ke ghar te.
Master:kukar?
Appu: jib bhi bijli jave hai,
mera babu kahve h, salya ne fer kat di.
*************
Appu:chori fasani ave hai?
Pappu:na?
Appu: ek kagaj ka jahaj bna,
jib master ave toh usne class me uda diye,
Master bhuje toh us chori ka nam le diye,
fas gi chori
*************
Dada:pote ja ander te mere dand liya.
Pota:dada ibe roti bni koni.
Dada:aare pote roti kisne khani hai,
semi ali budhi te smile deni hai.
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Ek tau bus conductor se boojhan lagya, “Re bhai manne Rohtak jana, ya bus kitt jaegi?”
O bolya, “Dilli jagi”.
Tau pher bolya, “Per is board pe to Rohtak likh rakhya se.”
Conductor bolya, “Tau nu kar, tu isse board pe baeth ke bug ja pher.”
*************
Ek jat doosre jat sey,
“Arre tanney bera ke Hanuman bhi jat tha?”
Doosra bolya, ” Tanne kyunkar bera patya?”
Pehley alla bolya,
“Lugai to ram ki kho gayi thi aur aag Hanuman ne apni poonch mein lagwa li! Jat ke bagair aur koi issa kam kar sakk hai?”
*************
Ek shehri babu ek gaon ke mollad se rasta bujhan lagya.
Mollad bolya, “Nu kar tu yahan te khabhe ne ho liye aur aage jakke sajje ne.”
Babu bolya, “Bhai sahab mein ap se aap aap karkey baat kar raha hun aur aap mujjey tu tu bool rahey ho.
Mollad bollya, “Pher ke tanne bapu bolun?”
*************
Ek bhai saadi te bahut dara kare thaa. Ek bai gaam mein thanedar aaga us din us bhai ki bhans kise ki juwar kha gi. Ghana ulahana aa ya. To uske ghar wale bole, “Thanedar sahab isne dara ke ne saadi tahi tyar kara do yo saadi te bahut dare se.”
Thanedar ne us bhai ko dara dhamka ke bola, “Teri yehi saza hai ke tere ko saadi karni padegi.”
Bhai usne darte ne saadi ki haan kar li. Saadi mein jab dulhan ko uske paas laya gaya to wo bola, “E bebe teri bhans ne bhi kise ki juwar kha li thee ke?
*************
teacher: kaal kyo koni aayo re… (you were absent yesterday)
student: kutio khaygio… (dog bite me.)
teacher: dikha. (to legs)
student: dekho… (please)
teacher: ghaav ro koi nisan to koni.. (there is no hack in legs)
student: kutio “BOKLHO” ho. (dog has no teeths)
*************
Mr. Potta or uski wife pahli bar India aye. Itifak se unhe guide bhi Mila Jamla Jatt.
Agra ki galiyo mai ghumte ghumte, Mr. Potta ko ek bhains najar ayi. Mr. Potta ek dam
herani se puchhne lage, what is this?
Jamla jatt: This is Bhains.
Mr. Potta : Bhains………! Never seen, never heard.
Jamla jatt : Oh! I…I….samjhau….., (Mrs. Potta ki taraf ishara karke) See this is
Potte ke wife, and that is Jhotte ki wife.
*************
One haryanvi jatt order chicken in hotel……when cook start cutting onion 4 this……….
jatt said:-pyaz mat dalna navratre chal rahe hain…….
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Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse.
Take one of these every 4 laps!
Doctor, doctor my sister here keeps thinking she’s invisible!
What sister?
*************
Doctor, Doctor I’m on a diet and it’s making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off.
Oh dear, that’s a lot of calories!
*************
kids Patient:
It Must Be Tough Spending All Day
With Your Hands In Someone’s Mouth.
Dentist:
I Just Think Of It
As Having My Hands In Their Wallet.
*************
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
*************
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
tuba.
tuba who?
tuba toothpaste.
*************
The Dentist To The Little Kid …
”What Kind Of Filling Would You Like For Your Tooth ? ”
”Choclate, Please,”…
Kid Replies Innocently..
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A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth. Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do? Dentist: Wear a brown tie!
*************
I came in to make an appointment with the dentist. said the man to the receptionist. “I m sorry sir.” she replied. “He’s out right now, but…” “Thank you,” interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. “When will he be out again ?
*************
Patient: “It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone’s mouth.” Dentist: “I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.
*************
A Doctor asks his patient, “Do you like to drink, smoke, and play around with women?”
“Yes,” replies the patient.
“You should abstain.” Says the Doc. “And do you like eat steak chips?”
“Yes,” says the patient.
“You should cut back and only do it with moderation,” says the doc.
“If I do all that will I live longer?” asks the patient.
“Nope,” replies the doc “but it’ll seem a lot longer.”
*************
What does the dentist of the year get?…A little plaque.
*************
Why did the dentist make a poor date with the manicurist? Because they fought both tooth and nail!
*************
How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to administer the anaesthetic, one to extract the light bulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash.
*************
Monster: Doctor, doctor, I m a blood-sucking monster and I keep needing to eat doctors. Doctor: Oh what a shame. I m a dentist.
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A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. “I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want Novocaine because I’m in a big hurry,” the woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.” The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?” The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.”
*************
Patient: “It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone’s mouth.”
Dentist: “I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.”
*************
If Dentists Make Films,
The Names Will Be.
*Daant Ho Na Ho
*Jaanam Brush Karo
*Aa ab Clean Karen
*Kabhi Teeth Kabhi Gum
*Humara Daant Aapke Paas Hai! :-
*************
First Friend: Do you know how does a dentist swear in coart?
Second Friend: How could I know? I am not a dentist.
First Friend: “The tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth!!
*************
ChiLd 2 Dentist Doctor..
Kya Dard K Bgair B Daant Nikalay ja sAktay Hain?
Dentist:Nahi
ChiLd: Agr Me NikaL doOn?
Dentist: NikaLo.
ChILd: He he he he
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Research ke mutabiq larkian larkon se zyada mehnati hoti hai
Aapko pata hai kaise??
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-
-
-
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Nahi pata
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-
Main bata deta hoon aapko
-
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Kyun ki
-
-
-
-
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–
-
-
-
-
-
100 mein se 10
Larkia’n naturally
khoobsurat hoti hai
-
-
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Aur baki
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-
Apni Mehnat se…-
*************
Beta : 500 Rs Do na.
Papa : Kya Karega ?
Beta : Mere Sare Collej Friends Ka A/C Hai,
Mai Bhi Khulwaunga.
Papa : Very Good. Kaha Pe ?
Beta : Cigrate Ki Dukan Par.
*************
Collej Girl says:
Na dekh Hasino ko Azab Hoga,
Tu B ek din kisi Hasina ka Baap Hoga
Collej Boy says:
Khuda kary teri zuban suchi ho
Muje Papa kehne wali teri hi bachi ho
*************
Sonu apne Collej friend se-Tune Uss Ladki K Liye Cigratte Chhodi
Monu-Ha
Sonu-Daru
Monu-Ha
Sönu-To Shadi Q Nahi Ki
Monu-Itna Sudhar Gaya Tha Ki
Uss Se B Achi Mil Gayi..
*************
proffecerr: raju, tum kis liye college aate ho?
Student: vidya ke khaatir
proffecer: toh ab so kyu rahe ho?
Student: aaj vidya nahi aayi hai sir
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Parhai sirf 2 wajah se hoti hai. Ek shoq se. Or Ek khouf se. Shoq hamen hai nahi. Or DARTE to hum kisi k baap say b nhi.
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Special Yoga For Highly Stressed Students: Sit On Ur Chair Bend Ur Head Back ClOse Ur Eyes SlOwly Completely Relax & Say Bhar Me Jaye Study Yaar;-)…
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World’s Best Feeling: It Comes When We See A Wonderful QuestiOn Paper In The ExaminatiOn Hall & We Smile At Each Other & Say Aik B Nahe Ataa..:)..
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DooOr Se Daikha Kitabain The.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Pass Jane Ka Sawal He Paida Nahe H0ta…
*************
IIT exam,
Santa got 1 question.
Prove
Sin x = 6n
Santa cancelled ‘n’ from both the sides.
Then
six=6
&
wrote:
“Kuch to standrd rakha karo IIT k ques ka
*************
Teacher: Galti hone pe maafi magne wale ko kya kahte hai?
Stud: Samajhdar
Teacher: Aur galti na hone pe bhi mafi mangne waale ko kya kahte hai?
Stud: BOYFRIEND
*************
Studnt ke dilo ki awaz:
Zindgi ka rukh mod dnge,
Sari bandise tod dnge
Ye Semester…..
Jese-tese nikl jaye,
Next Semester me to pakka record tod denge
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Fees maafi ke liye Application:
To
The Principal
High school
Sir,
Baat ye hui k mere Dad ne mujhe fees k liye 2000 rupe Diye the, 500 ki dosto k sath film dekh li, 500 ki drink ho gayi,
500 ka girlfrind ka recharge karwana pad gaya fir usko 250 ki coffee pilai, aur bache 250 english wali mam pe shart har gaya…
Mein samjhta tha ki unka sirf maths ke sir ke saath chakkar hai par unka to aapse bhi chakar nikla,
ab aapke paas 2 hi raste haia…
Ya to meri fees maaf ya aapka pardafaash..
Asha karta hun meri fees maaf ho jayegi…
Aapka pyara
Vidyarthi..
Chappal Chor Das
*************
Principal- I tried ur number so many times,
it said switched off..
STUDENT said : ya… it’s my CALLER TUNE
Principal shock!
Student Rock!
*************
Studnt ke dilo ki awaz:
Zindgi ka rukh mod dnge,
Sari bandise tod dnge
Ye Semester…..
Jese-tese nikl jaye,
Next Semester me to pakka record tod denge
*************
Teacher: Galti hone pe maafi magne wale ko kya kahte hai?
Stud: Samajhdar
Teacher: Aur galti na hone pe bhi mafi mangne waale ko kya kahte hai?
Stud: BOYFRIEND
*************
IIT exam,
Santa got 1 question.
Prove
Sin x = 6n
Santa cancelled ‘n’ from both the sides.
Then
six=6
&
wrote:
“Kuch to standrd rakha karo IIT k ques ka”
*************
01. School—————–Yaadein
02. Principal ————— Jaani Dushman
03. Classes ————– Kabhi kabhi
04. Canteen————– Kabhi alvida na kehna
05. Course ————— Godzilla
06. Exams —————- Kalyug
07. Examination hall—- Chamber of secret
08. Exam-time ———– Qayamat se qayamt tak
09. Question paper —– Paheli
10. Answer paper ——- Kora kagaz
11. Cheating ————- Aksar/chupke chupke
12. Paper out ———— Plan
13. Examiner ————- The killer
14. Last exam ———— Independence day
15. Paper correction —- Andha kanoon
16. Marks —————– Assambhav
17. Result —————– Murder
18. Pass ——————- Ajjoba/ chamatkar
19. Fail ——————— Devdas
20. Supplementary —— Aakhri raasta
21. Vacation ————– Waah life hoto aisi
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College ki girls ne strike ki.BOys ne bhi unka sath diya.
Girls ne zor se kaha “hamari mange”.Boys ne piche se kaha “SINDUR se bharo”
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Height Of Attitude
Teacher: Why R U Talking During My Lesson?
Student: Why R U Teaching During My Conversation..!!
Panga Iz N0t Changa Wid Da Students;->
*************
MRE COLLEGE KA 1 WAQIA.
Teacher :
Y R U Late.
Al Ur Clasmates Came To Clas On Time???
Me:
“Jhund Me Kutte Ate Hain Sir……
Sher To Akela Ata Hai.
*************
Teacher student se:
“Table pe ink kis ne grai hai?”
Is jumlay ko apni zaban mai kis trha kaho ge?
.
Studnt:
“Ye kis kuttey k bachy ne apni auqat dikhai hai”
*************
Classic Example For
Students Of Different
Age Groups:
1st To 3rd Standard:
Hey I Studied Everything
For Exam …
4th To 6th Std:
Hey That Question Was
Very Hard So I Din’t
Read Tht…
6th To 8th Std:
Hey Studied Only
Important Questions
8th To 10th Std:
Abay 4 Chapters Is
Enufff !!
College:
What ? ? Exam Is
Tomorrow
University:
Oh ! Aaj Exam Hy
Kisi Ne Bataya Hii Nahi
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